The Student Room Group

Should I be invited to my boyfriends sisters wedding

Hi, so my boyfriend (of 9 months) has a sister who’s getting married this year (late December) and I haven’t received an invite or anything. My bf likes to dodge the question when I ask if I’m coming and responds with ‘idk’ when I found out she was getting married I was so exited and happy for her and thought I’d definitely be invited. I’m close with his family and have met them a couple times but not for long. We have a dinner in the summer together so I can properly meet them. I am only 16 though.
What do you think, should I be invited?
Maybe he doesn't know?
I'd expect that a partner of 9 months would be invited, with the unwritten agreement that if you split up, the invite is off.
So rather than a personal invite, you'd be his "plus one".
Original post by domonict
Maybe he doesn't know?
I'd expect that a partner of 9 months would be invited, with the unwritten agreement that if you split up, the invite is off.
So rather than a personal invite, you'd be his "plus one".


See I’d want an invite from his mom or sister as I don’t want to be somewhere where I’m not wanted
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, so my boyfriend (of 9 months) has a sister who’s getting married this year (late December) and I haven’t received an invite or anything. My bf likes to dodge the question when I ask if I’m coming and responds with ‘idk’ when I found out she was getting married I was so exited and happy for her and thought I’d definitely be invited. I’m close with his family and have met them a couple times but not for long. We have a dinner in the summer together so I can properly meet them. I am only 16 though.
What do you think, should I be invited?

Weddings are expensive, each person is an added cost, frankly she probably doesn’t know you that well.

It’s her wedding, don’t overthink it, you’re probably at a very different stage of life and she doesn’t feel obliged to invite you and doesn’t want to spend the extra money on excess seats.
I’d Maybe assume evening invite but now I see you are 16 so I’d assume no invite.
Whether or not anyone on here thinks you should be invited is entirely irrelevant. What matters is whether or not his sister decides that you should be invited, and that is a decision for her and her fiancé to make. It's not an easy decision, either. As has been said, each place is an additional cost. But if you're invited, they may feel that they should allow four or five others to bring partners who have been going out for similar periods or are in similar situations in their own mind. There could be a lot of other factors going into that decision as well. It's not as simple as saying that you're in because they like you or because you've been going out for a certain length of time.

For me two major factors here would be your age and the fact that you've met the family twice. Assuming your boyfriend is a similar age to you, this sounds like a school/college relationship. If you were in your 20s or 30s and had been going out for 9 months that may be different, but a 9 month relationship between teenagers isn't something that would mean a wedding invite for me, particularly when you've met the family twice. With the greatest of respect to a relationship that I'm sure you're very happy with, odds are your relationship isn't lasting long term at that age, whereas those wedding photos are something that are going to be looked back on for a very long time. Even if I knew them well and liked them, if I was in my 20s and getting married, I almost certainly wouldn't invite the teenage partner of my younger sibling when they'd been going out 9 months. If I did consider it I'd be making the decision more for my sibling than because I particularly liked their partner. I don't want to come across as harsh saying that. That's just the reality of the nature of the decisions you make when you plan a wedding. I invited a partner of my cousin to mine despite not really wanting to, but they were in their 20s and had been going out years, so she would have been quite rightly devastated if I hadn't invited him. The decision to invite him was more about her than him. But I'm afraid I highly doubt I'd feel the same way about a teenage sibling in a 9 month relationship.

This isn't intended as a slight on you. As I say, I'm sure you're very happy and it's great that you're excited about the wedding. But to your mind right now this decision is about you, whereas in practice it really, really isn't. The fact that you said you would expect an invite from her or her mother shows that you don't really appreciate how this works (again, not surprisingly, because you're 16). The only person deciding whether or not you get an invite will be your boyfriend's sister and her fiancé. And whatever the decision is, they will have good reasons for making it and it is a decision that you need to respect. Though I would, broadly, expect not to be invited though for the reasons I've mentioned.
In all honesty she may not even have thought about it.

Immediate family members don't often get a formal invite, (it's just assumed that they'll be there), so the brother may have no idea if he's allowed a+1 or not.

I couldn't think of anything worse than going to a wedding where I barely knew the family, but different strokes I suppose.
As a few have said, teenage girlfriends have a good chance of not getting directly invited, tbh if you've only met the family a handful of time, you maybe aren't as close as you think.

It's on your bf to check if he has a +1, and if he says he doesn't know, gently suggest he find out so you know if you need to care about that date at all.
also its about logistics

If i, at 49, am invited as an evening guest to boyfriends sisters wedding, it can be assumed i can make my own way there (assume boyfriend is there all day) and then i'd stay with boyfriend in hotel overnight.

None of which applies if you are 16. You'd need escorting there and back and then is it rude to invite you and not whoever is dropping and collecting, even assuming its very local to where you live.
Only expect an invite if you are friendly with the bride or her fiance and they have promised you one.
A lot of weddings try to keep the number of guests minimal to comply with the venue capacity restrictions and remain within their budget which often includes wedding catering suppliers & hired transport listing their fees based on estimated guest headcount.
The higher the number of guests, the greater the wedding and afterparty costs will be.

Many weddings or wedding receptions will be held in premises with an alcohol licence and serving booze.
Some do not permit the attendance of anyone under 18.
While others do, on the condition that they be properly supervised by a responsible adult.
As your boyfriend is in the immediate family, I would say yes you should totally be invited!
Original post by karenburton1305
As your boyfriend is in the immediate family, I would say yes you should totally be invited!

Boyfriends are generally not considered family let alone immediate family, This is kinda why people marry.

(oh wait I confused boyfriend for girlfriend there. I stand by that a young short term girlfriend might likely be left off the list, if the Bf wants a +1 it's on him to ask
(edited 1 year ago)
My boyfriend was telling me they’re expecting around 300 guests, and to know I’m not in that 300 kinda upsets me a bit.
Like other people have said, a lone child whose only connection is "short term girlfriend of brother" is unlikely to get invited to a wedding unless they are also an extremely close long term friend - the logistics are too complicated. It would be different if your whole family were friends with the other family and you'd be going with your parents.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend was telling me they’re expecting around 300 guests, and to know I’m not in that 300 kinda upsets me a bit.


Oh well, it’s not your wedding, ultimately in the eyes of the person getting married you are probably perceived as a child & an acquaintance of her teenage brother.

just write a card, say congrats & accept it.

Your not thinking this from the eyes of everyone else, you are 16 & not really a substantial part of the newlyweds life.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend was telling me they’re expecting around 300 guests, and to know I’m not in that 300 kinda upsets me a bit.


I understand you being upset at not being invited to a wedding that you would have liked to go to. But really, when you think about it, the decision not to invite you is entirely reasonable and not at all surprising. You have met them a couple of times and not for long. You've been going out with your boyfriend for 10 months now, which in the grand scheme of things is probably quite long for a teenage relationship but not that long at all in the adult world, and certainly not very long when you're deciding who not to invite to a wedding. As I said in my last post, as someone who has planned a wedding and attended many more, both as part of the wedding party and not, it's not at all surprising to me that you haven't been invited, even with 300 guests.
But the only thing which also gets me is that I’ve been told my boyfriend is allowed to invite a couple FRIENDS to the pre wedding party. But his mum talks about me everyday to him and she even says she sees me as a daughter.
Original post by Anonymous
But the only thing which also gets me is that I’ve been told my boyfriend is allowed to invite a couple FRIENDS to the pre wedding party. But his mum talks about me everyday to him and she even says she sees me as a daughter.


What have you said to your BF about it then? Last we heard he was dragging his heels about asking. Now it sounds as if he gets at least a +1.

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