Ex boyfriend & his friends being weird

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
me and my ex boyfriend split up around 2 months ago, his friends keep requesting to follow my best mates Instagram (she’s a girl) she keeps decling it but they keep requesting. I also had 3 missed calls from a no caller ID at around 2 in the morning, this might not be him but I had a gut feeling on it. Me and him broke up on bad terms aswell we broke up because he was toxic and has now painted me out to all his friends that I’m the “crazy one” and has turned most of them against me. Was wondering what is meant by any of this!?
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Max1989
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#2
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#2
That he's taking it bad and is extremely obsessed and toxic, just block what you can and stay away.
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Muttly
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#3
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#3
It matters not what he says after the break up, the reasons for the breakup are individual to you both, and no one else. Gossip and bad mouthing is typical of someone 'wounded' and angry and wanting to vindictively lash out. It's ok to be painted crazy, just shrug and live with it. Anyone who knows you will be OK with you so don't get unduly perturbed.

Although this is typical of the behaviour of many ex partners after break up, the darker picture here is of a wounded man who won't accept rejection and is a threat to you personally. He is inciting his friends to bid on his behalf. Care is needed, and you need to defend your safety.

Make some rough notes of the conversations you have had with your ex for a time line of what is happening and how and who is orchestrating this. Urge your friends to block your ex's friends from Instagram and warn them about his behaviour. The calls at 2am are typical of the finish of a night out, no one to take home, a drunken state and the inhibition is removed - hence the desire to persuade you to get back together or to share angry words. If you can install a camera near your flat or apartment. Make sure you don't walk alone, and keep your mobile handy with just 99 on dial ready in case you need it urgently.

If this behaviour persists or you feel you are being 'stalked' or this man won't let go and is intimidating or threatening ring the police on 101 (999 in an emergency) and report the circumstances. Ask the police if you are at risk of violence. There is a dash risk assessment guideline you may wish to look at which could help you decide your own level of risk.

https://safelives.org.uk/sites/defau...ce%20FINAL.pdf
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Anonymous #1
#4
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I’ve blocked him on everything all my socials, number e.t.c But none of his friends have blocked me? He would always make me feel like I was the toxic one because I would request space so I can have time for myself instead of spending every second and minute with him. When I’d want space he’d freak out and start crying and then will go to my close friends if I don’t reply to him soon enough or leave him on delivered for a couple of hours. I don’t know if this is of much help but I am his his first serious relationship.
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Anonymous #1
#5
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(Original post by Muttly)
It matters not what he says after the break up, the reasons for the breakup are individual to you both, and no one else. Gossip and bad mouthing is typical of someone 'wounded' and angry and wanting to vindictively lash out. It's ok to be painted crazy, just shrug and live with it. Anyone who knows you will be OK with you so don't get unduly perturbed.

Although this is typical of the behaviour of many ex partners after break up, the darker picture here is of a wounded man who won't accept rejection and is a threat to you personally. He is inciting his friends to bid on his behalf. Care is needed, and you need to defend your safety.

Make some rough notes of the conversations you have had with your ex for a time line of what is happening and how and who is orchestrating this. Urge your friends to block your ex's friends from Instagram and warn them about his behaviour. The calls at 2am are typical of the finish of a night out, no one to take home, a drunken state and the inhibition is removed - hence the desire to persuade you to get back together or to share angry words. If you can install a camera near your flat or apartment. Make sure you don't walk alone, and keep your mobile handy with just 99 on dial ready in case you need it urgently.

If this behaviour persists or you feel you are being 'stalked' or this man won't let go and is intimidating or threatening ring the police on 101 (999 in an emergency) and report the circumstances. Ask the police if you are at risk of violence. There is a dash risk assessment guideline you may wish to look at which could help you decide your own level of risk.

https://safelives.org.uk/sites/defau...ce%20FINAL.pdf
Reading this was incredibly helpful and has made it clearer in my mind as I have been thinking about it a lot. I couldn’t wrap my fingers around this behaviour and it is very much appreciated for taking the time to portray the reality of the situation instead of what my head perceives the situation to be. I also have a few pointers to make.


Through the relationship he struggled to give me space when I requested it he would start crying about it. Which would really would **** me off and when I would express that to him he would frantically apologise. (At that moment in time I thought he had a huge fear of loosing me as I am his first serious relationship.)

He would get jealous incredibly easily. An example of this is: I spent a day with a guy friend and when I got back he would get really *****y and go quiet. With my ex it felt like I had to be careful on what to say to him or he’d get overly emotional and start crying. (I just want to clarify I am not scared of him, I do not tolerate **** from anyone especially from a self entitled man).

On the day of the argument my ex started following my guy best friend (let’s call him “P”) on Instagram (this is the same guy I mentioned in my example of his jealous outbursts). I found out yesterday that my other girl mate (let’s call her “K”) had bumped into him.

When me and him were together we would always go to the shopping centre closest to mine and vice versa. The closest shopping centre to him is a 10 min train and he would only go there with his mates or me and his family. I completely understand that he can/will go wherever he wants.

But what really stuck out to me is he keeps going to the specific places where me and him would go when we were together and it would be the same place that is the closest to where I live.
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londonmyst
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#6
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#6
Your ex can't handle being dumped and losing control of you.
He wants to harass and punish you.
Might be trying to take revenge on you by harassing your friends or getting some of his mates to do so for him.
Alternatively he may be trying to intimidate those friends of yours that he dislikes or has blames for you dumping him.
That's what the last ex did after I walked out on him 8 years ago.
Turned stalker trying to get me to take him back, harassed my friends and sent out half his friends on payroll to do his dirty work when he was busy.

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
Put your safety and health first.
Try to avoid visiting all the places where he is most likely to come looking for you and any places in his local area where you could accidentally bump into him or a group of his nasty friends.
If he makes any threats towards you, does anything criminal or anyone directly harasses you more than twice- file a police report along with the evidence.
Good luck!
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Anonymous #1
#7
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#7
(Original post by londonmyst)
Your ex can't handle being dumped and losing control of you.
He wants to harass and punish you.
Might be trying to take revenge on you by harassing your friends or getting some of his mates to do so for him.
Alternatively he may be trying to intimidate those friends of yours that he dislikes or has blames for you dumping him.
That's what the last ex did after I walked out on him 8 years ago.
Turned stalker trying to get me to take him back, harassed my friends and sent out half his friends on payroll to do his dirty work when he was busy.

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
Put your safety and health first.
Try to avoid visiting all the places where he is most likely to come looking for you and any places in his local area where you could accidentally bump into him or a group of his nasty friends.
If he makes any threats towards you, does anything criminal or anyone directly harasses you more than twice- file a police report along with the evidence.
Good luck!
thank you so much for putting your time into replying to this!

A little side note- his friend has been against me since the start of the relationship. I did nothing to him, he just didn’t like me. He is incredibly egotistical and isn’t liked by many people.

I don’t want it to have to be the case that I’m pushing what I want/ need to do behind me because of his behaviour. I want to be able to do things on my own accord but there’s that slight worry in the back of my mind like what would happen if we bumped into eachother. I have a group of around 5/6 guy friends they are all aware of the situation and they have been reassuring me nothing will happen, which slightly puts my mind at ease.

All of his other friends haven’t directly said anything aggressive towards me. There is one friend who I am completely fine with of his. (let’s call him “H”) My ex doesn’t like “H” much I am unaware why. “H” has been there for me through a lot of things before and after the breakup and he said to me “just because this has all happened I don’t have anything against you”. He has been one of the main ones who’s actually listened to me and heard what I have to say.

I would also like to add at one point me and him were on a “temporary break” because I was really starting to get fed up of him. We both went quiet for a few weeks and then when we started to talk again he told me he cut himself because of me.
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Anonymous #1
#8
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I have a feeling I might need to get someone involved. I just went to look at my emails I’ve found that one of his friends has sent me some money. Should I be concerned? Attachment 1056426
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