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Please help me with my English speech!

Hi, I’m 14 and I have my GCSE English speech exam this Tuesday and I’m really struggling with writing the finishing touches. My older brother edited it and took a lot out, so right now it sounds a bit choppy and doesn’t flow very well, I don’t think enough context is given and I haven’t used many similes and I’m so lost at how to conclude.

Could someone please read over it and give suggestions that could help me get a distinction? (I’m allowed to bring the script into the actual speech btw). When there is a ‘…’ that’s where there’s a word or sentence I need specifically to make it flow.

I would like you to put your hand up if you knew that 1.3 million people in the UK have bipolar disorder.

And I’d like you to put your hand up if you knew that one in ten of those people are parents?

If your hand is still limp by your side, I don’t blame you. Truth be told, if I didn’t do this research, then neither would I.

For in the past, black and white movies would have us believe that all there was to mental illness was straight jackets and screaming men with shaved heads thrown into asylums and labelled as crazy- or it was a subject not to be discussed.


……………..

But upon reading this book as a child, my eyes were opened to the stark reality

My name is Eve Roberts, and I’d like to talk about how the book The Illustrated Mum raises awareness about mental illness in parents.

Main Body, Part 1: Explanation of Book


The NHS definition of bipolar disorder, is a mental health condition that affects your moods, which can swing from 1 extreme to another.


But before I read this book I was unaware that so many families can be affected by mental health issues. Growing up, any of us could have had several friends with mentally ill parents without even knowing.

……….

This story takes place through the eyes of a 10-year-old girl called Dolphin, her 13-year-old sister Star, and their mother: Marigold.

Marigold is a colourful, and wonderfully creative single parent; who loves her two daughters, however, sometimes due to struggling with her mental health she is unable to be the parent her daughters need.

Marigold is called The Illustrated mum because she has several tattoos on her body, she is impulsive and spends money that she doesn’t really have.

She often has a new tattoo whenever there is a milestone in her life and her tattoos commemorate these occasions, such as she has a Dolphin tattoo on her arm to celebrate the birth of her daughter. This is not to say that Marigold does this because she has bipolar, but because it is her way of expressing herself as an individual.


Main Body, Part 2: Explaining the Mum

In her best of times, she is a loving and gentle parent who always puts her children first such as fun times spent baking together, and in her worst of times when her illness gets the best of her, she loses the ability to properly take care of her children. In the worst cases, she overcompensates with actions smothering her good intentions

On one occasion she left her children alone to fend for themselves without realising her actions were impacting their safety and well-being.

In turn, this led to the children becoming more like the carers in the relationship by worrying for their mother. Marigold is not selfish but her actions may come across as self-centred unintentionally due to her illness.

It’s clear that Marigold wasn’t a neglectful parent; in fact, she was unwell and needed medical help.

Marigold rejected help in the past as she feared taking medication and having treatment would completely change the person she was. As a matter of fact, estimates show that roughy 80% of bipolar patients refuse to seek treatment due to fear of being perceived differently by peers, family and work.

Believe me when I tell you that the stigma that hundreds and thousands of bipolar patients face is as harmful as ripping their life apart, because it does. In Marigold’s case, it almost did.

Main Body, Part 3: Impacts of the mother's actions




For in her worst depressive episode, she painted herself white trying to cover her tattoos and in a moment of panic, her daughter Dolphin calls an ambulance and Marigold is taken into a psychiatric unit.

Can you imagine being 10 years old and having to call an ambulance knowing they would take your mother away from you?

Can you imagine, knowing that with your mother gone you would have to leave your home and be taken into care?

With no one else to look after them, the children were both put into a care home. It creates a strain on the family’s relationship so thin that it’s almost broken.

However, the children visit their mother in hospital regularly and all hope that when she comes home they will be able to mend their relationship and become a complete family with the right support.

Main Body. Part 4: Ending of the Book

And it’s by this area of the book, right at the end, Dolphin and Star finally learnt that their mother had bipolar disorder.


Bipolar disorder

Prior to reading this book I didn't know what that was. And neither did Marigold’s own children.

It was only when it was explained that it was a mental disorder: and her children were stunned, for there were no straight jackets, no screaming men with shaved heads. But a mother trying to get better for her children.

So why is this so important?

Not only did this open my eyes to the reality of bipolar disorder, but as well as many other children’s minds.

This disturbingly real story acknowledges questions that children who are reading the book with mentally ill parents may ask themselves, “Why does Dad get so sad sometimes?” or, “Why does Mum randomly get so over excited?” The Illustrated Mum answers these questions without sweetening the answers if too sour, but instead answering said questions head on.

And if you’re still unsure of how to understand bipolar disorder, then think of it as waking up to a beautiful summers day, ready to go outside and have fun and tackle the world and do anything and everything!

And then suddenly, without any warning, a huge thundercloud hides the sun, and you don’t feel like doing anything, even getting out of bed, because there’s no point if there’s a rain cloud following you everywhere.

This is why Marigold, and so many other mentally ill parents struggle to care for themselves and their children. They are not irresponsible or selfish people, but…

Thanks!
Reply 1
Original post by MagicKats
Hi, I’m 14 and I have my GCSE English speech exam this Tuesday and I’m really struggling with writing the finishing touches. My older brother edited it and took a lot out, so right now it sounds a bit choppy and doesn’t flow very well, I don’t think enough context is given and I haven’t used many similes and I’m so lost at how to conclude.

Could someone please read over it and give suggestions that could help me get a distinction? (I’m allowed to bring the script into the actual speech btw). When there is a ‘…’ that’s where there’s a word or sentence I need specifically to make it flow.

I would like you to put your hand up if you knew that 1.3 million people in the UK have bipolar disorder.

And I’d like you to put your hand up if you knew that one in ten of those people are parents?

If your hand is still limp by your side, I don’t blame you. Truth be told, if I didn’t do this research, then neither would I.

For in the past, black and white movies would have us believe that all there was to mental illness was straight jackets and screaming men with shaved heads thrown into asylums and labelled as crazy- or it was a subject not to be discussed.


……………..

But upon reading this book as a child, my eyes were opened to the stark reality

My name is Eve Roberts, and I’d like to talk about how the book The Illustrated Mum raises awareness about mental illness in parents.

Main Body, Part 1: Explanation of Book


The NHS definition of bipolar disorder, is a mental health condition that affects your moods, which can swing from 1 extreme to another.


But before I read this book I was unaware that so many families can be affected by mental health issues. Growing up, any of us could have had several friends with mentally ill parents without even knowing.

……….

This story takes place through the eyes of a 10-year-old girl called Dolphin, her 13-year-old sister Star, and their mother: Marigold.

Marigold is a colourful, and wonderfully creative single parent; who loves her two daughters, however, sometimes due to struggling with her mental health she is unable to be the parent her daughters need.

Marigold is called The Illustrated mum because she has several tattoos on her body, she is impulsive and spends money that she doesn’t really have.

She often has a new tattoo whenever there is a milestone in her life and her tattoos commemorate these occasions, such as she has a Dolphin tattoo on her arm to celebrate the birth of her daughter. This is not to say that Marigold does this because she has bipolar, but because it is her way of expressing herself as an individual.


Main Body, Part 2: Explaining the Mum

In her best of times, she is a loving and gentle parent who always puts her children first such as fun times spent baking together, and in her worst of times when her illness gets the best of her, she loses the ability to properly take care of her children. In the worst cases, she overcompensates with actions smothering her good intentions

On one occasion she left her children alone to fend for themselves without realising her actions were impacting their safety and well-being.

In turn, this led to the children becoming more like the carers in the relationship by worrying for their mother. Marigold is not selfish but her actions may come across as self-centred unintentionally due to her illness.

It’s clear that Marigold wasn’t a neglectful parent; in fact, she was unwell and needed medical help.

Marigold rejected help in the past as she feared taking medication and having treatment would completely change the person she was. As a matter of fact, estimates show that roughy 80% of bipolar patients refuse to seek treatment due to fear of being perceived differently by peers, family and work.

Believe me when I tell you that the stigma that hundreds and thousands of bipolar patients face is as harmful as ripping their life apart, because it does. In Marigold’s case, it almost did.

Main Body, Part 3: Impacts of the mother's actions




For in her worst depressive episode, she painted herself white trying to cover her tattoos and in a moment of panic, her daughter Dolphin calls an ambulance and Marigold is taken into a psychiatric unit.

Can you imagine being 10 years old and having to call an ambulance knowing they would take your mother away from you?

Can you imagine, knowing that with your mother gone you would have to leave your home and be taken into care?

With no one else to look after them, the children were both put into a care home. It creates a strain on the family’s relationship so thin that it’s almost broken.

However, the children visit their mother in hospital regularly and all hope that when she comes home they will be able to mend their relationship and become a complete family with the right support.

Main Body. Part 4: Ending of the Book

And it’s by this area of the book, right at the end, Dolphin and Star finally learnt that their mother had bipolar disorder.


Bipolar disorder

Prior to reading this book I didn't know what that was. And neither did Marigold’s own children.

It was only when it was explained that it was a mental disorder: and her children were stunned, for there were no straight jackets, no screaming men with shaved heads. But a mother trying to get better for her children.

So why is this so important?

Not only did this open my eyes to the reality of bipolar disorder, but as well as many other children’s minds.

This disturbingly real story acknowledges questions that children who are reading the book with mentally ill parents may ask themselves, “Why does Dad get so sad sometimes?” or, “Why does Mum randomly get so over excited?” The Illustrated Mum answers these questions without sweetening the answers if too sour, but instead answering said questions head on.

And if you’re still unsure of how to understand bipolar disorder, then think of it as waking up to a beautiful summers day, ready to go outside and have fun and tackle the world and do anything and everything!

And then suddenly, without any warning, a huge thundercloud hides the sun, and you don’t feel like doing anything, even getting out of bed, because there’s no point if there’s a rain cloud following you everywhere.

This is why Marigold, and so many other mentally ill parents struggle to care for themselves and their children. They are not irresponsible or selfish people, but…

Thanks!


Hi, I'm no expert before you read this :smile: This is just what I would put if this were to be read to me. Remember that it's also the delivery that gets you better grades (even though you only need a pass as it's doesn't do much to your final grade).I also don't know much about the subject so I wasn't quite sure what to do

You might get some better answers of other people :smile: Admittedly, it's a hard speech to put similes in but I tried my best.

_______________


I would like you to put your hand up if you knew that 1.3 million people in the UK have bipolar disorder.

Now, I’d like you to put your hand up if you knew that one in ten of those people are parents.

If you're hand is no longer up, don't be disheartened or guilty. Truth be told, if I didn’t do this research, then neither would I.

For in the past, black and white movies would have us believe that all there was to mental illness was straight jackets and screaming men with shaved heads thrown into asylums and labelled as crazy. Better yet, more than half of those movies would have us believe that any sentence with 'mental illness' or 'mental health' in it was a taboo.

Even now, in modern times, some people still believe that mental health should be a swear word, let alone having the topic being the centre of attention for development and awareness. If you really thought about it, there must be at least one person...a celebrity, family member, friend...who thinks that mental health is nothing more than an excuse. It's like being given a box of chocolates and only one being vanilla flavoured. You know it's there but you shouldn't treat it any differently.

Now is the time to realise that mental health needs to be talked about. Maybe of us don't know enough about the topic and neither did I. However, upon reading a certain books as a child, my eyes were opened to the stark reality.

My name is Eve Roberts, and I’d like to talk about how the book The Illustrated Mum raises awareness about mental illness in parents.


Main Body, Part 1: Explanation of Book

The NHS definition of bipolar disorder, is a mental health condition that affects your moods, which can swing from one extreme to another.

But before I read this book, I was unaware that so many families can be affected by mental health issues. Growing up, any of us could have had several friends with mentally ill parents without even knowing. Did you know that an estimated 1 in 4 adults suffer from a diagnosable mental health disorder in a given year. No? In that case, I'm guessing you also didn't know that 1 in 100 have bipolar disorder.

So, where am I going with all this? Well, I'd like you to think about the book I pointed out. You see:

The story takes place through the eyes of a 10-year-old girl called Dolphin, her 13-year-old sister Star, and their mother: Marigold.

Marigold is a colourful, and wonderfully creative single parent; who loves her two daughters, however, due to struggling with her mental health she is sometimes unable to be the parent her daughters need.

Marigold is called The Illustrated mum because she has several tattoos on her body, she is impulsive and spends money that she doesn’t really have.

She often has a new tattoo whenever there is a milestone in her life and her tattoos commemorate these occasions, such as she has a Dolphin tattoo on her arm to celebrate the birth of her daughter. This is not to say that Marigold does this because she has bipolar, but because it is her way of expressing herself as an individual.


Main Body, Part 2: Explaining the Mum

In her best of times, she is a loving and gentle parent who always puts her children first such as fun times spent baking together, and in her worst of times when her illness gets the best of her, she loses the ability to properly take care of her children. In the worst cases, she overcompensates with actions smothering her good intentions

On one occasion she left her children alone to fend for themselves without realising her actions were impacting their safety and well-being.

In turn, this led to the children becoming more like the carers in the relationship by worrying for their mother. Marigold is not selfish but her actions may come across as self-centred unintentionally due to her illness.

It’s clear that Marigold wasn’t a neglectful parent; in fact, she was unwell and needed medical help.An estimated 51% of individuals with this condition are untreated in any given year, while facing the possibility of being labelled as neglectful.

Like many, Marigold rejected help in the past as she feared taking medication and having treatment would completely change the person she was. As a matter of fact, estimates show that roughly 80% of bipolar patients refuse to seek treatment due to fear of being perceived differently by peers, family and work.

Believe me when I tell you that the stigma that hundreds and thousands of bipolar patients face is as harmful as ripping their life apart, because it does. In Marigold’s case, it almost did.


Main Body, Part 3: Impacts of the mother's actions

For in her worst depressive episode, she painted herself white trying to cover her tattoos and in a moment of panic, her daughter Dolphin calls an ambulance and Marigold is taken into a psychiatric unit.

Can you imagine being 10 years old and having to call an ambulance, knowing they would take your mother away from you?

Can you imagine knowing that with your mother gone, you would have to leave your home and be taken into care?

With no one else to look after them, the children were both put into a care home. It creates a strain on the family’s relationship so thin that it’s almost broken.

However, the children visit their mother in hospital regularly and all hope that when she comes home, they will be able to mend their relationship and become a complete family with the right support.


Main Body. Part 4: Ending of the Book

And it’s by this area of the book, right at the end, Dolphin and Star finally learnt that their mother had bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder

Prior to reading this book I didn't know what that was. Neither, did Marigold’s own children.

Upon the explanation that it was a mental illness, her children were stunned, for there were no straight jackets, no screaming men with shaved heads. It was just a mother trying to get better for her children.

So why is this so important?

Not only did this open my eyes to the reality of bipolar disorder, it also opened many other children’s minds.

This disturbingly real story acknowledges questions that children who are reading the book with mentally ill parents may ask themselves, “Why does Dad get so sad sometimes?” or, “Why does Mum randomly get so over excited?” The Illustrated Mum answers these questions without sweetening the answers if too sour, but instead answering said questions head on.

And if you’re still unsure of how to understand bipolar disorder, then think of it as waking up to a beautiful summers day, ready to go outside and have fun and tackle the world and do anything and everything!

And then suddenly, without any warning, a huge thundercloud hides the sun, and you don’t feel like doing anything, even getting out of bed, because there’s no point if there’s a rain cloud following you everywhere.

This is why Marigold, and so many other mentally ill parents struggle to care for themselves and their children. They are not irresponsible or selfish people, but undiagnosed individuals are wished they could have some answers...along with some help. It's the sad reality that so many people go undiagnosed and treatment is delayed. In worse cases, parents are split from parents because they are receiving punishment where treatment needs to be.

So, here I stand. I simply ask you not to give into the stigma and come to terms with the fact you don't know everything about everyone. Don't jump to conclusions. Do your research. You never know, you just might end up helping someone.

Thank you for listening, I've been Eve Roberts.
Reply 2
Original post by Sav055
Hi, I'm no expert before you read this :smile: This is just what I would put if this were to be read to me. Remember that it's also the delivery that gets you better grades (even though you only need a pass as it's doesn't do much to your final grade).I also don't know much about the subject so I wasn't quite sure what to do

You might get some better answers of other people :smile: Admittedly, it's a hard speech to put similes in but I tried my best.

_______________


I would like you to put your hand up if you knew that 1.3 million people in the UK have bipolar disorder.

Now, I’d like you to put your hand up if you knew that one in ten of those people are parents.

If you're hand is no longer up, don't be disheartened or guilty. Truth be told, if I didn’t do this research, then neither would I.

For in the past, black and white movies would have us believe that all there was to mental illness was straight jackets and screaming men with shaved heads thrown into asylums and labelled as crazy. Better yet, more than half of those movies would have us believe that any sentence with 'mental illness' or 'mental health' in it was a taboo.

Even now, in modern times, some people still believe that mental health should be a swear word, let alone having the topic being the centre of attention for development and awareness. If you really thought about it, there must be at least one person...a celebrity, family member, friend...who thinks that mental health is nothing more than an excuse. It's like being given a box of chocolates and only one being vanilla flavoured. You know it's there but you shouldn't treat it any differently.

Now is the time to realise that mental health needs to be talked about. Maybe of us don't know enough about the topic and neither did I. However, upon reading a certain books as a child, my eyes were opened to the stark reality.

My name is Eve Roberts, and I’d like to talk about how the book The Illustrated Mum raises awareness about mental illness in parents.


Main Body, Part 1: Explanation of Book

The NHS definition of bipolar disorder, is a mental health condition that affects your moods, which can swing from one extreme to another.

But before I read this book, I was unaware that so many families can be affected by mental health issues. Growing up, any of us could have had several friends with mentally ill parents without even knowing. Did you know that an estimated 1 in 4 adults suffer from a diagnosable mental health disorder in a given year. No? In that case, I'm guessing you also didn't know that 1 in 100 have bipolar disorder.

So, where am I going with all this? Well, I'd like you to think about the book I pointed out. You see:

The story takes place through the eyes of a 10-year-old girl called Dolphin, her 13-year-old sister Star, and their mother: Marigold.

Marigold is a colourful, and wonderfully creative single parent; who loves her two daughters, however, due to struggling with her mental health she is sometimes unable to be the parent her daughters need.

Marigold is called The Illustrated mum because she has several tattoos on her body, she is impulsive and spends money that she doesn’t really have.

She often has a new tattoo whenever there is a milestone in her life and her tattoos commemorate these occasions, such as she has a Dolphin tattoo on her arm to celebrate the birth of her daughter. This is not to say that Marigold does this because she has bipolar, but because it is her way of expressing herself as an individual.


Main Body, Part 2: Explaining the Mum

In her best of times, she is a loving and gentle parent who always puts her children first such as fun times spent baking together, and in her worst of times when her illness gets the best of her, she loses the ability to properly take care of her children. In the worst cases, she overcompensates with actions smothering her good intentions

On one occasion she left her children alone to fend for themselves without realising her actions were impacting their safety and well-being.

In turn, this led to the children becoming more like the carers in the relationship by worrying for their mother. Marigold is not selfish but her actions may come across as self-centred unintentionally due to her illness.

It’s clear that Marigold wasn’t a neglectful parent; in fact, she was unwell and needed medical help.An estimated 51% of individuals with this condition are untreated in any given year, while facing the possibility of being labelled as neglectful.

Like many, Marigold rejected help in the past as she feared taking medication and having treatment would completely change the person she was. As a matter of fact, estimates show that roughly 80% of bipolar patients refuse to seek treatment due to fear of being perceived differently by peers, family and work.

Believe me when I tell you that the stigma that hundreds and thousands of bipolar patients face is as harmful as ripping their life apart, because it does. In Marigold’s case, it almost did.


Main Body, Part 3: Impacts of the mother's actions

For in her worst depressive episode, she painted herself white trying to cover her tattoos and in a moment of panic, her daughter Dolphin calls an ambulance and Marigold is taken into a psychiatric unit.

Can you imagine being 10 years old and having to call an ambulance, knowing they would take your mother away from you?

Can you imagine knowing that with your mother gone, you would have to leave your home and be taken into care?

With no one else to look after them, the children were both put into a care home. It creates a strain on the family’s relationship so thin that it’s almost broken.

However, the children visit their mother in hospital regularly and all hope that when she comes home, they will be able to mend their relationship and become a complete family with the right support.


Main Body. Part 4: Ending of the Book

And it’s by this area of the book, right at the end, Dolphin and Star finally learnt that their mother had bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder

Prior to reading this book I didn't know what that was. Neither, did Marigold’s own children.

Upon the explanation that it was a mental illness, her children were stunned, for there were no straight jackets, no screaming men with shaved heads. It was just a mother trying to get better for her children.

So why is this so important?

Not only did this open my eyes to the reality of bipolar disorder, it also opened many other children’s minds.

This disturbingly real story acknowledges questions that children who are reading the book with mentally ill parents may ask themselves, “Why does Dad get so sad sometimes?” or, “Why does Mum randomly get so over excited?” The Illustrated Mum answers these questions without sweetening the answers if too sour, but instead answering said questions head on.

And if you’re still unsure of how to understand bipolar disorder, then think of it as waking up to a beautiful summers day, ready to go outside and have fun and tackle the world and do anything and everything!

And then suddenly, without any warning, a huge thundercloud hides the sun, and you don’t feel like doing anything, even getting out of bed, because there’s no point if there’s a rain cloud following you everywhere.

This is why Marigold, and so many other mentally ill parents struggle to care for themselves and their children. They are not irresponsible or selfish people, but undiagnosed individuals are wished they could have some answers...along with some help. It's the sad reality that so many people go undiagnosed and treatment is delayed. In worse cases, parents are split from parents because they are receiving punishment where treatment needs to be.

So, here I stand. I simply ask you not to give into the stigma and come to terms with the fact you don't know everything about everyone. Don't jump to conclusions. Do your research. You never know, you just might end up helping someone.

Thank you for listening, I've been Eve Roberts.


Thank you sooooooo much! I’ve done some editing and rejigging to try to make my paragraphs flow and make more sense. I will definitely use this as a resource for help! Thank you so so so much!! It sounds great! 😁😁

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