Controlling parents

Watch this thread
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
This is going to sound pathetic, I’m 18 and I have finished my alevels so waiting for my results. I have landed my dream job in the city of london which is about 40 mins away from where I live but my parents (they’re strict) say no and that they don’t want me coming home after 8pm when the job is 11am-8pm.

I feel prepared to move out and live with a friend if they prevent me from starting on Thursday - is this stupid? I’m so confused because the pay is so good and I have always wanted that job. It’s honestly an amazing opportunity and I’m scared I won’t be allowed this opportunity just because my parents are so scared of the world

Any advice will help please
0
reply
DataVenia
Badges: 20
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
I'm curious as to what sort of job in the City doesn't start until 11:00am (other than hospitality work, which would typically extend beyond 8:00pm), but let's not get distracted by that.

Your parents are worried about your safety, and that's understandable. Have you thought through the route you'd be taking home? I assume they're OK with you on a tube/train at 8:00pm, and that there's a walk involved - perhaps from the station to your front door? That's probably the part they're worried about, especially if it's poorly lit.

You could remind them that it's actually lighter at 9:00pm in the summer than it is at 6:00pm in the winter, and do they really intend to prevent you walking home after 6:00pm during winter?

Is there any way you could make your journey safer (in their eyes)? A different route? A taxi back from the station (expensive)? Using a scooter to/from the station? Something else?

Try asking them at what age you would be allowed out after 8:00pm. 21? 25? They still see you as a child, not a new adult. It's hard for them. For the last 18 years it's been their job to keep you safe. Now, you have to do that for yourself and that's a struggle for them. Try to empathise with their position during the conversation.

If you can't persuade them, then you need to decide what's most important to you: this "amazing opportunity" or the approval of your parents. If it's the former (as I suspect that it is) then moving in with a friend might be your only option.

How will you react when they say "No" to that too? Can you even get that sorted by Thursday?
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by DataVenia)
I'm curious as to what sort of job in the City doesn't start until 11:00am (other than hospitality work, which would typically extend beyond 8:00pm), but let's not get distracted by that.

Your parents are worried about your safety, and that's understandable. Have you thought through the route you'd be taking home? I assume they're OK with you on a tube/train at 8:00pm, and that there's a walk involved - perhaps from the station to your front door? That's probably the part they're worried about, especially if it's poorly lit.

You could remind them that it's actually lighter at 9:00pm in the summer than it is at 6:00pm in the winter, and do they really intend to prevent you walking home after 6:00pm during winter?

Is there any way you could make your journey safer (in their eyes)? A different route? A taxi back from the station (expensive)? Using a scooter to/from the station? Something else?

Try asking them at what age you would be allowed out after 8:00pm. 21? 25? They still see you as a child, not a new adult. It's hard for them. For the last 18 years it's been their job to keep you safe. Now, you have to do that for yourself and that's a struggle for them. Try to empathise with their position during the conversation.

If you can't persuade them, then you need to decide what's most important to you: this "amazing opportunity" or the approval of your parents. If it's the former (as I suspect that it is) then moving in with a friend might be your only option.

How will you react when they say "No" to that too? Can you even get that sorted by Thursday?
Thank you, I liked how you reasoned it. The only issue is my parents are just controlling sometimes for the sake of being controlling like they don’t want me going anywhere at all, which is okay I guess but I’m going to uni soon and I just know the freedom there will be intense for me. As for the job, it starts at 11am because it’s a designer fashion house so I will be a fashion assistant - it’s more prestigious than it sounds. I guess I’m just tired of their “control” and I feel like if they say no I would likely not talk to them for a good while maybe until I’m at uni away from them, and I know it sounds very immature but it was not an easy job to get at all and my father rules the house in a very tyrannical way and my mum is very hysterical and that combination is exhausting
0
reply
Gym Bunny
Badges: 13
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
You're 18, you don't need their permission or approval to accept a job opportunity. Rent a room in a house share or live with friends if you taking the job will cause conflict with your parents. I can understand that they may be worried about your safety at coming home late at night, but you're going to be out socialising lots later than that soon.
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Gym Bunny)
You're 18, you don't need their permission or approval to accept a job opportunity. Rent a room in a house share or live with friends if you taking the job will cause conflict with your parents. I can understand that they may be worried about your safety at coming home late at night, but you're going to be out socialising lots later than that soon.
The only thing is I’m scared, I’m pretty sure they will disown me if I do that - I have been heavily considering moving out and because that have made me so dependent on them financially, I lack that independence I think. Plus I have so much stuff at my house hopefully the police will prevent them from chucking my stuff out or burning it - I am heavily considering leaving, just don’t know how to execute it
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest

How did The Student Room help you with your university application?

Talking to current university students (19)
18.63%
Talking to peers going through the same thing (35)
34.31%
Speaking to student ambassadors from the universities (6)
5.88%
Speaking to staff members from universities (2)
1.96%
Using the personal statement builder, library or helper service (10)
9.8%
Reading articles about what steps to take (19)
18.63%
Learning about/speaking to Student Finance England (4)
3.92%
Something else (tell us in the thread) (7)
6.86%

Watched Threads

View All