Tips for dating a coworker?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Before I get into this, I don't want any talk about how you feel about dating coworkers. It's not my question. Why shouldn't two people, who happen to work together, get together if that's what they want.

We've been seeing eachother for close to a month. We've had an agreement of sorts not to mention anything to our colleagues because, frankly, it doesn't concern them, and we aren't official or anything just yet.

The feeling's mutual, and there is nothing in our work clause/contract to suggest we need to disclose anything.

I just want things to run smoothly between us, like they would if we weren't working together. That's how I think things should be.

Has anyone been in this situation and have any valuable input/experience to share?
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Zarek
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#2
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#2
If there’s no conflicts of interest then it’s fine. If there are formal or informal reporting relationships or project collaborations its worth considering proactively raising it with your managers. My advice would be to keep the romance when it’s known low key, avoid lunching together, accompanying each other at company events until you are well established etc. Also to give a little thought now about how you will feel and react if you break up. While I didn’t regret the relationship, I was happier when she eventually left. As you say many people meet their partners at work, good luck.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by Zarek)
If there’s no conflicts of interest then it’s fine. If there are formal or informal reporting relationships or project collaborations its worth considering proactively raising it with your managers. My advice would be to keep the romance when it’s known low key, avoid lunching together, accompanying each other at company events until you are well established etc. Also to give a little thought now about how you will feel and react if you break up. While I didn’t regret the relationship, I was happier when she eventually left. As you say many people meet their partners at work, good luck.
Good advice. I'm definitely not going to talk about break ups with her. We aren't official together and that's extremely negative. I can imagine she'd start to get worried.

There's no reason to bring it up to my manager or HR. There's nothing to suggest we should.

I know our colleagues might find out... I'd rather it later than any time soon.
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Briefprofile
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Before I get into this, I don't want any talk about how you feel about dating coworkers. It's not my question. Why shouldn't two people, who happen to work together, get together if that's what they want.

We've been seeing eachother for close to a month. We've had an agreement of sorts not to mention anything to our colleagues because, frankly, it doesn't concern them, and we aren't official or anything just yet.

The feeling's mutual, and there is nothing in our work clause/contract to suggest we need to disclose anything.

I just want things to run smoothly between us, like they would if we weren't working together. That's how I think things should be.

Has anyone been in this situation and have any valuable input/experience to share?
Set boundaries/rules and be clear about them. Especially with the public display of affection. Lunches. You could have lunch together sometimes. Or with the other colleagues. It doesn't always have to be dates. It's a workplace.

I know it's too early in the relationship, but you better make it clear if it's just a fling or something more. The last thing you need is bouts of jealousy and drama. This way expectations and behaviour are dictated.and clear.

At all means, avoid sexual contact/sexual activities at work. You know the random quickies in the bathroom, it's fun, but it doesn't bode well with what you are trying to achieve here re: keeping it down low. Also, could get you in trouble with HR.

Don't freeze her out. Where you are speaking to everyone but her. Continue being normal, talk to her like you would normally etc and be affectionate without being overboard. It's wierd if you ice her out at work but switch up when you meet up after work. So balance it out.

And enjoy it. Don't think about the break up or whatever. Life is too short to be anticipating the worst. Also are you in the same office?
Last edited by Briefprofile; 4 weeks ago
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Zarek
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#5
Report 4 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Good advice. I'm definitely not going to talk about break ups with her. We aren't official together and that's extremely negative. I can imagine she'd start to get worried.

There's no reason to bring it up to my manager or HR. There's nothing to suggest we should.

I know our colleagues might find out... I'd rather it later than any time soon.
Agree you don’t talk about breakups with her. It’s just about a bit of self reflection which I naively avoided. Mind you I do believe in living for now in relationships. Hope you end up married with kids
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Anonymous #2
#6
Report 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Before I get into this, I don't want any talk about how you feel about dating coworkers. It's not my question. Why shouldn't two people, who happen to work together, get together if that's what they want.

We've been seeing eachother for close to a month. We've had an agreement of sorts not to mention anything to our colleagues because, frankly, it doesn't concern them, and we aren't official or anything just yet.

The feeling's mutual, and there is nothing in our work clause/contract to suggest we need to disclose anything.

I just want things to run smoothly between us, like they would if we weren't working together. That's how I think things should be.

Has anyone been in this situation and have any valuable input/experience to share?
I am in this current situation like yourself not to date my co-worker but I want to tell her how I feel about her but I hesitate to know how she feels about me even though we’ve both made bait and obvious clear signs that we like each-other. That’s the approach I am currently taking, taking things as it comes step by step like for example I utilised the opportunity whilst we were together to informally get to know each-other better for example a-bit more about family, interests and hobbies… etc
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