Feeling lonely all the time

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

I deferred from uni 6 months ago due to personal circumstances as well as not liking my course. I was really sociable and met up with lots of groups of people, going to pubs and clubs 3-4 nights per week. Even during that time, I felt quite lonely and I was trying to take my mind off it by going out all the time and meeting new people.

I don't really get out much anymore, maybe once or twice a month but that's about it. I don't really talk to anyone I went to uni with anymore but I still have some of my long term friends that I've known for years.

Even when I do go out and I'm talking to people I still feel quite lonely and as if I'm not really there. It's a strange feeling.

I'm a pretty happy person and don't suffer from any mental conditions to my knowledge so I'm not quite sure where this is all coming from.

I've never really been popular, more of an outcast really. I never tried to fit in with groups of people and have always had a tight circle of friends.

I'm not too active on social media either, I'll scroll through instagram and facebook once in a while but that's as far as it goes.

Main question is, does anyone else feel like this sometimes and are there any ways of dealing with it?
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Max1989
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#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
Yes I'm chronically lonley.

Although I haven't found a cure to the feeling as that requires meaningful relationships, which take time and aren't guaranteed with the people you currently know.

My main tips are:
Do things for yourself, loneliness only takes form when you let it take form, keeping busy, enjoying time on your own and trying to not focus on it helps. Try and be grateful for all that you have than what's missing.

Renember relationships take two people, if you aren't actively initiating conversations, asking people if they want to do stuff the other people won't too, it takes effort. This is the main issue I have and causes me to push people away over time.

Get out there and constantly try new things, meeting new people, it's highly likley the people you know aren't really the people for you, so you need to keep meeting people until you find some you click with.
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tinyperson
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#3
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Hugs. Try venturing out on your own etc. When I was in college (not quite the same I know) I used to go to a local food bank at a church in town once a week for a chat and to observe operations. Go to the closest library in the area or visit some of the high street shops in order to talk to other people as well. You can also try your luck at meeting many new people at popular rather crowded pubs, hotels and cheap restaurants and so on.
Often times the community church is a ideal place in which to find several more likeminded folks of all ages and types in addition here. Or explore the countryside or see if you can find a recommended club or society which is for all interested adults of all kinds. Consider volunteering at some museums and the like.
You can certainly meet many more new interesting friends that way. Head to a friendly nearby garden centre on top of that, there are lots of fun souls there who are willing to speak to you. It is all about seizing the opportunity to get to know people really. This is why patience and a positive outlook is crucial.
Find something that you both have in common. Strike up a conversation that is based on that. Discover a new part time hobby or try to learn a new skill. Good luck. Start small and take it from there. Work harder on your oral communication skills. Spend a lot of time listening to other people talk.
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University of Huddersfield Student Rep
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#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

I deferred from uni 6 months ago due to personal circumstances as well as not liking my course. I was really sociable and met up with lots of groups of people, going to pubs and clubs 3-4 nights per week. Even during that time, I felt quite lonely and I was trying to take my mind off it by going out all the time and meeting new people.

I don't really get out much anymore, maybe once or twice a month but that's about it. I don't really talk to anyone I went to uni with anymore but I still have some of my long term friends that I've known for years.

Even when I do go out and I'm talking to people I still feel quite lonely and as if I'm not really there. It's a strange feeling.

I'm a pretty happy person and don't suffer from any mental conditions to my knowledge so I'm not quite sure where this is all coming from.

I've never really been popular, more of an outcast really. I never tried to fit in with groups of people and have always had a tight circle of friends.

I'm not too active on social media either, I'll scroll through instagram and facebook once in a while but that's as far as it goes.

Main question is, does anyone else feel like this sometimes and are there any ways of dealing with it?
Hello,

I've definitely had extended periods of feeling like this, so I can empathise with your situation. In my experience, there were two main focal points: others and self.

When it came to the people I socialised with, I realised that it was the ability and opportunity to engage in meaningful discussion, feel seen and also feel heard that largely impacted that sense of loneliness. I think it's important to have balance in your social groups, but spending too much time around people who's company I enjoyed but it felt like they weren't really 'feeding my soul' took its toll on me. I'm not sure if I'm articulating myself well, but hopefully you get a sense of what I'm trying to say. It's well worth examining your social circle, or thinking about times where you've been around people and you've felt like you're experiencing true companionship and community etc. What was it about those individuals or experiences that made you feel that way? How can you seek out similar connections?

When it came to myself, I found that it was important to become my own friend, my own company. Doing things that I enjoyed, especially reading, really helped me. Focusing on thing's that made me feel fulfilled essentially.

All the best☺️
- Rebecca, 3rd Year Psychology Student
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