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Broke up with the bf, now like his best friend... Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anon please, people knwo I use this.

    Basically at the moment im quite confused.
    Me and my boyfriend split up last week, it was his decision totally, I didnt want to at all. I still miss him and want him back yet recently ive been thinking about his friend like I havent before.
    There was times during my relationship with my boyfriend when I thought I might like his friend but I kinda cancelled it out of my head, because I knew I had a boyfriend who I loved and I didnt need anyone else.
    Now that im single, it's kinda like ive subconsciously told myself that it's ok to like him now and all of a sudden all these feelings are coming around.
    He isnt just my ex's best friend, he is also one of my closest friends, but at the same time I dont think it would be weird with him if I went out with him.
    It's kinda a frustrating situation for me because whilst I miss my ex a lot, I cant help but like his best friend, yet I dont think I can do anything about it.

    Has anyone else felt like this and what happened? Did you do/say anything?

    Thanks
    • #2
    #2

    Welcome to my world. :rolleyes: I have a thread just like this in H&R at the moment.

    But there are two key differences to my situation:
    a) You're potentially rebounding
    b) You might be chasing something that isn't even an option. Does the best friend like you?

    I find it interesting, and a bit alarming, that you've only started to feel strongly a week after you were dumped by your ex...
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    Yes, i went out with this girl who i loved more than anything, than her best friend came along, we started talking i got more emotionally detached from my gf and more into her best friend so i broke up with my gf with intention to go out with her best friend, my gf was heartbroken i felt low, lower than ive felt before but at the same time excited about dating her best friend. So we went for it everyday we were together my ex gf was getting worse and worse, her friends started to dislike me more and more as did my own as we were all part of a group. I couldn't take it in the end i broke with her best friend, but to this day i still regret what i have done. One piece of advice in life, never mess with friends, its not only you and that girl its a whole bunch of other people you dont think about. So my advice to you would push this to the back of your head and dont do it, but this is entirely your decision. Hope that helped sort of =P
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I wouldnt say im feeling about him strongly, it's just kinda that feeling you get when you have a 'crush' someone I guess you could say. I wouldnt call it a rebound either, because ive had rebounds, I know what they are like, I would say this is like that, but at the same time I would be interested in going out with him.

    As for the chasing someone who isnt an option...that's one thing I just dont know, and I dont know how to find out really. Obviously there is the obvious way of telling him, but I dont feel right just coming out with that really. I dunno it just feels strange I guess.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Also damadmonkey, I know how it is to go out with friends, the boyfriend who I have split with was a friend to me before hand, and now we have split we have just gone back to that.
    I know what you mean about not using friends for that, but really I dont feel as close to anyone else than my friends.
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    It depends on several things -

    - If you are close friends with the guy then you need to seriously think about the reprocussions of doing anything before doing it. If you go for it and he doesn't want it, is he mature enough to remain friends?

    - How close are you still to your Ex? If your still friends with him then I would leave it a little while. You only split up with him last week and if you've remained friends with him then it needs some time and, if I was you and depending on his maturity, I would run it through him first - not to ask for his approval but to see what his reaction is.

    Your trading on egg shells and you need to be a tad careful.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I know about the egg shells, I know this is dangerous territory lol.

    With regards to the ex, ive been talking to him but to be honest, I couldnt care less if he cared about it, because he has hurt me so much that hurting him back would be a great bonus for me to go out with this guy really.
    Sounds harsh, but really no-one has hurt me so much and he is acting as if he doesnt even care. His maturity? Zero in my opinion.
    His friend is quite the opposite, ive seen how he is in relationships and he is very mature and he has been hurt like I have when he dated another one of our friends.
    • #2
    #2

    OK... reading your last post I think it is safe to say you're on the rebound path. A few thoughts come to mind, with potentially more than one of them holding some truth:

    - Your ex hurt you; you want to hurt him. His best friend is the best way to do this.
    - You're on the rebound. Your ex's mate seems like a decent choice, given his attitude to relationships.
    - You're using this 'crush' on his best friend to divert your thoughts from the hurt your ex has caused. You don't want to think about the real issue, so you focus attention on another issue that doesn't even exist.

    A summary? Stop creating confusion and focus on getting over your ex. Thinking about his best friend isn't going to help. and they're most likely superficial thoughts anyway. I might be wrong but that's my reading of this.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon please, people knwo I use this.

    Basically at the moment im quite confused.
    Me and my boyfriend split up last week, it was his decision totally, I didnt want to at all. I still miss him and want him back yet recently ive been thinking about his friend like I havent before.
    There was times during my relationship with my boyfriend when I thought I might like his friend but I kinda cancelled it out of my head, because I knew I had a boyfriend who I loved and I didnt need anyone else.
    Now that im single, it's kinda like ive subconsciously told myself that it's ok to like him now and all of a sudden all these feelings are coming around.
    He isnt just my ex's best friend, he is also one of my closest friends, but at the same time I dont think it would be weird with him if I went out with him.
    It's kinda a frustrating situation for me because whilst I miss my ex a lot, I cant help but like his best friend, yet I dont think I can do anything about it.

    Has anyone else felt like this and what happened? Did you do/say anything?

    Thanks
    (please leave anon)

    Some of my friends were very recently in this exact situation with the genders reversed. After spending a few weeks begging his ex to change her mind, the guy finally gave up and asked out her best friend a few days later (who to be fair, he has had feelings for before). What you've said sounds similar to him. In his case, the best friend considered it and ended up developing strong feelings for him. The ex claimed not to mind and wanted them to be happy (it did hurt her, but she refused to admit it until one day she accidentally let it slip to me and made me swear not to tell the other girl hence anon). However, the guy ended up messing his new girlfriend about a lot due to not being over his ex. She got hurt a lot by him and other events suggest the ex was hurt more than she'd ever admit. The guy was upset about hurting them and still wasn't over his ex, making it especially complicated when she found a new boyfriend. Basically, everyone's unhappy.

    All in all, I think it hurts too many people and is too complicated, but if you really want to do it, at least wait until you're over your ex.
 
 
 
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