Is it normal that my boyfriend talks to an ex talking stage?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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Need some help - my boyfriend says I’m being dramatic but I just don’t understand the dynamic that’s going on.

My boyfriend used to have a talking stage with a girl for over a year - they never officially got together but they ended the talking stage around April 2021 due to them being far away in distance. When they ended things, they said that they’d have a no talk policy so they didn’t end up catching feelings again.

However, they still talk to eo. My boyfriend says it’s only a few times a year but I still think it’s strange, especially since he speaks of her fondly & says he looks back at that time with rose tinted glasses. He said they talk about things “friends” would - specifically uni life, about friends & family, telling eo stories and roasting eo as well. However, she doesn’t know he has a girlfriend bc apparently it never came up in convo (my view on this is if ur just catching up with just a friend wouldnt u tell them about ur new relationship?).

I’ve asked him countless times If he still likes her but he always denies it but I feel like if he’s truly moved on, he wouldn’t feel the need to talk to her & catch up. I understand if they say happy birthday or merry Christmas to each other but the stuff he’s said they talk about clearly goes beyond that & it makes me feel insecure that they need to talk this much.

There’s probably some information missing bc I’m typing this in a emotional state but can people lmk if I’m being dramatic? We’ve had altercations in the past where he had been talking on Snapchat to someone who he used to have a talking stage with & I told him I don’t appreciate it & it doesn’t make him look good, he says this situation is completely different.
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29swife
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#2
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you're not being dramatic, i'd feel the same way if my boyfriend was talking to an ex talking stage
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londonmyst
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Yes, it's normal.
Plenty of people decide to friendzone most of the reasonably pleasant people that they have realised they are incompatible with in a dating context due to their attraction dealbreakers or lifestyle preferences.
I've made quite a few good friends that way.
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LillyTeganLavSul
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Need some help - my boyfriend says I’m being dramatic but I just don’t understand the dynamic that’s going on.

My boyfriend used to have a talking stage with a girl for over a year - they never officially got together but they ended the talking stage around April 2021 due to them being far away in distance. When they ended things, they said that they’d have a no talk policy so they didn’t end up catching feelings again.

However, they still talk to eo. My boyfriend says it’s only a few times a year but I still think it’s strange, especially since he speaks of her fondly & says he looks back at that time with rose tinted glasses. He said they talk about things “friends” would - specifically uni life, about friends & family, telling eo stories and roasting eo as well. However, she doesn’t know he has a girlfriend bc apparently it never came up in convo (my view on this is if ur just catching up with just a friend wouldnt u tell them about ur new relationship?).

I’ve asked him countless times If he still likes her but he always denies it but I feel like if he’s truly moved on, he wouldn’t feel the need to talk to her & catch up. I understand if they say happy birthday or merry Christmas to each other but the stuff he’s said they talk about clearly goes beyond that & it makes me feel insecure that they need to talk this much.

There’s probably some information missing bc I’m typing this in a emotional state but can people lmk if I’m being dramatic? We’ve had altercations in the past where he had been talking on Snapchat to someone who he used to have a talking stage with & I told him I don’t appreciate it & it doesn’t make him look good, he says this situation is completely different.
I feel ya!!!
Boys r difficult to communicate with, and as us girls know, guys hide their feelings.
Maybe he still likes her deep down, and not completely over her. But if he carries on with this behaviour, dump him!!!! xx
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LillyTeganLavSul
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(Original post by 29swife)
you're not being dramatic, i'd feel the same way if my boyfriend was talking to an ex talking stage
yasss same!!!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Yes, it's normal.
Plenty of people decide to friendzone most of the reasonably pleasant people that they have realised they are incompatible with in a dating context due to their attraction dealbreakers or lifestyle preferences.
I've made quite a few good friends that way.
I understand this but the only reason they decided not to carry on talking with each other is because of distance, not to do with realising they were incompatible.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LillyTeganLavSul)
I feel ya!!!
Boys r difficult to communicate with, and as us girls know, guys hide their feelings.
Maybe he still likes her deep down, and not completely over her. But if he carries on with this behaviour, dump him!!!! xx
I know but it just hurts that he’s decided to get with me and drag me along even though he still likes her, like he had no obligation to be with me. I think I might break up with him, thank you though xx
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StriderHort
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I'm still in touch with prob most of my exes, and I'd still list a few as close friends, often the reason we didn't work out has little to do with us enjoying each others company in general.

I can't really say if he has any feeling or whatever for this other girl, but if you are just repeatedly interrogating him about it and expecting a different answer as it sounds, he will likely either dig his heels in or start lying to you simply for a quiet life even if nothing to hide.
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londonmyst
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#9
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(Original post by as2002x)
I understand that but the way he talks about this girl makes it seem like it’s something else
If you believe that he wants to hookup with her or date her, just end the relationship and move on.

Don't waste your valuable time and energy on a guy that you don't trust or heavily suspect is lying to you.
Nor a bf that you think is using you as a rebound gf/backup girl/convenient audience and means of getting sex.
Plenty of more compatible single guys in the dating sea.
Good luck!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
I'm still in touch with prob most of my exes, and I'd still list a few as close friends, often the reason we didn't work out has little to do with us enjoying each others company in general.

I can't really say if he has any feeling or whatever for this other girl, but if you are just repeatedly interrogating him about it and expecting a different answer as it sounds, he will likely either dig his heels in or start lying to you simply for a quiet life even if nothing to hide.
Can I ask why you still talk to your previous interests? In my mind, if something is over then it’s over and I’m not really looking to catch up with them regularly and I think bc they have the whole no talking policy as well, it just rubbed me the wrong way.
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LillyTeganLavSul
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(Original post by Anonymous)I know but it just hurts that he’s decided to get with me and drag me along even though he still likes her, like he had no obligation to be with me. I think I might break up with him, thank you though xx
yes i know how u feel.

There was this guy that i was with...he sexually assulted me, but dw, he's gone now, and not even one week after i broke up w him, he got w another girl. Honestly, u so need 2 find someone who is worthy of u xx
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LillyTeganLavSul
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(Original post by LillyTeganLavSul)
(Original post by Anonymous)I know but it just hurts that he’s decided to get with me and drag me along even though he still likes her, like he had no obligation to be with me. I think I might break up with him, thank you though xx
yes i know how u feel.

There was this guy that i was with...he sexually assulted me, but dw, he's gone now, and not even one week after i broke up w him, he got w another girl. Honestly, u so need 2 find someone who is worthy of u xx
ik it hurts btw, i get my heart broken all the time, its horrible xx
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Anonymous #1
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Also we had another altercation like this back in April when he was talking to someone else he used to talk to, but he has cut her off. I don’t understand why he won’t do the same for this person
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LillyTeganLavSul)
ik it hurts btw, i get my heart broken all the time, its horrible xx
Truly is, thought I’d finally found someone worthwhile, I hope you’re okay though xxx
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LillyTeganLavSul
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dont take this in the wrong way, but personally i dont get guys. i really dont.
Also, maybe he feels differently abt this girl?? and then he'll realize what a different person she is, and probably move back 2 u.
Honestly, just break it off, and he'll realize he's lost a great person

as well, there's this guy that ive liked since yr 7, and honestly, im crazyyyyyy abt him, idk y tho.
And he moved 2 brunei. it broke my heart, it really did, and i ended up in hospital cuz i tried 2 kill myself, and he was pressuring me 4 sex. Honestly, OVER THE HEARTBREAK, ditch him. I promise u, u'll find someone better, and u will get over him eventually xxx
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LillyTeganLavSul
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Truly is, thought I’d finally found someone worthwhile, I hope you’re okay though xxx
aww thanks.
Im better, but i just wanna find a good guy, and all of them are either obsessed with sex or obsessed about themselves, and honestly, im ok, but it's just so frustrating xx
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LillyTeganLavSul
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Truly is, thought I’d finally found someone worthwhile, I hope you’re okay though xxx
me too btw, none of my ex's r worthwile tho xx
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Can I ask why you still talk to your previous interests? In my mind, if something is over then it’s over and I’m not really looking to catch up with them regularly and I think bc they have the whole no talking policy as well, it just rubbed me the wrong way.
It honestly sounds a weird question to me, but I'll try...

Friend and romantic relationships are simply different in many ways, one does not exclude the other. if something was simply over when it was over, then how could a friendship ever develop into anything more if any change spelled an end?

I don't tend to enter romantic relationships beyond a fling with people I don't already basically like as people, unless we see DRASTICALLY different aspects of ourselves down the line, that wouldn't change whether we started or ended a romantic element to the relationship.

Despite being an ongoing natural disaster I am largely a pleasant and calm person, my breakups tend to be merely 'sad' rather some huge scream fest/violent outburst/love cheat triangle, not really the sort of things that leave deep emotional scars... so there often simply isn't the nastiness stopping us talking down the line, esp if we have friends in common who also weren't dragged into anything horrible. This does also require being honest with yourself, am I wanting to stay friends or am I wanting back together, or worse, to mope around like a sap for attention, hoping their new bf gets felled by a heart attack or something and you can swoop in.

I should add this perspective has largely came from maturity and learning from mistakes, i prob couldn't have looked at things this way as teen.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
It honestly sounds a weird question to me, but I'll try...

Friend and romantic relationships are simply different in many ways, one does not exclude the other. if something was simply over when it was over, then how could a friendship ever develop into anything more if any change spelled an end?

I don't tend to enter romantic relationships beyond a fling with people I don't already basically like as people, unless we see DRASTICALLY different aspects of ourselves down the line, that wouldn't change whether we started or ended a romantic element to the relationship.

Despite being an ongoing natural disaster I am largely a pleasant and calm person, my breakups tend to be merely 'sad' rather some huge scream fest/violent outburst/love cheat triangle, not really the sort of things that leave deep emotional scars... so there often simply isn't the nastiness stopping us talking down the line, esp if we have friends in common who also weren't dragged into anything horrible. This does also require being honest with yourself, am I wanting to stay friends or am I wanting back together, or worse, to mope around like a sap for attention, hoping their new bf gets felled by a heart attack or something and you can swoop in.

I should add this perspective has largely came from maturity and learning from mistakes, i prob couldn't have looked at things this way as teen.
Okay I understand that but also, if you got a girlfriend or boyfriend would you still continue to talk to these people? And would you tell them oh I have a partner now?
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LillyTeganLavSul
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay I understand that but also, if you got a girlfriend or boyfriend would you still continue to talk to these people? And would you tell them oh I have a partner now?
good point x
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