The Student Room Group

If you lead on your ex after having left them for someone else...

If you lead on your ex, whom you left for someone else, just to make sure they do not cut you off and you sweet talk to them without meaning it, does this count as cheating to your current partner?

In other words, is it cheating when you don't really mean the words you tell your ex and feel nothing towards them but do it because you don't want them to cut you off?

Ex is still interested but I am not, I am not attracted to her at all. I pretend I may have some lingering feelings for her and sweet talk to her, because I don't want her to exit my life and because I feel a bit insecure with my current gf, whom I left her for.

Is this cheating towards my gf, even if I don't feel anything towards my ex? I don't want to be a cheater of course.

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Yes, it is.
Original post by toxicgamage56
Yes, it is.


Even if it is only texting and maybe a hug there and there and no sex is involved?
No, it is not cheating.
But it is very unpleasant and dishonest behaviour.
Suggestive of a habitually untrustworthy and highly opportunistic individual, who has the intention of duping both gf & ex for as long as possible in order to derive an ego boost or maximum personal convenience.
Original post by londonmyst
No, it is not cheating.
But it is very unpleasant and dishonest behaviour.
Suggestive of a habitually untrustworthy and highly opportunistic individual, who has the intention of duping both gf & ex for as long as possible in order to derive an ego boost or maximum personal convenience.


I am not an opportunistic individual, I care for people.

But I can't get this ex out of my life because she covers for my loneliness with my gf and she gives me a sense of security: no matter what happens, we will always have each other, just like a child has their parents.

I love her like family whereas she loves me like a partner and it is killing me everyday to give her false hope, but I don't want her to exit my life.
Physically, it's not really cheating, but definitely emotionally. It's quite selfish to lead someone on like that, but you also sound codependent. I'd say work on building a support network of friends if you aren't close with or don't have much of a family, because it is unhealthy to be so reliant on one person.
Reply 6
Not you again! The actual story is that you've cheated on them both, are lying to your current girlfriend, have been for 6 months, use your ex for accommodation and company, and been told to sort things out...

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7236692
Original post by Anonymous
I am not an opportunistic individual, I care for people.

But I can't get this ex out of my life because she covers for my loneliness with my gf and she gives me a sense of security: no matter what happens, we will always have each other, just like a child has their parents.

I love her like family whereas she loves me like a partner and it is killing me everyday to give her false hope, but I don't want her to exit my life.


It seems you care most for yourself. You are behaving appallingly to your ex - callously using her without any regard to her feelings. She deserves a lot better.
(Original post by SagaciousSag)Physically, it's not really cheating, but definitely emotionally. It's quite selfish to lead someone on like that, but you also sound codependent. I'd say work on building a support network of friends if you aren't close with or don't have much of a family, because it is unhealthy to be so reliant on one person.

Yes, it is not because I am a bad person but because I am a codependent, I really want the best for my ex.
Original post by Anonymous
(Original post by SagaciousSag)Physically, it's not really cheating, but definitely emotionally. It's quite selfish to lead someone on like that, but you also sound codependent. I'd say work on building a support network of friends if you aren't close with or don't have much of a family, because it is unhealthy to be so reliant on one person.

Yes, it is not because I am a bad person but because I am a codependent, I really want the best for my ex.


If you don't want to be a bad person then stop doing it. Giving your cruel behaviour a name does not make it any more acceptable.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by EBluebear
If you don't ant to be a bad person then stop doing it. Giving your cruel behaviour a name does not make it any more acceptable.


Easier said than done though.
Original post by Surnia
Not you again! The actual story is that you've cheated on them both, are lying to your current girlfriend, have been for 6 months, use your ex for accommodation and company, and been told to sort things out...

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7236692


Don't know what you are talking about. I am not the person you claim I am?
Original post by Anonymous
Easier said than done though.

Probably so, but you should try.
Original post by Anonymous
Don't know what you are talking about. I am not the person you claim I am?

It sounds remarkably similar, so maybe you should compare notes with that poster...
Original post by Anonymous
(Original post by SagaciousSag)Physically, it's not really cheating, but definitely emotionally. It's quite selfish to lead someone on like that, but you also sound codependent. I'd say work on building a support network of friends if you aren't close with or don't have much of a family, because it is unhealthy to be so reliant on one person.

Yes, it is not because I am a bad person but because I am a codependent, I really want the best for my ex.

So is the the other poster I linked:
Attachment not found
Original post by Surnia
So is the the other poster I linked:
Attachment not found


Wow, that indeeds seems similar. But still, not me.
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You’ve described some quite toxic behaviour on your part, so I am not altogether surprised that users aren’t barging your door down to help you out.

It’s an unpleasant situation entirely of your own making.

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