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My boyfriend has purchased someone he knows only fans, what’s your opinion on this?

My partner & I have been together for 3 years, this is not the first red flag he has given me but I have bpd, we live together, I feel very attached to him & struggle massively to let go. I found out that a few months ago, he paid for a girls only fans, someone he knew years & years ago. She bullied him pretty badly during teenage years and spread some awful rumours that I actually remember hearing about (I’ve known my boyfriend since we were teenagers). He claims that he hates her and she hates him & that she made his life misery. He had messaged her privately though only fans & asked if she wants to meet him for sex for £150 (bear in mind, at the time he was out of work and did not have any money). He claims he never would have met her & would never pay for sex, he just wanted to see how low she would stoop and if she would illegally prostitute herself for a small amount of money. To me, this is degrading to the girl and I find it disgusting. I don’t think he would physically cheat or have met her, but he complimented her through only fans and paid for her content for 1 month, so she’s actually gained something from him hating on her. He also purchased another random girls only fans who popped up as a suggestion, he told me he was trying something new as porn doesn’t satisfy him & he only masturbates to old videos of us and my nudes (I know this is true as I have caught him many times, but the nudes & videos of us were from over a year ago as our sex life has died down a lot since then). He said the only fans content wasn’t for him & he didn’t resubscribe (which is true as I checked).

I’m not too upset about the random girl or the fact that he watches porn as I watch it too - but paying for someone’s only fans who he knows, is really personal to me. Plus the fact that he was messaging her and telling her he wanted to create content with her one day. He claims it was out of curiosity & he wanted to see how far she would go.

She looks nothing like me, has fake boobs, fake tan, long hair extensions - I am a feminine girl with blonde hair and good assets, I know how attracted he is to me and that I’m an attractive woman, but this has made me feel so insecure. He’s made mistakes in the past and had a secret friendship with a girl via social media before behind my back, I don’t trust him. It seems to me like he craves attention or has gotten bored being in a relationship with a committed woman - I don’t know.

What are your thoughts on this?
Run. It is not a relationship if you have to constantly check are ask questions. This is emotional cheating and only develop into a toxic relationship if you feel you are inadequate. The fact you raised these concerns and his response was to dismiss or ignore it is a red flag. Can you see a future in this? Will this behaviour change? He already shows a lack of respect for woman (regardless of past) and I honestly can't understand why he's hung up on a girl years ago and why he cares to pursue it or push the limits. I'm sure she's gaining good income for this and sex work is work. If this is the man you want to have a family with, that's your choice but sometimes it's better to let go than being continued to be treated this way
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:
If dishonest habits or spending money on intimate sexual content on onlyfans are dealbreakers for you- stick to your dealbreakers and end the relationship.

I wouldn't date a guy who could not move on and was bitter & obsessed with getting revenge on a non-violent school bully years after leaving school.
Then again I have a lot of dealbreakers and wouldn't consider date a guy who enjoyed watching/seeing hardcore pornography content or was unemployed and claiming welfare.
Plenty of more compatible single guys in the dating sea.
Good luck!

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