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Nothing sexual in our relationship. Watch

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    Please keep anonymous, if not delete.

    I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. From a few weeks into our relationship until 6 months into the relationship (1.5 years) we we quite sexual. You know, the usual - starting with oral and such then eventually losing our virginity to each other. Sounds kinda' bad that we started so soon but we were a lot less mature than we are now. We really love each other, I never thought anything would really come between us in a serious way until we went to uni (which would probably mean moving away).

    Anyway, 5-6 months into the relationship she decided that we could no longer have sex because she thought it was wrong as we weren't married.

    That's ok, I respect her and if she doesn't want to then that's ok. We continued with the other sex acts - which we both thoroughly enjoyed - for another 2 or 3 months before she cut that off saying it was wrong because we weren't married.

    Now, 16 months later, I am extremely frustrated. My girlfriend is very beautiful, she has an awesome body and knowing that I will never get it is extremely frustrating. Sexual behavior is, IMO, one of the main things that separate "good friends" and "boyfriend/girlfriend". I can't touch her body, I just feel like we have a really good friendship now more than a relationship. Sex is more than just a physical thing for me, it made us feel close and intimate in the way nothing else could. We never really feel like that now.

    I never thought this would come between us like this. When she first said we couldn't do anything sexual (that means BTW, no touching, intense making out etc.) I kinda' knew it would be a bit of an issue for me but that was "well down the line". I am now approaching the end of that line. It makes me extremely jealous seeing other couples, imagining the wonderful moments they have. It's equally hard knowing that is not even a prospect for us.


    I don't want to seem like someone who is out only for sex. I love her very much. I have talked about this with her but she gets angry, blatantly tells me to **** off sometimes. The sexual frustration is very strong, doing it yourself when you have a very hot girlfriend makes you want to shove dead flowers up your own ass.


    What should I do? I have seriously considered ending it. I love her and it will break my heart, it will take a lot of time to get over her but this relationship just isn't offering me the intimacy that I need. A lot of the time when we're together I get restless and just annoyed, toward the end of the night I usually get grouchy and impatient.

    PS. Sorry for the big post. I had a lot to say.
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    You have to decide on your priority... Is it sex? Or is it love?

    There's you answer.
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    u have a perfectly reasonable argument and i think that if she cannot understand it from ur point of view then i dont think it will work out. it will be hard to break up but it seems you both have different needs and wants, which will ultimately kill ur relationship anyway..
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    For me, sex was a HUGE part of my previous relationship. It made me feel so close to my ex (even if he was lying, cheating scum :P). Now that sex isn't an option with my new (incredibly HOT ) boyfriend, it gets difficult sometimes. I believe sex is an important part of any relationship. And I do see where you are coming from about friend/girlfriend thing... It's hard sometimes!! Particularly as you know exactly what you are missing!! But I don't think that you should end it! You say you love her... That is a much more important part of the relationship!! If other things are suggesting that you two are 'just friends', like you lack intamacy in other areas... can't tell eachother everything... feel in any way like this is not right for you, THEN you should end it... Try to understand how she feels... Talk to her about it... Ask her WHY she feels this way, but not in any way asking her for anything!

    xx
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    it isn't going to work... there are people who can go without a sexual realtionship and there are those that cant. after all it IS the most natural thing we do!
    your not satisfied, thats obvious... i would end it.. say that if you find youselves back together you do, but maybe meet knew people.
    either that or ask her to marry you?

    EDIT: oh and by the way.. no intimate kissing.. i think thats proably to stop the urge of having sex again... kissing turns me on a lot!
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    Break up with her.
    Sex + love + friendship = adult relationship.
    No sex + love + friendship = childish friendship.

    I'm 22 and a virgin, but couldn't for one minute imagine being 16 months into a relationship with someone without having physical contact and/or sex.
    I think after 5-6 months of having sex/intimate contact that she's way way out of line to put the brakes on now. Are you sure there isn't something else going on? I just find it very strange how you can be okay with it for 5 months and then suddenly run in the opposite direction.
    I'd get rid tbh.
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    She seems a bit childish.
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    ... propose?

    or break up with her, because if she holds such strong views and you don't, it won't work.
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    why doesn't she want any sexual or intimate contact?
    I mean, even intense kissing? It just seems very ...cold. Not in a mean way, cold was just the immediate word I thought of.
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    i wonder if there is more to it...i wonder why all of a sudden she seems so anti-touching etc.
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    propose.. if she wont even let you touch her, are you sure she doesnt want to just let you go, but cant bear to do it herself... so wants you yto end it.. extreme but a possibility...

    no touching or kissing means that it isnt a relatioship, its a friendship, that seems to have no benefits....
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for replying.

    Firstly, I have talked a lot with her about why we can't do it until marriage. She is a Christian and I don't want to come between her and what she believes - she isn't going to and I don't want her to do something she doesn't want to do. This thread is really about if I can go without sex, rather than trying to convince her to get into my bed.

    (Original post by sib)
    For me, sex was a HUGE part of my previous relationship. It made me feel so close to my ex (even if he was lying, cheating scum :P). Now that sex isn't an option with my new (incredibly HOT ) boyfriend, it gets difficult sometimes. I believe sex is an important part of any relationship. And I do see where you are coming from about friend/girlfriend thing... It's hard sometimes!! Particularly as you know exactly what you are missing!! But I don't think that you should end it! You say you love her... That is a much more important part of the relationship!! If other things are suggesting that you two are 'just friends', like you lack intamacy in other areas... can't tell eachother everything...
    Emphasis on the highlighted bit. We tell each other everything - within reason of course - and are very close. One of the main things that angers me is seeing everyone around me getting laid, doing what is totally natural at this age (I'm 18 by the way) and me missing out. These are the best years of my life, I want to have a sex life. Sex is a major issue in a relationship IMO, it's the sexual attraction that differentiates two people between just friends and being more than that. We don't have that.

    She even refuses to share a bed with me in terms of sleeping. At my friends party the other week a few of us were staying over. One guy had maybe one too many whiskeys and passed out on a bed that was meant for her. She refused to come to my bed, she went and slept with her female friend...

    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    I'd get rid tbh.
    Not as easy as it sounds. Being with someone for two years you really do grow fond of them. All the things that remind me of her. Hell, I just went for a glass of milk and our song came on the radio and it really made me sad knowing that if I break up that this song is going to crush me every time.


    (Original post by KayleeLand)
    You have to decide on your priority... Is it sex? Or is it love?

    There's you answer.
    I have picked love for 16 months now. I always thought, "This will start to get to me, but not now". I have now reached the stage were it is REALLY getting to me. I love her, but say I stay in the relationship and we continue for two more years. Then we break up - I have wasted the four most sexually exciting and active years of my life. It's hard choosing love as you sit on your girlfriends bed, knowing you will NEVER have those amazing moments that 90% of my friends get once or twice a week.
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    i think the last part of ur post 'anonymous' tells u that u she isnt the right girl for u. u will feel worse for not breaking it up sooner if u stay together for e.g. 2 more years..and the little things tht remind u of her can just be like little things tht remiind u of a friend..i hav tons like tht, so these things will get easier trust me!
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    The reason this deviates from standard love advice is that you have already had sex and all that stuff and NOW she is saying no.

    A lot of people wait a long time until their partner is ready, and thats respectable. Its what you do when you care. But for you my friend, you traveled down this path backwards.

    And I tell you this now, you SHOULD END IT you know why? Because you are in serious doubt, you are missing something in a relationship that you cant fix unless you pop the question. Sex isn't everything, but it plays a part and you are far to too young to be missing out on sexual activity considering you have a girlfriend. Face facts, you are not convinced about the relationship, and it will just drag it on.

    Suck it up, take a breath and tell her you can't continue like this. Sorry if you didn't want to hear this
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    Do you see yourself marrying this girl in the future? If you can't imagine your life without her and picture yourselves together forever, then you just need to wait it out, hard as that will be. But from your posts, it sounds like you don't see your long-term future together. So I say you should end it while you're still young, rather than sticking it out for another year or so and getting more and more frustrated- you'll just end up resenting her.

    I agree, a relationship without any intimacy such as kissing or touching makes it more like a friendship- sex, for me at least, is what distinguishes between the two.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    Break up with her.
    Sex + love + friendship = adult relationship.
    No sex + love + friendship = childish friendship.

    I'm 22 and a virgin, but couldn't for one minute imagine being 16 months into a relationship with someone without having physical contact and/or sex.
    I think after 5-6 months of having sex/intimate contact that she's way way out of line to put the brakes on now. Are you sure there isn't something else going on? I just find it very strange how you can be okay with it for 5 months and then suddenly run in the opposite direction.
    I'd get rid tbh.
    Yes I agree
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    marry her, have a quickie then run and get an anulment
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    (Original post by Gary10k)
    The reason this deviates from standard love advice is that you have already had sex and all that stuff and NOW she is saying no.

    A lot of people wait a long time until their partner is ready, and thats respectable. Its what you do when you care. But for you my friend, you traveled down this path backwards.

    And I tell you this now, you SHOULD END IT you know why? Because you are in serious doubt, you are missing something in a relationship that you cant fix unless you pop the question. Sex isn't everything, but it plays a part and you are far to too young to be missing out on sexual activity considering you have a girlfriend. Face facts, you are not convinced about the relationship, and it will just drag it on.

    Suck it up, take a breath and tell her you can't continue like this. Sorry if you didn't want to hear this
    The thought of breaking up makes me really sad. It will break her heart, she's very sensitive and gets upset easily. This will make her cry for so long. Part of me wants to end it, part of me really doesn't.

    My advice for you is just to consider the relationship,if you truly love her,propose to her in order to marry her now or in the future(at least in that manner you know that you'll get to have sex with her no matter how long it takes).But if you are not ready to marry her, then you are rght for yourselves because your relationship is most likely not to work.
    I'm only 18, going to uni soon. I can't propose, I don't even know if I want to marry at all let alone get married to her now.



    Any more input is greatly appreciated. Hearing what other people thing in an anonymous way always helps I think.
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    with no intimacy, at all, is simply not a relationship. its a friendship. why does she want to wait till marriage anyway, shes already done the dirty, nothing is going to change that
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The thought of breaking up makes me really sad. It will break her heart, she's very sensitive and gets upset easily. This will make her cry for so long. Part of me wants to end it, part of me really doesn't.


    Any more input is greatly appreciated. Hearing what other people thing in an anonymous way always helps I think.
    I never said it was going to be easy. But you know its going to happen, and the longer you drag it out the worse it's going to be. She's either gonna cry cause you end it or she is going to cry cause you tried to have sex with her. It's only natural to want sex in a relationship which you have already received it.

    Also, if anyone thinks im being harsh please read my first post before you comment.
 
 
 
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