How do I persuade my sister to live with me she is 14?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
A few weeks ago my parents died in a car crash. Our legal guardian in a case like this is our Uncle and Auntie though they aren't mine now I am of age. I want my sister to live with me because it is the same environment and she goes to school on our side of town and it would make more sense. My uncle has been helping me with finance and understanding what my parents left. I know I will have to look for a full time job but we have been left a reasonable sum money to last for a few years. However, my sister doesn't want to live with me for some reason. I don't know why as I can cook, I can drive, do laundry and learning how to pay bills. Why doesn't she want to live with me?
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Tracey_W
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A few weeks ago my parents died in a car crash. Our legal guardian in a case like this is our Uncle and Auntie though they aren't mine now I am of age. I want my sister to live with me because it is the same environment and she goes to school on our side of town and it would make more sense. My uncle has been helping me with finance and understanding what my parents left. I know I will have to look for a full time job but we have been left a reasonable sum money to last for a few years. However, my sister doesn't want to live with me for some reason. I don't know why as I can cook, I can drive, do laundry and learning how to pay bills. Why doesn't she want to live with me?
Sorry about that dreadful news about your parents


Unfortunately nobody can be forced to live with somebody else if they don't want to.
I know you mean good by offering to take her in to live with you but don't force her to make a decision that everyone could regret....

Best thing to do in the case is to obviously sit down with her and your uncle and auntie and discuss all the best options for her and let your sister decide where she wants to live about.
The main thing for you is to make sure you still seeing her and able to take her out etc okay 🙂.

You could suggest with you uncle and auntie about letting her stay over with you either during the school week as you mentioned that school close to you and then she could stay with them from the Friday afternoon until either Sunday afternoon or after school on the Monday just to save her travelling across town and back.
Sometimes sharing responsibilities with your family can be useful to everyone involved especially for your sister.
You will know who's the legal guardian for her if anything did happen to your parents together which in this case it did so whoever has been given this will have to discuss it further with rest of the family if say that they don't want to have her with themselves.
Have you discussed this with your family solicitors.....!!


Obviously nobody can say why she doesn't want to live with you because it's between you and your sister and family to sort out this.
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Muttly
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I am so sorry to hear of your huge loss, and I offer my sincere condolences to you and your family. It's a devastatingly hard time for anyone who has experienced the loss of their parents, and when it is sudden, unexpected and in such violent circumstances it is very hard to come to terms with. When you are so young there are no rule books to try and cope with all the emotions of grief and loss that are huge and overwhelming. The reasons for your sister wanting to stay elsewhere can be so varied and there are often the reasons are simple ones (in her view) for her wanting to do this. The only way really to find out is to gently talk with her about how she feels and what her wishes are.

Please try not to feel too rejected. Sometimes trying to cope with the huge changes that are on the horizon are all too much and quite often teenagers or children who want familiar surroundings, familiar people or environments which can make them feel safer. The thought of the unknown can be too much. Often they revert to behaviour expected of a younger child. It is the uncertainty, the loss, the insecurity, wondering what might happen next, that creates stress and the fear of the unknown. Then every relative is also grieving, and they may not even consider that a 14 year old child is experiencing just the same event, with their own grief and raft of questions. They may have lots of unanswered questions.

Your sister's school may have access to help and support, albeit right now there are the school holidays complicating the support mechanisms. In England, Wales and NI you may be able to make contact before the school closes.

Do use some of the specialist road death charities for you and your family to access help and support. Take a day at a time, and understand that it is ok for you to be upset, to grieve and feel out of control too. You do not have to stay strong for your Sister. Try to share how you feel but understand you will both have very different thoughts and outlooks. Some people want to talk about death and others don't. It doesn't mean someone doesn't feel pain or grief, just that the time may not be right for them to talk about it. This can often cause arguments and anger because other family members don't understand how you might feel or why you have certain outlooks or questions. Try to involve your Sister in the practical and emotional planning of everyday life. Just do your best to be there for her, and don't take it personally if she rejects your best efforts. Just be there and keep that talking door open.

Brake - Victim helpline: 0808 800 0401
Brake.org.uk

SCARD - Helpline: 0345 123 5542
Scard.org.uk

Winston's wish is a charity dedicated to helping grieving children
Helpline: 0808 802 0021
www.winstonswish.org
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