He called me high maintenance. Is it bad?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
He meant it emotionally :/
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Surnia
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#2
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#2
Depends.

Are you overemotional, dramatic, clingy, do you struggle with anxiety and expressing yourself or are you making reasonable requests of this guy? Based on your response, is his comment extreme or appropriate?
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Anonymous #2
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It kind of depends how much of your emotional peace/satisfaction you expect to derive out of him. If it is about the smallest of things, like I expected you to do this, think that etc, that can get a bit overwhelming when repeated over and over.
Guys and girls tend to function differently. Girls have a dominant emotional side, while guys tend to function logically.
It doesn't mean that the guy is always supposed to function logically and not care for any of your emotions, but the girl also needs to understand that too much of it may become draining on the guy.
I don't know what exactly is the situation between you two, so I just put a general perspective out there.
Make him understand your point of view calmly and try to listen and understand his as well.
Hope it helps!
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StriderHort
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#4
Yes, Bad. Not in any way a compliment
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Funtimes01_
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#5
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He meant it emotionally :/
Depends on the context. Sometimes it can be a true statement, other times it can be an untrue insult designed to wound your self confidence and self esteem.
Without more elaboration we cannot know.
Last edited by Funtimes01_; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
Depends.

Are you overemotional, dramatic, clingy, do you struggle with anxiety and expressing yourself or are you making reasonable requests of this guy? Based on your response is his comment extreme or appropriate?
I was playing around and maybe a little needy that day (I was on period so my hormones were all over the place and I demanded cuddles). He said it out of nowhere. Not going to lie, it kinda hurt me. Never in my life, I was called high maintenance or thought of myself as that so I was taken aback. I don’t know what to do honestly, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Should I distance? Maybe I am too much for him?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It kind of depends how much of your emotional peace/satisfaction you expect to derive out of him. If it is about the smallest of things, like I expected you to do this, think that etc, that can get a bit overwhelming when repeated over and over.
Guys and girls tend to function differently. Girls have a dominant emotional side, while guys tend to function logically.
It doesn't mean that the guy is always supposed to function logically and not care for any of your emotions, but the girl also needs to understand that too much of it may become draining on the guy.
I don't know what exactly is the situation between you two, so I just put a general perspective out there.
Make him understand your point of view calmly and try to listen and understand his as well.
Hope it helps!
Thank you for your input! It really helped me
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StriderHort
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was playing around and maybe a little needy that day (I was on period so my hormones were all over the place and I demanded cuddles). He said it out of nowhere. Not going to lie, it kinda hurt me. Never in my life, I was called high maintenance or thought of myself as that so I was taken aback. I don’t know what to do honestly, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Should I distance? Maybe I am too much for him?
Well needy and demanding behaviour are pretty much the definition of high maintenance.

Mibbie just try and be a bit more self aware and considerate of others rather than the drama sounding options.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Well needy and demanding behaviour are pretty much the definition of high maintenance.

Mibbie just try and be a bit more self aware and considerate of others rather than the drama sounding options.
Okay, so wanting cuddles from bf is high maintenance? 😅 I'm very considerate of him, always showed him I care about him/his needs and gave him space when he needed it.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was playing around and maybe a little needy that day (I was on period so my hormones were all over the place and I demanded cuddles). He said it out of nowhere. Not going to lie, it kinda hurt me. Never in my life, I was called high maintenance or thought of myself as that so I was taken aback. I don’t know what to do honestly, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Should I distance? Maybe I am too much for him?
If it was just about this time in particular, I'd say he needs to be more considerate. A guy needs to be patient with his girl while hormones are flying all over the place.
But it could be so that previous experiences added to the little outburst, and it came up at a wrong time.
It's fine to tell him that you didn't appreciate that, more so when you were on your periods and needed comfort, but also ask him if other things you've been doing are making him feel that way and find a way forward from there.
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Dunnig Kruger
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#11
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#11
If this guy is some sort of professional life coach then you should listen to what he has to say. Think about it. And if it resonates with you, follow his advice.

Otherwise you should treat it the same as if he said you had luminous orange hair. Treat it as a jokey, untrue statement that's not worth a serious moment of your time. If he says this or something like this in the future, treat it as a **** test. There's 3 easy ways to pass these. One of them is to ignore what he said and carry on saying whatever you want to talk about.

What you should do is to regularly self audit. Ask yourself questions such as "What's holding me back?" and answer them as brutally honestly as you can. And then take things from there.

Be guided by your own approval. Do not live your life via the approval of others.

It's quite possible that one thing that's been holding you back is that you haven't been demanding enough of others. Or that you haven't set and maintained clear boundaries in terms of what you will accept from others.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If it was just about this time in particular, I'd say he needs to be more considerate. A guy needs to be patient with his girl while hormones are flying all over the place.
But it could be so that previous experiences added to the little outburst, and it came up at a wrong time.
It's fine to tell him that you didn't appreciate that, more so when you were on your periods and needed comfort, but also ask him if other things you've been doing are making him feel that way and find a way forward from there.
I made it clear that I didn’t appreciate his comment but he didn’t understand why though. Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it
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StriderHort
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, so wanting cuddles from bf is high maintenance? 😅 I'm very considerate of him, always showed him I care about him/his needs and gave him space when he needed it.
YOU are the one saying you were being needy and demanding, don't put that on me


If you HAD gave him space when he needed it, why did he feel the need to say what he did?
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Surnia
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#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was playing around and maybe a little needy that day (I was on period so my hormones were all over the place and I demanded cuddles). He said it out of nowhere. Not going to lie, it kinda hurt me. Never in my life, I was called high maintenance or thought of myself as that so I was taken aback. I don’t know what to do honestly, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Should I distance? Maybe I am too much for him?
"Demanded"? Well, there you go.

Was he with you or was this in a message? If the latter, where was he and what was he doing? Have you done this type of thing before?

If you think 'distancing' is the way to solve a problem with your boyfriend then you aren't mature enough to be in a relationship and just compounds the high maintenance description. Saying you don't appreciate his comment and explaining why you don't appreciate so he understands are 2 different things.
Last edited by Surnia; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
YOU are the one saying you were being needy and demanding, don't put that on me


If you HAD gave him space when he needed it, why did he feel the need to say what he did?
Needy and demanding as wanting a cuddle in that moment. Not overall.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, so wanting cuddles from bf is high maintenance? 😅 I'm very considerate of him, always showed him I care about him/his needs and gave him space when he needed it.
Trust me its not high maintenance . Thrs noo guy who wld not want to cuddle with high gf . So it u arent tooo clingy n always wanting attention and just draining him emotionally , maybe he has some issues like you know in him personal life .. studies or family .. so people tend to push loved ones away during this time … or he is gaslighting you and making you feel like you are in the wrong although i dont know why anyone would do that .. i would say give him space .. he come back when he has fixed whatever needed to be
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