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    Sometime ago I started to get very depressed, culminating in a very serious suicide attempt at the beginning of this year, that was frighteningly close to being successful. I was in intensive care briefly, then a psych unit for a while. This incident, plus all the run up to it negatively affected just about all areas of my life, my A levels went to crap, I lost my job etc etc. After discharge I very slowly started to recover, and by summer I felt like I was back to my old self, I was happy. I had a fantastic job and a place at Uni, and everything looked very positive.

    However over the past few weeks I've noticed some all too familiar traits creeping back. I feel very lethargic, I feel inadequate in all respects, I can't help but view things negatively most of the time, my self esteem (low at the best of times) has plummetted. I'm terrified that everything's going to go downhill again, I'm terrified at the thought that I'll screw everything up again, mess up uni, lose my job, I can't let it happen

    I know I should see my GP again, and I guess I'll go back on the pills, but I won't get any other help from them. Last time all I got was visits to the psychiatrist every 6 weeks where they ticked a few boxes on a questionaire to make sure I wasn't planning on killing myself again then sent me home.
    The only counselling I was offered was an infrequent drop in center, and whenever I went there they didn't offer any advice or help, all they did was listen and go "I see". That's not what I need, I need some help, and I don't know where to turn.

    I'm also terrified my family will find out. They were so devastated last time, I couldn't bare to put them through it again. They have such high hopes for me, I can't bare to let them down.
    • #2
    #2

    Very quick reply here, ever thought about SAD, you sound very similar to me?
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    It could just be that you're going through relapses. Try not to think too much about it cos it'll only bring you down more. You obviously got through it once and you can do it again.
    • #3
    #3

    it sounds exactly what i am like at the moment
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    Someone has mentioned SAD already. Maybe you should research into it a bit.

    I suffer from SAD and I can recognise the symptoms you described.

    Having depression doesn't mean you're letting anyone down. It's a chemical imbalance. Stop beating yourself up. =)
    • #2
    #2

    You say you attempted suicide at the begining of this year, I suffer from SAD and I'm at my lowest in January (I've normally forced myself back on to my meds about this time but it's too late) but recovered in the summer, another sign of mine (but this is less effective now, maybe due to the lousy summers we're having).

    Over the past few few weeks my own psychological behaviour is following its old path and my self esteem is very low. My GP is very understanding and listens. The Psych appointments will have evaluated you in many ways, not just what you were saying and the longer you drop in or whatever the better support you'll get, believe me, they will normally spot any behaviour changes before you're even aware of them.

    Families are brilliant support. And let's face it, you've probably got a chemical imbalance at this time of year because of where we live, let's face it, we're evolved to live in Africa/The Med, there's no sunshine around here and it's a medical fact that this WILL affect moods.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by hannah_dru)
    It could just be that you're going through relapses. Try not to think too much about it cos it'll only bring you down more. You obviously got through it once and you can do it again.
    With Medical and Psychological help.

    Take care and any help/advice you can find
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    (Original post by SuicideCommando)
    Someone has mentioned SAD already. Maybe you should research into it a bit.

    I suffer from SAD and I can recognise the symptoms you described.

    Having depression doesn't mean you're letting anyone down. It's a chemical imbalance. Stop beating yourself up. =)
    i'm also suffering from it. when the weather turns like this i feel i'm never seeing daylight and i can't motivate myself to do everything. i actually hate this time of year!
    • #4
    #4

    right, i'm not being cheeky here.
    genuinely genuinely not.
    i couldn't comment on a condition i've never experienced(depression)
    this is just a question that's been bugging me.

    what's worse, having depression and being suicidal, or having to have major surgery e.g. heart transplant?
    from a depressed suicidal state, if you were told the feeling would pass if you had a heart transplant, would you take it, if it was guaranteed that the heart would work properly and last a full lifetime?
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    (Original post by Jinxy)
    i'm also suffering from it. when the weather turns like this i feel i'm never seeing daylight and i can't motivate myself to do everything. i actually hate this time of year!
    I actually can't physically move in the morning -_-. That's the worst part - cos I just wish I'd go to sleep and never wake up and then when my wish doesn't come true and then I open my eyes and see it's horrible weather it makes me go into a hugeee mood.
    Expect motivational messages from me in your inbox.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    With Medical and Psychological help.

    Take care and any help/advice you can find
    True but its kinda about your own mindset as well. I'm determined not to go back where I was and when I get a relapse I just think, "I can get through this." and make a joke out of it.
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    (Original post by hannah_dru)
    True but its kinda about your own mindset as well. I'm determined not to go back where I was and when I get a relapse I just think, "I can get through this." and make a joke out of it.
    No anon?
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    haha i thought he was on about depression in the economy FAIL!
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    Get help *now* - you will do everyone a favour, yourself and your family. You have no reason to be ashamed - if you were aneamic you'd take iron pills to sort out your iron levels and ways to deal with the symptoms - this is the same, just with neurotransmitters. See what services your university has for you, make a friend force you to go through with it, go to the doctor.

    I'm doing a similar thing now, I'm jumping into counselling before my drunken wailing becomes a sober thing and my low self-esteem becomes too low to get help.

    You can do it - you've survived before, you can stop this taking hold of you.

    :console:
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    It might just be the transition to uni life, and the worry that you could mess things up, that are causing these feelings to come back. That would be understandable, you've turned things around, managed to get a job and to get into uni, so it could be the pressure to do well for yourself and because you want to live up to your families expectations that's actually causing these symptoms to come back.
    As suggested above, see what help your university can offer, they may have a university counsellor that you could visit. Although you've had bad counselling experiences in the past, some counsellors are better, so it's worth giving it a try.
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    (Original post by Perfect_Gent)
    No anon?
    Why would I need to be anon? I'm not bothered.
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    (Original post by SuicideCommando)
    I actually can't physically move in the morning -_-. That's the worst part - cos I just wish I'd go to sleep and never wake up and then when my wish doesn't come true and then I open my eyes and see it's horrible weather it makes me go into a hugeee mood.
    Expect motivational messages from me in your inbox.

    hehe!

    Hopefully tomorrow morning will show more sign of light and that your mornings aren't as awful as mine feel!!! :p: Well, only a few more months.......
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for the kind messages everyone. I'll see about getting help as soon as I can, and seeing my GP.
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    Good for you. :hugs:
 
 
 
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