Non-binary with transphobic family

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RushingRiver
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#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Hi
I’ve known for about two years that I’m not cis (given up on a label lol) and I came out to my parents once I realised. They did not take it well. I ended up going back in the closet, where I plan on staying until I’m 18.

They’d always seemed supportive so their reaction was a shock to me, and I’m scared about coming out again to them and to the rest of my family, who are even worse. Only my cousin knows, she’s the only one who supports me. My grandparents are very religious and I dread to think how they’d react.

Once I’m 18 and it’s safe, I’d like to change my name legally. Some of my school friends already use my preferred name when no adults are around, but I know that if I changed it legally, I wouldn’t be able to hide that from my parents and they’d be devastated. I respect that they took time to pick a special name for me, but I took that into account - I picked the name they would’ve given me if I was born male, which is androgynous anyway, so it’s not like I’m being inconsiderate. I am trying.

Another thing is my boyfriend… he is supportive, I’ve told him already and he says that’s fine, but I don’t think he understands. He uses my name, but not my pronouns, and I don’t know how to talk to him about it. He did use my pronouns at first but I think he just forgot because I can tell that he still views me as a girl.

How can I approach this safely? I’m tired of pretending to be someone I’m not, but I know it’s not safe for me to come out. My school isn’t supportive, my friends all use the wrong pronouns for me, my boyfriend tries but just doesn’t understand, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t look androgynous but that’s mostly because it’s not a good idea right now, and I feel like people don’t believe me because of that.

Sorry, that was more of a rant than I intended, but it’s bringing me down and I just want to express myself
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Wannabevetnurse
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#2
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#2
1) Earn some money if you can and save up to get a place of your own, once you finish uni. Get accommodation for university as well.
2) Thinking realistically, whilst your parents care for you now, they will not be alive for most of the rest of your life, so change your name. Do not give a damn about them. You clearly aren't comfortable as a girl. (sorry if it's wrong). If they start neglecting you, or abusing you call childline on 0800 1111
3) Your boyfriend. Keep drilling it into his head about your pronouns. If he carries on getting it wrong, then it means he isn't serious/doesn't really care about how you feel about them. sit him down and let him know how you feel when he uses the wrong pronouns.
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RushingRiver
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#3
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(Original post by Wannabevetnurse)
1) Earn some money if you can and save up to get a place of your own, once you finish uni. Get accommodation for university as well.
2) Thinking realistically, whilst your parents care for you now, they will not be alive for most of the rest of your life, so change your name. Do not give a damn about them. You clearly aren't comfortable as a girl. (sorry if it's wrong). If they start neglecting you, or abusing you call childline on 0800 1111
3) Your boyfriend. Keep drilling it into his head about your pronouns. If he carries on getting it wrong, then it means he isn't serious/doesn't really care about how you feel about them. sit him down and let him know how you feel when he uses the wrong pronouns.
I’m about to open a savings account so I’ll definitely be putting some money in there to go towards that I’m very excited to change my name and present the way I want to, so hopefully the desire to do it will be stronger than the guilt… and I’ve been putting off speaking to my bf about it but I think I’ll have to…
Thank you :hugs:
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