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I feel like I'm not in control of myself

I am aware that nothing in life matters, no one gives a flying f about what you do, what you wear, what you say blah blah. But in situations my 'body' seems to care so much.

I feel like I can't control my body/mind when out in the real world/public. Like rn I'm at home and I knowwwwww no one cares about my life I should do whatever I want, I should just be confident and live a good life.. But when I'm out there's like a block or something preventing me from who I wanna be.

In real life/public I'm the most shy, awkward, unsociable, inept, scared little female you'd ever meet. I can't talk to humans properly, I go bright red and shakey when attention is on me, and I just act weird like I'll make weird facial expressions or I'll just be really clumsy and awkward. I can't bring myself to wear clothes I like - I'll wear them leaving the house but I'll cover them up all day even if it's stifling weather.

I want to be a really confident sociable person with loads of friends but when I'm around people I go mute. At school I can't speak infront of a class, I know NO ONE cares at all but I shut off, go red, sweat, shake, throw up LOL, physically can't do it. I drive, and it took ages for me to go for a drive on my own.. I can do it now but not on new roads. And I can't go to a petrol station on my own. I make my dad or brother come with me. I know it's stupid because you're there for like 10 minutes and everyone fills up their car and no one cares AGAIN but I physically cannot drive myself to a petrol station and get out the car. I feel like something else is controlling me.


It just sucks so bad because I WANT to do these things so bad. I WANT to be so confident so why can't I just be confident? I can't even 'pretend' to be confident because I'm not confident enough to?!?!?!

Idk what to do it's just a massive circle going round and round with no fix.
Watch YouTube videos about confidence- a lot of them. You really DO have to TRY and PRETEND to be confidence. You have to fake it till you make it literally. Confidence and self esteem issues are hard honestly and you won’t be able to fix them unless you acc try.

You have to PRETEND like you know what you’re doing- act like no one knows you and this is their first time seeing you. For example, go to the petrol station as if you YOU’VE BEEN there so many times before, act like you know what you’re doing and you’re the main character lmaoo. With clothes- do the same. Act like you’ve worn this outfits before, you love it and you’re walking on a fashion show. Chip in some narcissistic thoughts too to help with gaining sky high confidence. Be shy- it’s fine. Just maintain eye contact to cancel out the rest. Feed yourself with liesss until you begin to believe them. Since you care about what people think remind yourself that there’s guys out there who love shy weird girls lmaoo so walk on this earth like all the guys around you are those type of guys and they all want you. With girls- don’t bother. Tell yourself they all wanna be you.

Can’t pretend at all? Lie to yourself. Turn your negatives into positives

Good luck!!
(edited 1 year ago)

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