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Feel like I’m leading them both on

I have a boyfriend and a crush. I’m long distance with my boyfriend but my crush is local.

My boyfriend is so loving and caring, he puts everything he has into making sure I’m happy. He knows about the other guy but says he understands and is completely fine with it as long as there’s no flirting and things stay friendly.

My crush is.. also very caring. He also puts everything he has into making me happy. He’s slow to respond to texts but always really sweet in person. Lately, he’s been getting friendlier and it’s starting to come across as a little flirty (complimenting my appearance and stuff). He always smiles when he sees me and he keeps me calm when I’d otherwise be very anxious. He doesn’t know about my boyfriend but he knows I like him.

I have no idea how my crush feels about me but it feels like a little more than a friendship. So far, we haven’t been able to meet up outside class because one of us is always busy, but he seems willing. I know my boyfriend likes me but honestly I’m finding the distance really hard. He’s in the US and I can’t see him in person.

I like them both equally and I really don’t know what to do. It seems unfair to be with my boyfriend when I like the other guy so much, and when I’m finding it so hard to stay loyal, but leaving him would break his heart and mine.

What do I do??

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Oh - sorry, can’t edit on anon but just thought to say this. I’ve liked my crush for a lot longer than I’ve liked my boyfriend. Don’t know if that makes a difference but yeah…
i think you should break up with your boyfriend because you like someone else, even if you like them equally it’s still not fair on him.
Original post by Anonymous
I have a boyfriend and a crush. I’m long distance with my boyfriend but my crush is local.

My boyfriend is so loving and caring, he puts everything he has into making sure I’m happy. He knows about the other guy but says he understands and is completely fine with it as long as there’s no flirting and things stay friendly.

My crush is.. also very caring. He also puts everything he has into making me happy. He’s slow to respond to texts but always really sweet in person. Lately, he’s been getting friendlier and it’s starting to come across as a little flirty (complimenting my appearance and stuff). He always smiles when he sees me and he keeps me calm when I’d otherwise be very anxious. He doesn’t know about my boyfriend but he knows I like him.

I have no idea how my crush feels about me but it feels like a little more than a friendship. So far, we haven’t been able to meet up outside class because one of us is always busy, but he seems willing. I know my boyfriend likes me but honestly I’m finding the distance really hard. He’s in the US and I can’t see him in person.

I like them both equally and I really don’t know what to do. It seems unfair to be with my boyfriend when I like the other guy so much, and when I’m finding it so hard to stay loyal, but leaving him would break his heart and mine.

What do I do??

If you don't think you can be faithful to your boyfriend, end the relationship. If you want to keep your relationship, tell your crush you have a boyfriend and that you are not interested in a relationship. I would go with the former.
Original post by Anonymous
i think you should break up with your boyfriend because you like someone else, even if you like them equally it’s still not fair on him.

Thank you… I think I might have to consider it. I really don’t want to hurt him :frown:
Original post by SagaciousSag
If you don't think you can be faithful to your boyfriend, end the relationship. If you want to keep your relationship, tell your crush you have a boyfriend and that you are not interested in a relationship. I would go with the former.

Okay… thank you
Just an update, I’ve chosen to explain the situation to my bf and get his thoughts on it.. he hasn’t seen it yet but yeah. He’s been so perfect, it kills me to have to tell him about the other guy, cause he’s done nothing wrong. I shouldn’t have dragged him into this mess. I’ve been crying all day and not really eating properly, and I have exams next week that I know I’m gonna fail but oh well… :/
Reply 7
I think best to make up your own mind. Long distance relationships are tough. If you decide it’s not working the honourable thing is to end it as amicably as you can, before the other relationship develops
Original post by Zarek
I think best to make up your own mind. Long distance relationships are tough. If you decide it’s not working the honourable thing is to end it as amicably as you can, before the other relationship develops

Yeah… I’ve asked him to take a break, just until I can sort myself out and figure out where my priorities lie. I’m hoping that we can stay friends if things do end for good, but for now the main thing on my mind is getting through exams and I’ll decide what’s best after that, when I’m a little less stressed.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah… I’ve asked him to take a break, just until I can sort myself out and figure out where my priorities lie. I’m hoping that we can stay friends if things do end for good, but for now the main thing on my mind is getting through exams and I’ll decide what’s best after that, when I’m a little less stressed.

Duh a break is for people who want to keep them around as an option, if you are that serious you would dump him, I bet you love the attention of having two guys after you
Original post by Anonymous
Duh a break is for people who want to keep them around as an option, if you are that serious you would dump him, I bet you love the attention of having two guys after you

I’m not eating. I’ve been crying all day. My parents are scared to death. You think I like this??
Original post by Anonymous
I’m not eating. I’ve been crying all day. My parents are scared to death. You think I like this??

You knew what you were doing when you were flirting behind your boyfriends back
Original post by Anonymous
You knew what you were doing when you were flirting behind your boyfriends back

When I met the first guy, I wasn’t with my bf so I was free to flirt with him. Once I got with my bf, I did nothing except say hi to the other guy and smile in greeting. It’s him who’s been telling me that I look good, encouraging me when I’m nervous, etc. I still haven’t done anything except say hi and thanking him for the compliments since I got a bf. Yeah, I smiled, probably blushed a little, but I can’t control that. I’m doing what I can.
Original post by Anonymous
When I met the first guy, I wasn’t with my bf so I was free to flirt with him. Once I got with my bf, I did nothing except say hi to the other guy and smile in greeting. It’s him who’s been telling me that I look good, encouraging me when I’m nervous, etc. I still haven’t done anything except say hi and thanking him for the compliments since I got a bf. Yeah, I smiled, probably blushed a little, but I can’t control that. I’m doing what I can.

But you haven't told your crush you've got a boyfriend; why not? And you want to meet up with him socially; why haven't you set boundaries, given your bf is happy you being friends with this guy if things aren't flirty?
Original post by Surnia
But you haven't told your crush you've got a boyfriend; why not? And you want to meet up with him socially; why haven't you set boundaries, given your bf is happy you being friends with this guy if things aren't flirty?


Exactly she could have told him but her ego didn't
Original post by Surnia
But you haven't told your crush you've got a boyfriend; why not? And you want to meet up with him socially; why haven't you set boundaries, given your bf is happy you being friends with this guy if things aren't flirty?

Okay, that’s fair… I probably should’ve mentioned the boyfriend at some point. I don’t have a reason for not doing that.

As for the boundaries - I don’t actually know if this second guy likes me or not. He hasn’t specifically said, and I don’t want to jump to conclusions, it just kinda feels like his intentions could be more than platonic. I’ve just been letting him do his own thing really, and I’ve been keeping my side of things platonic (as much as possible - I’m pretty sure it’s obvious that I like him but I’m trying to hide it) but I’m struggling to maintain just a friendship with this second guy I guess. I’d cut him off if he wasn’t in my class, but because he is, I can’t really avoid him.
It will be best for all to break up with him.
Original post by Anonymous
Exactly she could have told him but her ego didn't

A little harsh… but yes, I could have told him. I know I’ve made mistakes, and this is why I’m taking time out to decide what I need to do next.
Original post by Lucadahse
It will be best for all to break up with him.

The more I think about it, the more I realise the mess I’ve got myself into. I’ll talk to him about it. I don’t think he’ll want to break up but I do think he deserves better.
Original post by Anonymous
The more I think about it, the more I realise the mess I’ve got myself into. I’ll talk to him about it. I don’t think he’ll want to break up but I do think he deserves better.


You made your bed so that is your problem I got no sympathy

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