I’m not attracted to my girlfriend

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
So me and my girlfriend have been dating for 8 months now and she is my first girlfriend and we are in are early to mid twenties in University. I want to start off by saying this is my first relationship ever, i’m a late bloomer so I have been learning as I go along.

So my girlfriends personality is amazing and I love that, but I don’t really have any physical attraction towards her at all. I have just gone off what i’ve heard when people say always go for personality which I did.

I feel like the lack of physical attraction has left me thinking something is missing for a while now. Like we get along super well but when we argue I feel like I have tried to pull away in the past and she didn’t really let me which stopped me from ending it.

Like i’m not really sure what to do, I feel like missing attraction for me doesn’t really make me happy in the relationship. I have noticed myself not telling anyone about her and keeping it super secret and I friend told me maybe because your not proud of her so you don’t tell anyone.

I feel like due to my inexperience and her trying to push everything at a pace i’m in a position now where I feel like I can’t pull away anymore and just have to live with the decision I made because I don’t want to hurt her but at the cost of my own happiness. Not really sure what to do, can someone help me please?
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Max1989
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#2
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#2
Break up, in a situation that is making you unhappy is one of the few situations where being 'selfish' is the right thing to do, yes break ups hurt but you'll feel a lot better in the longer term and she'll be fine in the long term, it's win win even if there's a bit of pain first.

For the explanation just say that you aren't really feeling it don't make it about her, but more your feelings for her, the problem was what is internally happening with you not what she has done.
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sufys
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You've got to break up if you're not attracted to her.
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SagaciousSag
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If you're not attracted to her at all, she's basically just your friend. End the relationship. You can't really control feelings, but you can control how you act on them.
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Natsudragon
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#5
I think if you really like her in a platonic way atleast , she deserves to know that she isnt receiving the love shes giving . Because at a point of time , she will understand that you arent attracted and that will be heartbreaking for her . You are also in a not so nice position right now . So if you respect her , dont wanna hurt her and do right by her , you should tell her . Trust me . Also because karmas real adn what if later you are in a relationship and you are head over heels for your partner but she isnt atall. Thats the position she is in right now so … Yupp tell her
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Muttly
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#6
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Yes you can. You need to stop pretending you are helpless (you are not) and stop going through the motions of just having a gf for the sake of it because you are in your twenties etc etc. You are not in love, you are just living on the shirt tails of a strong personality.

If you felt 'love' and feelings of attraction that would be great if the feelings were returned. But they are not. Get out of this now while it is uncomplicated by houses, possessions, children and move on.

When you do find someone who ticks all the boxes and you know what love feels like and it is returned it will blow your socks off. Keep looking forward not back.
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Anonymous #1
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Just a bit of an update, I tried to pull away now but she doesn’t let me and keeps saying tell me what’s up and we can work on it. I don’t know what to say to this as the truth will really hurt her
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londonmyst
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Man up and tell her how you feel.
That way you can both agree to end the relationship and will be free to move on with your lives without wasting any more of each other's time.
Getting closer to finding someone that meets your attraction dealbreakers and shares your ambitions & lifestyle preferences.
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Ackhnologia
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#9
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Man up and tell her how you feel.
That way you can both agree to end the relationship and will be free to move on with your lives without wasting any more of each other's time.
Getting closer to finding someone that meets your attraction dealbreakers and shares your ambitions & lifestyle preferences.
Agree with you. But please, next time use another expression.
This is express has a lot of toxicity (when it comes to men at least)
Last edited by Ackhnologia; 1 month ago
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Ackhnologia)
Agree with you. But please, next time use another expression.
This is express has a lot of toxicity (when it comes to men at least)
I also advise adult females to 'woman up'.
Have recommended that a few playground whiner types of OP 'grow up' over the last few years on TSR.
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1582
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Just a bit of an update, I tried to pull away now but she doesn’t let me and keeps saying tell me what’s up and we can work on it. I don’t know what to say to this as the truth will really hurt her
She can't prevent you breaking up with her. Tell her it's over and if she tries to argue be firm and tell her that your decision is already made. Don't let her believe this is open to discussion. If you're not attracted to her then you might just need to be blunt and tell her that.

When I broke-up with my previous girlfriend, she immediately started crying and tried to launch into a sob story. I cut her off and told her, no, I'm not listening to that story again. Because she had used the exact same sob story to convince me to stay the previous two times I tried to cut things off. She kept insisting she wanted to work things out. I told her I had no interest in doing so. Eventually she realised she wasn't going to change my mind. She couldn't make me sympathise with her and I didn't want to work with her on this. There was nothing more to say at that point, so I left. You need to be firm when breaking up with someone who is trying to fight you on it.
Last edited by 1582; 1 month ago
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Ackhnologia
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I also advise adult females to 'woman up'.
Have recommended that a few playground whiner types of OP 'grow up' over the last few years on TSR.
Oh okay.
Understand now.
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