Why do I care that my ex just got married ?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I was with my ex-boyfriend for nearly 8 years. He was my childhood love but it was definitely toxic and I feel that there was an element of abuse to it.

We broke up just under 2 years ago, in a pretty bad breakup. He blocked me and he was just gone, almost like the whole 8 years had been a bad dream.
My friend texted me to tell me he got married (idk why she did that) and as soon as I read the message, I felt like a pain in my chest which was really weird because I thought I was over him now.
I just replied "oh k" because I couldn't bare the thought of her telling me anymore about it or about the girl he'd married.
I genuinely thought I was over it but now I feel devastated. I haven't cried or anything but more feel like numb. Almost like now it's really over even though it was over a lot before.
I also feel vengeful like...I want to "expose" him. I wouldn't really but I'm scared that I feel this way and I feel like I never really moved on anyway. I never got into another relationship and now I'm like maybe the reason is because I never moved on.

Anyone been in this situation and know when it stops hurting?
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Doomotron
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#2
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I was with my ex-boyfriend for nearly 8 years. He was my childhood love but it was definitely toxic and I feel that there was an element of abuse to it.

We broke up just under 2 years ago, in a pretty bad breakup. He blocked me and he was just gone, almost like the whole 8 years had been a bad dream.
My friend texted me to tell me he got married (idk why she did that) and as soon as I read the message, I felt like a pain in my chest which was really weird because I thought I was over him now.
I just replied "oh k" because I couldn't bare the thought of her telling me anymore about it or about the girl he'd married.
I genuinely thought I was over it but now I feel devastated. I haven't cried or anything but more feel like numb. Almost like now it's really over even though it was over a lot before.
I also feel vengeful like...I want to "expose" him. I wouldn't really but I'm scared that I feel this way and I feel like I never really moved on anyway. I never got into another relationship and now I'm like maybe the reason is because I never moved on.

Anyone been in this situation and know when it stops hurting?
Getting over people is difficult; I should know. I don't think it stops hurting over time, but it might get better by distracting yourself somehow. Do you have a boyfriend now?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Doomotron)
Getting over people is difficult; I should know. I don't think it stops hurting over time, but it might get better by distracting yourself somehow. Do you have a boyfriend now?
Nope, I’m still single but I was over it like I barely ever thought about him and when I did I felt nothing, it was more hearing he was married that hurt…like it triggered something
I would hope that over time it would become better tbh :/
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Doomotron
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Nope, I’m still single but I was over it like I barely ever thought about him and when I did I felt nothing, it was more hearing he was married that hurt…like it triggered something
I would hope that over time it would become better tbh :/
I expect that being told it made you start to wonder what could have been. That's the sad bit in things like this; the regret that you didn't do something or you should have done something else. Usually it's best to stick with what you did and accept it, but it is tough. Good luck.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Doomotron)
I expect that being told it made you start to wonder what could have been. That's the sad bit in things like this; the regret that you didn't do something or you should have done something else. Usually it's best to stick with what you did and accept it, but it is tough. Good luck.
How did you eventually move on?
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londonmyst
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#6
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#6
I understand some of how you feel.
It may not be because you care about him or have any interest in what he is doing with his life.
Suddenly hearing his name mentioned brings back memories of the past and this can lead you to subconsciously compare your current life with his or wonder how different your life may have been if things had gone in a different direction.

If the relationship was toxic and there were abusive elements to his behaviour, you are well rid.
Plenty of more attractive and compatible single guys in the dating sea looking for a relationship, many of whom you are yet to meet.
In the meantime, focus on building the happy future life that you want.
Take all the helpful life experience that you have gained over the course of your dating life, then leave all exes and ghosts of failed relationships in the past where they belong.
Good luck!
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Anonymous #1
#7
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I understand some of how you feel.
It may not be because you care about him or have any interest in what he is doing with his life.
Suddenly hearing his name mentioned brings back memories of the past and this can lead you to subconsciously compare your current life with his or wonder how different your life may have been if things had gone in a different direction.

If the relationship was toxic and there were abusive elements to his behaviour, you are well rid.
Plenty of more attractive and compatible single guys in the dating sea looking for a relationship, many of whom you are yet to meet.
In the meantime, focus on building the happy future life that you want.
Take all the helpful life experience that you have gained over the course of your dating life, then leave all exes and ghosts of failed relationships in the past where they belong.
Good luck!
Yes, I think you’re right. I don’t think I truly miss “him”. It’s just he was in my life from childhood until early adulthood, most of my growing was done with him so many many of my memories have him in them, so now heading his name brings everything back.
I’m also moving back home soon and that will make things difficult cos he was in and out of my home so many times and all the areas around my house remind me of him, it’s just so difficult. I was moving on so well, barely thinking of him and now every day I remember him :/
I never want anyone to bring jim up again
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Doomotron
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
How did you eventually move on?
I've never been in a situation like this. When I was talking about regrets I was actually referring to the death of my dog. When he died I kept on asking myself 'what if' questions. I wished that I'd walked him more, I wished that I played with him more, I wished I'd been nicer to him - that's what I'm referring to, the endless self-interrogation trying to put the blame for something on yourself or guilt-tripping your own brain. I've only had one girlfriend (unless we're counting silly year six 'relationships' in which case it's three) and it wasn't even a proper relationship. She thought I was ugly, I didn't think she liked me that much, and the closest thing we got to affection was hugging. I left her after a few weeks because I just didn't think the relationship was worth spending time for both of us. We stayed friends afterwards until her friends circulated a rumour that I used her for sex, and we haven't spoken since. I got over the break-up quickly but after a while I thought I'd made a mistake, but I couldn't act on that worry as that was when the rumour started. I guess the only good thing to come out of that relationship was the short confidence boost, where I felt more confident with women. Obviously it amounted to nothing.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Doomotron)
I've never been in a situation like this. When I was talking about regrets I was actually referring to the death of my dog. When he died I kept on asking myself 'what if' questions. I wished that I'd walked him more, I wished that I played with him more, I wished I'd been nicer to him - that's what I'm referring to, the endless self-interrogation trying to put the blame for something on yourself or guilt-tripping your own brain. I've only had one girlfriend (unless we're counting silly year six 'relationships' in which case it's three) and it wasn't even a proper relationship. She thought I was ugly, I didn't think she liked me that much, and the closest thing we got to affection was hugging. I left her after a few weeks because I just didn't think the relationship was worth spending time for both of us. We stayed friends afterwards until her friends circulated a rumour that I used her for sex, and we haven't spoken since. I got over the break-up quickly but after a while I thought I'd made a mistake, but I couldn't act on that worry as that was when the rumour started. I guess the only good thing to come out of that relationship was the short confidence boost, where I felt more confident with women. Obviously it amounted to nothing.
Ah, I see. Still that’s helpful, all losses are significant whether romantic or not.
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