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Is my mom right to be upset at me?

My cousin got married over the weekend and I didn't attend the wedding. The reason I didn't attend the wedding was because my friend was back in town and I hadn't seen them for a while. In addition, I wouldn't get anything out of going to the wedding so I didn't really see the point. On Monday my mom rang me upset that I didn't go to the wedding. Although I didn't say I wouldn't attend I never said that I would either. I told her what I have said above and she wasn't happy. Apart from my parents and sister and my grandma to some extent I don't really care about my extended family. I don't hate them but I just don't have a lot in common with them. Why is my mom so upset with me?
I mean maybe this is something you should've discussed with her earlier to avoid her unnecessary unhappiness but at the end of the day you don't even need a reason not to attend, it should be up to you. since she's your mum though id apologise and say you didn't know she would be this.
Original post by luana35
I mean maybe this is something you should've discussed with her earlier to avoid her unnecessary unhappiness but at the end of the day you don't even need a reason not to attend, it should be up to you. since she's your mum though id apologise and say you didn't know she would be this.


As I mentioned I didn't say no but I didn't say yes either. What I told my mom beforehand was to not count on me being there.
I think this is where the internet "self care" trend has made us as a generation quite selfish - and I in no way mean to call you selfish, just as a generation we've become quite selfish about our time and wants. Sure you wanted to see your friend, but that is something you can definitely reschedule. But a wedding? That was a one time event, and your cousin obviously wanted you there as s/he invited you. And if the only reason for not going was because you were indifferent and you wanted to see your friend, that's not really a valid justification. Ultimately it resulted in you missing out on a family celebration, which may also effect what you're invited to in the future.
If you hadn't planned to go, you should have at least told your family, and I hope you told your cousin. So I can understand your mum being upset, I imagine she was a bit embarrassed that her daughter didn't care enough to either attend the wedding or let her know what your plans were. She might also be upset that you are starting to show that you don't value family as much as she does, which depending on your family might be pretty upsetting.
Yes, your mum should be upset. Such selfish behaviour.
Original post by Anonymous
My cousin got married over the weekend and I didn't attend the wedding. The reason I didn't attend the wedding was because my friend was back in town and I hadn't seen them for a while. In addition, I wouldn't get anything out of going to the wedding so I didn't really see the point. On Monday my mom rang me upset that I didn't go to the wedding. Although I didn't say I wouldn't attend I never said that I would either. I told her what I have said above and she wasn't happy. Apart from my parents and sister and my grandma to some extent I don't really care about my extended family. I don't hate them but I just don't have a lot in common with them. Why is my mom so upset with me?

You should have either said yes and gone or made it clear you weren't going. Weddings are expensive and they would have made a space for you because you weren't clear.
Reply 6
Did you put on the invite that you were going to go? If you're not close to these people I can understand and you have the right to make your own decisions.

The only thing I would consider selfish is you saying yes to an invite and not going.
Did you get sent an invite from your cousin or her parents and reply to the RSVP? :confused:
If not, it's fine for you to choose not to attend.
Your mother may not agree with your decision.
But there's no reason for her suddenly get surprised or upset bearing in mind that over the years you have made it clear that you have little in common with extended family members apart from your grandmother and don't care about them.
Original post by Anonymous
As I mentioned I didn't say no but I didn't say yes either. What I told my mom beforehand was to not count on me being there.

Surely not saying yes =/= a clear no. Clearly saying 'no' would be so much better, even if there'd be some upset for a little while. You wouldn't let everybody down, but the way you did it was just selfish. Your cousin will (with any luck) only have one wedding, and they may have wondered where you were. It's a major life event; 'I wouldn't have got anything out of it' is absolutely not the attitude to have here. Imagine you invited somebody to your own wedding and they didn't turn up because they thought they had better things to do. I'd be furious. Not caring for your extended family because you say you don't have anything in common is also - actually, I won't start ranting about that as well, or else I'd type a wall of text.

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