Turn on thread page Beta

Nothing sexual in our relationship. watch

Announcements
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tombola)
    Not true.



    How can a 18 year old teenager know whether he'll marry someone? Most people get married in their mid-20s. You're essentially asking someone who obviously values to sex to abstain for potentially more than 3 years.

    It's for this reason that some decide to get married early so that the relationship can last, however that turns out to be a mistake in the long run. Thus we end up with people who are unhappy but are unwilling to get divorced.
    i am not telling op to get married now. I am saying if he really loves her, then he will wait. That was b4 i read that shes not even touching him BTW.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Hmmm... I'm a Christian myself, so I understand where your girlfriend's coming from. Sex and other sexual acts should be kept for marriage (speaking from a Christian view now) - but in terms of cuddling, kissing, maybe even sleeping over - that stuff is personal interpretation. It would seem that your girlfriend's fallen under the stricter branch - I think what she might be getting at might be courtship. Does Joshua Harris ring any bells? (he wrote a book on Christian dating) He advocated courtship, which is where two people become very close friends, but leave everything, including kissing, til they're married.

    In any case, if it is her faith, she can't compromise on that front. I personally believe that sex/sexual acts are a want, and not a need. I've seen numerous couples get into successful marriages without having had sex before marriage - my parents included. Ultimately - does sex mean that much to you, that you'd rather give her up for it?

    However, it is unfair on you, because you did not enter into this agreement willingly. I personally think kissing and cuddling and sleep-overs are fine - I would have a problem too if my boyfriend refused to kiss me.

    Ultimately, it's up to you. You did not enter into this agreement knowingly, so I'd say you have to decide for yourself if this is still what you wanted, because certainly it's not what you've expected. But in the end, I still believe that sex is a want, and not a need - I've seen it work. Now you gotta decide if she is worth it - if she is worth the wait. Her - there is only one of her. You will never find it again. Sex - any woman will do. So is it she whom you want, or sex?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    She's sleeping with someone else.

    [/thread]
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Let's clear a few things up:

    1. When I said "no touching" I meant of her body. We can hold hands, hold each other and all that but touching her chest is a no no.

    2. When I said no intimate kissing I really meant heavy making out. We still kiss and all that, but she stops it before it becomes too intense.

    3. She isn't cheating on me and her religion isn't an excuse. There's no need for me to explain how I know this, just accept it

    I thought I made this all pretty clear, must have missed a bit or two.


    I'm really glad with the responses. I expected most people to tell me to stop being an ******* for wanting to have sex with her.

    I know I should really break up. It's all the factors around it though that are stopping me.

    You got alot of other options besides sex(sex toy,doll,masturabtion etc), i know its tempting to take thing to the next level when u r kissing or close to her, but just don't. Cos you are gonna b angry if she rejects you.
    I don't just want sex for the physical sensation, no; it's a lot more than that.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    She isn't being fair; you didn't go into this relationship thinking she didn't want sex before marriage, she changed her mind half way through. Therefore, i suppose to some extent she isn't the person you started a relationship with, so it's best to finish it.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Clements-)
    What's childish is being so unwilling to budge, especially on such basic intimacy such as kissing, touching, etc. If they can't even have that, why even class it as a relationship? From what he describes, it really doesn't sound like one anymore
    So... it's childish that she doesn't budge on her strenghtened beliefs?
    What does touching and kissing constitute? Deep passionate kissing and sexual fumbling? In that case it's obvious why she doesn't move.

    Relationships doesn't have to be based on physical aspects. A relationship can be created from the mental connection. However for most the first is naturally included.

    I suppose you're not a believer in long distance relationships that may go on for years without contact.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Let's clear a few things up:

    1. When I said "no touching" I meant of her body. We can hold hands, hold each other and all that but touching her chest is a no no.

    2. When I said no intimate kissing I really meant heavy making out. We still kiss and all that, but she stops it before it becomes too intense.

    3. She isn't cheating on me and her religion isn't an excuse. There's no need for me to explain how I know this, just accept it

    I thought I made this all pretty clear, must have missed a bit or two.


    I'm really glad with the responses. I expected most people to tell me to stop being an ******* for wanting to have sex with her.

    I know I should really break up. It's all the factors around it though that are stopping me.



    I don't just want sex for the physical sensation, no; it's a lot more than that.
    i understand. Thats y us Christians understand sex is a gift from god not to be abused. From what you are saying, she is not willing to get turned on just cos she may get carried away. I think you just have to talk to her again(even if she is angry, just wait for her to calm down) and see if you guys can reach a compromise,but dont expect anything. If she is our sister, then you should respect her choice(understandablly difficult as she is hot stuff to you). Just keep it till marriage. Oh yea, technically, if she give you a hand, it is not considered sex :p:
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by silverwolfalpha)
    i am not telling op to get married now. I am saying if he really loves her, then he will wait. That was b4 i read that shes not even touching him BTW.
    You wouldn't mind waiting for someone for more than 5 years?

    I'm sorry but... I find that difficult to believe. The only possible explanation is if you don't have an extremely high sex drive.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tombola)
    So... it's childish that she doesn't budge on her strenghtened beliefs?
    What does touching and kissing constitute? Deep passionate kissing and sexual fumbling? In that case it's obvious why she doesn't move. Edit: See the OP just clarified. Hugs and stuff like that are allowed -.-

    Relationships doesn't have to be based on physical aspects. A relationship can be created from the mental connection. However for most the first is naturally included.

    I suppose you're not a believer in long distance relationships that may go on for years without contact.
    No, i mean as in normal kissing. Normal affection of a relationship.
    And I do think though that if they are that intimate, then are suddenly not, I think that puts a serious strain on the relationship and I simply think she is being unfair. How much did she care about her strong beliefs when she was having sex with him for the first several months? I just find it odd that she can say, ok, I'm religious now, no sex. Annoying, but reasonable. And then to not be a 'strong enough' christian to continue on with sex acts and then eventually cut them out too. She can't just pick and choose what aspects she chooses to adopt and believe in.

    And actually, I am. Yet I believe that to be a completely and utterly different situation. They're not in contact because one decided to be selfish and uncompromising about the new dynamics of their 'relationship'. They're not in contact because it's difficult for them to be and there is a valid excuse for it. I've had a long distance relationship and I find that completely different to this situation.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Also, people are telling me to wait in the sense of waiting till she's ready.

    It's unlikely we will get married. I'm too young to get married, too young to know if I want to spend the rest of my life with someone. People change a lot between the ages of 18-25; I will probably marry in my early to mid twenties if I do marry. Not at 18, no. It isn't even logistically feasible, we will be living in student accommodation for the next 3 years. :rolleyes:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Let's clear a few things up:

    1. When I said "no touching" I meant of her body. We can hold hands, hold each other and all that but touching her chest is a no no.

    2. When I said no intimate kissing I really meant heavy making out. We still kiss and all that, but she stops it before it becomes too intense.

    3. She isn't cheating on me and her religion isn't an excuse. There's no need for me to explain how I know this, just accept it

    I thought I made this all pretty clear, must have missed a bit or two.


    I'm really glad with the responses. I expected most people to tell me to stop being an ******* for wanting to have sex with her.

    I know I should really break up. It's all the factors around it though that are stopping me.



    I don't just want sex for the physical sensation, no; it's a lot more than that.
    ok, whether you should break up with her or not comes after this message.
    I now ask you to imagine

    You broke up with her, you are over her.
    One day you take a walk in the park, in the distance you suddenly spot her with another man, they are holding hands and kissing. They are very happy with each other. She is smiling and looking at him with a loving gaze, just as she looked at you. He smiles back, gently strokes her hair and tells her that he loves her, and that no matter her choice, he will stay with her. They kiss again, you walk away.

    How would you feel?
    if you feel nothing as you imagine this, then end it.
    If you feel like she can't be with any other man and she is made for you, then stick it out.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by khil)
    In any case, if it is her faith, she can't compromise on that front. I personally believe that sex/sexual acts are a want, and not a need. I've seen numerous couples get into successful marriages without having had sex before marriage - my parents included. Ultimately - does sex mean that much to you, that you'd rather give her up for it?.

    Now you gotta decide if she is worth it - if she is worth the wait. Her - there is only one of her. You will never find it again. Sex - any woman will do. So is it she whom you want, or sex?
    Isn't it a little unfair to be making it out to be one or another. Obviously the OP wants sex with his girlfriend specfically rather than sex with a random person.

    She sees having no sex as an expression of love.
    He sese having sex as an expression of love.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    OP, I think you should end it. If we disregard the religion, what she is banning you from doing, etc. etc. it is clear that the whole situation is upsetting you and is not something you can deal with. Whilst some people can go without sexual relationships for their religion, if you can't, eventually you are going to end up resenting her for it. Whereas, I think if you end it now, there's more chance of you staying friends and possibly giving it another go in the future
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Also, people are telling me to wait in the sense of waiting till she's ready.

    It's unlikely we will get married. I'm too young to get married, too young to know if I want to spend the rest of my life with someone. People change a lot between the ages of 18-25; I will probably marry in my early to mid twenties if I do marry. Not at 18, no. It isn't even logistically feasible, we will be living in student accommodation for the next 3 years. :rolleyes:
    i think by 21, you'll have a pretty good idea. Move in with her if you can, then you'll know if shes right for marriage.:yep:
    • CV Helper
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    CV Helper
    (Original post by ViolatedTreason)
    with no intimacy, at all, is simply not a relationship. its a friendship. why does she want to wait till marriage anyway, shes already done the dirty, nothing is going to change that
    Totally agree with this comment.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Also, you've already said you don't see yourself marrying the girl. She wants to wait until marriage. You don't. I think it's difficult to make it work when you both have such contrasting beliefs on such an important issue.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by inksplodge)
    Totally agree with this comment.
    i don't. Christians believe in repent, repent means ask God for forgiveness, then turn away from it. Thats the major difference between Christians and Atheiests. A person could be a murderer, then ask for repentence and forgivenss, if he means it, he would still go to heaven as long as he is a Christian.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Clements-)
    Also, you've already said you don't see yourself marrying the girl. She wants to wait until marriage. You don't. I think it's difficult to make it work when you both have such contrasting beliefs on such an important issue.
    hes in doubt, not certain. No one is certain.
    All he needs to consider is-does he see himself with her in 3 years time with no sex.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I feel for you OP.. you sound like a good person.. she is being selfish.. It would be different if she held this belief from the start.. but she did not.. I hope this is some stupid phase she is going through.. I would ignore the preachers too.. Sex is huge part of a relationship.. You are not as shallow as some might assume..

    Sex now is no different to when married.. sex is an intimate act between you too.. if she got married.. that would not change.. I think she is being stupid..
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    This is such an easy fold I dunno why it's up for debate.

    It's gonna suck because you're in love yadda yadda yadda, but you have your whole life ahead of you to find someone that you're more compatible with.

    Assuming she's not levelling you, and not ******* somebody else, her religious beliefs>>>>her sexual desires (that's what she wants to believe anyway).

    The problem I have is she was enjoying a sexual relationship for 6 months, then suddenly turns around and says "you know what, this is against my religion, we can't do this no more.........and forget about even kissing me!"

    wtf r u srs?

    If she's that fantastic a person by all means stay friends with her, but don't expend energy in getting blood from a turnip. For both your sakes, finish it.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 11, 2008
Poll
Could you cope without Wifi?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.