everything's so, so ****ed up

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Ciel.
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#1
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#1
my boyfriend and i are back together but i can't stay faithful no matter how hard i try. he always accuses me of cheating, i always lie. one of the neighbours reported him to the police the other day because he accidentally hurt me, and it was so embarrassing. i feel like i'm destroying both our lives but people irl still take my side when he finally snaps. i ruined my art project too. i thought i had this amazing idea, it seemed like it would make it perfect but it ruined it completely.

people keep telling me get help or whatever but the 'help' part is the problem. i get "help". we make up. i stop seeing other guys. things are ok, for a while, then something happens. i get sick of the peace, of feeling like zombie. i ruin everything , i sleep around. things get out of control, i get depressed. he makes me see my doctor and i get mad at him because being forced to go on meds is humiliating as ****. this is the part where i'm at now. i just hate everything. i don't know how to break this cycle. my shrink obviously doesn't know either because it's been going on for years now
Last edited by Ciel.; 1 week ago
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Schotel
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#2
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#2
Your boyfriend deserves someone better. There’s no excuse to being unfaithful. Sort yourself out first, don’t put your boyfriend through pain just because you have a wondering eye.
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Ciel.
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Schotel)
Your boyfriend deserves someone better. There’s no excuse to being unfaithful. Sort yourself out first, don’t put your boyfriend through pain just because you have a wondering eye.
it's not just about that. it's everything. you don't understand me at all
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londonmyst
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#4
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#4
Both of you need to prioritorise staying calm and positive around each other.
Controlling your tempers as reasonable adults to avoid any further violent outbursts or injuries.

You need to always have a few outlets to express your creativity and maybe register for a part time or distance learning art qualification.
Maybe consider a small sideline business to help amass some savings.
You'd be great volunteering as a mentor or to help support homeless LGBT teenagers & young people living in a hostile domestic environment where their relatives/other members of their household give them nothing but hassle about their sexual orientation.

In relation to sexual compatibility, I think that you are probably not suited to monogomy and your partner knows it.
Your posts give me the impression that you have a very high sex drive and are more adventurous than your partner.
I don't believe that what you are doing is cheating though.
You are not in a civil partnership or married and never committed to a formal arrangement based upon monogomous sexual exclusivity and long term commitment.
Although the habit of telling regular needless lies for you own convenience are very unpleasant and will soon ruin your credibility amongst those who know you very well.
Good luck!
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Ciel.
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#5
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#5
(Original post by londonmyst)
Both of you need to prioritorise staying calm and positive around each other.
Controlling your tempers as reasonable adults to avoid any further violent outbursts or injuries.

You need to always have a few outlets to express your creativity and maybe register for a part time or distance learning art qualification.
Maybe consider a small sideline business to help amass some savings.
You'd be great volunteering as a mentor or to help support homeless LGBT teenagers & young people living in a hostile domestic environment where their relatives/other members of their household give them nothing but hassle about their sexual orientation.

In relation to sexual compatibility, I think that you are probably not suited to monogomy and your partner knows it.
Your posts give me the impression that you have a very high sex drive and are more adventurous than your partner.
I don't believe that what you are doing is cheating though.
You are not in a civil partnership or married and never committed to a formal arrangement based upon monogomous sexual exclusivity and long term commitment.
Although the habit of telling regular needless lies for you own convenience are very unpleasant and will soon ruin your credibility amongst those who know you very well.
Good luck!
yeah we're no good at that. especially when alcohol is involved.

i probably wouldn't be a good influence on them tbh. and im just not good at committing to things, like i'll stick with something for a week but then forget about it

i think you're right about that. we should have an open relationship but whenever i bring it up he just gets really mad at me. i don't think he'll ever get used to the idea. idk, but i feel like it would make him happy because he would get to sleep with women at least. that would probably make me a bit jealous but i'd get over it i think

eh, my family knows they can't rely on me. i lose friends very easily but i also make friends easily too. so it's not that much of an issue
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black tea
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Ciel.)
i don't know how to break this cycle.
Not stopping the meds, perhaps?
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Ciel.
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#7
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#7
(Original post by black tea)
Not stopping the meds, perhaps?
i always promise myself not to at the beginning but after a couple months something in my brain just freaking switches and i always end up going back on my word
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The Ria
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#8
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Everything's so ****ed up sounds like a Limp Bizkit record
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Ciel.
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#9
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#9
(Original post by The Ria)
Everything's so ****ed up sounds like a Limp Bizkit record
that's cute
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lifeofpablo1
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#10
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#10
You and your boyfriend both have serious mental problems, the kind that gets you put in a mental asylum. You need to take your meds and leave him, or get yourself committed
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ran-dumb
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#11
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#11
You guys are in such a messy relationship but he's still by your side, so hold onto him and never let him go. Help the both of you sort out your lives
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The Ria
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Ciel.)
that's cute
Back off back off tell me what to do now keep rollin' rollin' rollin'
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Ciel.
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#13
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#13
(Original post by lifeofpablo1)
You and your boyfriend both have serious mental problems, the kind that gets you put in a mental asylum. You need to take your meds and leave him, or get yourself committed
i don't think you even know what 'serious mental problems' are
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Ciel.
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#14
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#14
(Original post by ran-dumb)
You guys are in such a messy relationship but he's still by your side, so hold onto him and never let him go. Help the both of you sort out your lives
yeah i do want to sort everything out but idk sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me
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Anonymous #1
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#15
(Original post by Ciel.)
yeah i do want to sort everything out but idk sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me
Uhm there IS something wrong with you soo
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Ciel.
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#16
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#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Uhm there IS something wrong with you soo
oh really
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gcseretake0
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Ciel.)
i don't think you even know what 'serious mental problems' are
idk you constantly fighting with him, being severely injured by him but staying with him, and fighting in public sounds like 'serious mental problems' to me. also the fact that you were on prescribed meds at one point means you definitely have serious issues, if you continue to stay with him i guarantee you or him will end up in prison at some point
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ran-dumb
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Ciel.)
yeah i do want to sort everything out but idk sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me
Well I mean everyone has something wrong going on in their lives. Not that many have a bf that'll stick with you all the way and the constant fighting. Its kinda cute if you ask me.
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SagaciousSag
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#19
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(Original post by ran-dumb)
Well I mean everyone has something wrong going on in their lives. Not that many have a bf that'll stick with you all the way and the constant fighting. Its kinda cute if you ask me.
It's mutually abusive. I think it should end flat out and both of them need to recover from it in some way, because at this rate, it'll never change. My opinion, though.
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ran-dumb
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#20
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#20
(Original post by SagaciousSag)
It's mutually abusive. I think it should end flat out and both of them need to recover from it in some way, because at this rate, it'll never change. My opinion, though.
To be fair I don't know half of what they're up to, so I can't say much. I think they ended things on and off though? And if every time they decide to drift back together I don't really know how they can just break it off and somehow 'recover'. I feel like its better to have someone to fight with then struggle with things yourself, especially if his bf clearly doesn't mind and even reciprocates.
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