I don't think I'm in love

Watch this thread
Beforesunsets
Badges: 5
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Backstory, I've been talking to someone over text/facetime/call for a year and a half. I've never been in love before, my last boyfriend I dread going on dates with because we had 0 chemistry from my side at least. This is the first person I ever felt I got along with amazingly. I genuinely felt at times like I fell in love and I can't exactly remember the feeling but it was definitely, what I felt at the time, was enough to justify that I loved him in my mind. And I never said it to anyone before, I do not take the word lightly. I still know I 100% care for this person.

Fast forward to finally meeting. Which was pretty recent. Went out like half a dozen times now. We are not in a relationship and he knows that. It's more of a situationship. He still says he loves me. I'm not so sure about my feelings anymore. And it's not to do with any physical appearance. Maybe that could be a factor but I felt like I fell in love with him online despite hardly seeing him so it's not like I was after him for his looks.

It's so confusing and complicated for be to explain. I feel like I'm getting to know this person all over again because real life is so so much more different to how it was online. It's not like he lied about who he was it just doesn't feel the same anymore. I also seen a new side to him in real life. I always thought he was a super patience person (which I seek due to my past) but I seen him angry now for a perfectly reasonable reason (road rage lol) but it sent me of a spiral - how much do I really know about this person. Its only ever been texts and calls and this is just a completely new thing now. As for the appearance part he looks a bit different than what I imagined but I don't think it's a big real. I'm not sure if there is an attraction on my part as I don't feel any butterflies or a spark. Or even an urge to touch him. I was in a situations when most people would probably kiss but when I was there - thinking about it - I didn't want to. I couldn't imagine it.

I don't want to ruin this friendship either. He has pretty much became my best friend. Someone who is always there for me and I think I got addicted to being loved rather than loving him myself. He is still really hopeful I'll change my mind. And I'll admit, in the midst of the deep conversations we had through text or call. I have said stuff like "you're my future husband". So yeh you could argue I'm giving him false hope. However, I've said this to him before. That he shouldn't get into a relationship with me because I have wayy to much internal issues. It is litearly a "it's not you it's me" situation, and I'm being truthful.

I don't think I'm in love anymore or maybe I was never to begin with. I'm starting to feel like I fell in love with the idea of him before we met. Now everyone has changed. I just feel so hopeless right now. He is introducing me to his family like this will go anywhere when I don't even see a future with him. I really don't want to break his heart. I'm just so confused. Has anyone went through this then got over it? Or am I just scared because of my lack of experience?


**Please don't quote incase I delete later**. Thank you so much for reading and for anyone who respond.
1
reply
thurstonet
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Beforesunsets)
Backstory, I've been talking to someone over text/facetime/call for a year and a half. I've never been in love before, my last boyfriend I dread going on dates with because we had 0 chemistry from my side at least. This is the first person I ever felt I got along with amazingly. I genuinely felt at times like I fell in love and I can't exactly remember the feeling but it was definitely, what I felt at the time, was enough to justify that I loved him in my mind. And I never said it to anyone before, I do not take the word lightly. I still know I 100% care for this person.

Fast forward to finally meeting. Which was pretty recent. Went out like half a dozen times now. We are not in a relationship and he knows that. It's more of a situationship. He still says he loves me. I'm not so sure about my feelings anymore. And it's not to do with any physical appearance. Maybe that could be a factor but I felt like I fell in love with him online despite hardly seeing him so it's not like I was after him for his looks.

It's so confusing and complicated for be to explain. I feel like I'm getting to know this person all over again because real life is so so much more different to how it was online. It's not like he lied about who he was it just doesn't feel the same anymore. I also seen a new side to him in real life. I always thought he was a super patience person (which I seek due to my past) but I seen him angry now for a perfectly reasonable reason (road rage lol) but it sent me of a spiral - how much do I really know about this person. Its only ever been texts and calls and this is just a completely new thing now. As for the appearance part he looks a bit different than what I imagined but I don't think it's a big real. I'm not sure if there is an attraction on my part as I don't feel any butterflies or a spark. Or even an urge to touch him. I was in a situations when most people would probably kiss but when I was there - thinking about it - I didn't want to. I couldn't imagine it.

I don't want to ruin this friendship either. He has pretty much became my best friend. Someone who is always there for me and I think I got addicted to being loved rather than loving him myself. He is still really hopeful I'll change my mind. And I'll admit, in the midst of the deep conversations we had through text or call. I have said stuff like "you're my future husband". So yeh you could argue I'm giving him false hope. However, I've said this to him before. That he shouldn't get into a relationship with me because I have wayy to much internal issues. It is litearly a "it's not you it's me" situation, and I'm being truthful.

I don't think I'm in love anymore or maybe I was never to begin with. I'm starting to feel like I fell in love with the idea of him before we met. Now everyone has changed. I just feel so hopeless right now. He is introducing me to his family like this will go anywhere when I don't even see a future with him. I really don't want to break his heart. I'm just so confused. Has anyone went through this then got over it? Or am I just scared because of my lack of experience?


**Please don't quote incase I delete later**. Thank you so much for reading and for anyone who respond.
I was here so much in my younger times dating. It happens all of the time. It's the same thing as being in love with the IDEA of somebody but not being in love WITH the person. This could be a strong ongoing friendship. The sooner you defuse the "potential" aspect of this, the stronger the friendship is likely to be.
0
reply
Surnia
Badges: 19
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
And this is why I've responded to goodness knows how many threads about 'online boyfriends' by saying you don't really know someone until you've met them in real life and seen how they interact with you and other people. It's said the way someone treats the serving staff in a restaurant is a good indication of their character!

You've met a guy, you've started dating, it's not working out; you'd end it, right? You are right that its like starting over, so forget the previous 18 months chat and look at what is happening now. And you need to discuss this with him and be honest about what you want. Friendship or relationship, communication is key, and so many issues can be resolved if people would just.open their mouths and talk about it!
Last edited by Surnia; 1 month ago
2
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest

How are you feeling about your SQA results?

They're better than I expected (20)
32.79%
They're what I expected (19)
31.15%
They're worse than what I expected (22)
36.07%

Watched Threads

View All