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    I have just started uni again as a mature student mid 20's.

    Just under a year ago a guy I was seeing who I was not sexually active with yet had sex with me whilst I was fast asleep. I woke up to find him on top of me groaning. Coincidentally this guy is a second year in the uni I am attending now. Each time we have seen each other we have just ignored each other and it hurts each time. This has made me wary around guys

    I went out with 2 girls from my course today to a student club night. I had to disappear to talk to another girl. I returned and they were gone. I called and texted them but no reply. They finally picked up an hour later and said they had left together (without telling me or texting me). I was heading to get my coat when these guys who had been following me around for half the night grabbed me into a corner. They tried to kiss me and when I turned my head away they kissed and licked me all over. They had me in this grip. I left and went home in tears. I had a scalding shower and I am still crying now.

    Majority of my friends have moved abroad and the friends I have made all younger have all entered into relationships with others they have met in the past few weeks. I am a confused mess right now, university has proven to be tough and I am fast losing faith in it

    I need advice that can help as I have reached the end of my tether
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    I know how u feel.. I was attacked almost raped once, would have been had he not been scared off too, and it made me extremely wary around men, I was scared of going out alone. I also have been touched inappropriately in pubs/clubs, and groped on several occasions by this guy who was basically stalking me.. it was horrible. After each incident I too had hot shower, and sat down on the floor shaking and crying.

    However, I since have been in a loving relationship (nearly year and a half) and I have realised that not everyone is like this, there are good people out there who won't treat you this way, and although we are no longer together, I know now at least that these people exsist, and they will for you too.

    I'm sorry to hear about those girls ditching you, they don't sound like the sort of people u ought to pursue a friendship with anyway Do you get on with people in your halls? Or others on your course?

    I know you feel as though everyone has moved away, however university is a fresh start for most people, a lot of which are miles away from friends and family; why not use this oppurtunity to start again? Making new friends and trying out new things etc. University is always tough, some find it harder than others, but try to remember there are probably a lot of people who feel the same as u, and you can try to support each other.

    Also, I don't mean this in a harsh way, but it seems your confidence has been knocked a great deal, and if these things are happening to you perhaps you're portraying yourself as a 'victim' sort of thing? When you're out, try telling yourself some sort of mantra, telling yourself you are confident and are going to have a good time. When people look shy or vulnerable, it often makes them more susceptible to these situations.

    As for the guy, what he did was not only wrong but was sexual assault. Ignore him and avoid him, he's an idiot. Perhaps you should see a counsillor? This may help you deal with your problems.

    Good luck hun xxx
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    (Original post by oo_Lucinda_oo)
    I know how u feel.. I was attacked almost raped once, would have been had he not been scared off too, and it made me extremely wary around men, I was scared of going out alone. I also have been touched inappropriately in pubs/clubs, and groped on several occasions by this guy who was basically stalking me.. it was horrible. After each incident I too had hot shower, and sat down on the floor shaking and crying.

    However, I since have been in a loving relationship (nearly year and a half) and I have realised that not everyone is like this, there are good people out there who won't treat you this way, and although we are no longer together, I know now at least that these people exsist, and they will for you too.

    I'm sorry to hear about those girls ditching you, they don't sound like the sort of people u ought to pursue a friendship with anyway Do you get on with people in your halls? Or others on your course?

    I know you feel as though everyone has moved away, however university is a fresh start for most people, a lot of which are miles away from friends and family; why not use this oppurtunity to start again? Making new friends and trying out new things etc. University is always tough, some find it harder than others, but try to remember there are probably a lot of people who feel the same as u, and you can try to support each other.

    Also, I don't mean this in a harsh way, but it seems your confidence has been knocked a great deal, and if these things are happening to you perhaps you're portraying yourself as a 'victim' sort of thing? When you're out, try telling yourself some sort of mantra, telling yourself you are confident and are going to have a good time. When people look shy or vulnerable, it often makes them more susceptible to these situations.

    As for the guy, what he did was not only wrong but was sexual assault. Ignore him and avoid him, he's an idiot. Perhaps you should see a counsillor? This may help you deal with your problems.

    Good luck hun xxx
    Thanks for that

    I am not in halls as I live close to my uni. However I have thrown myself into societies. At the moment though they are not very busy and I know that joining more of them will be suicidal. At the moment they are very few and far between especially with social meets

    I am just not good with talking to people sporadically anymore and I feel that when people look at me they are judging me/talking about me... I feel like I am naked in front of them. I am also afraid to let guys too close in. I have had guys trying to start conversations but I shut them out and just ignore them

    My friends say I will have to open up at some point but I dont know how

    After tonight I have made a decision not to go out on nights outs as I shut everyone who tries to talk to me out

    However I have found something that relaxes me and gets me to open up. Baileys Irish Cream, as sad as it sounds it relaxes me

    I just felt disgusted when they touched and licked me. I wanted to hit them but since I was now alone with hundreds of drunken people around me I did not want to risk it

    What is the best way of getting counselling?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for that

    I am not in halls as I live close to my uni. However I have thrown myself into societies. At the moment though they are not very busy and I know that joining more of them will be suicidal. At the moment they are very few and far between especially with social meets

    I am just not good with talking to people sporadically anymore and I feel that when people look at me they are judging me/talking about me... I feel like I am naked in front of them. I am also afraid to let guys too close in. I have had guys trying to start conversations but I shut them out and just ignore them

    My friends say I will have to open up at some point but I dont know how

    After tonight I have made a decision not to go out on nights outs as I shut everyone who tries to talk to me out

    However I have found something that relaxes me and gets me to open up. Baileys Irish Cream, as sad as it sounds it relaxes me

    I just felt disgusted when they touched and licked me. I wanted to hit them but since I was now alone with hundreds of drunken people around me I did not want to risk it

    What is the best way of getting counselling?
    Not a prob.

    Well the fact you're joining societies is a very good start, it's a great way to meet people. To be honest, the first few months at uni are really about settling in and adjusting to life as a student; I wouldn't be worried that you haven't made friends, there are lots of people in your position. I'm aware societies aren't that regular, but once you meet people it's pretty easy to get their phone number, meet up and go out as you're all living in the same area. I wouldn't join any more than you have, you don't want to further stress yourself.

    I was similar to you; my first thoughts on any guy who approached me were, 'Argh what are his hidden intentions? He must be trying to attack me' etc, but I've come to realise I (like you) was just extremely unlucky; the majority of people in life aren't like this. Your friends are right, you will open up in time, for something like this unfortunately time is the biggest healer, so you may have to wait a while before you feel comfortable again, but it will happen; I know what you mean about the whole 'feel naked' thing, but it really does get better. Don't avoid going out, it's the best way to speed up the process, you need to get comfortable in the presence of strangers again.

    Guys in clubs are not representative at all of most people; they are normally drunk, horny and loud, people at your uni won't be like this. Try avoiding meeting guys when you're out and just concentrate on having fun with your friends. If guys approach you, let your friends know! The guys on your course or in your socities are the sort of ones you should probably try to strike up friendship with; i think you would feel more comfortable going out to a club or whatever if you had a group of girls And guys.

    As for the Baileys thing, if it makes you feel relaxed etc then have a few glasses before you go out! Often people need a drink for some Dutch courage. Obviously, drink sensibly, and don't become dependant on it.

    I can see what you mean, however if anything like this happens again (though the probability of it happening to you again are much much lower than for anyone else), don't be afraid to call out for help; there will always be people willing to intervene. As hard as it is, you need to try to put the incident behind you, counselling will help with this; they were horrible, degrading knobheads, and you should not let them affect you.

    As for counselling, I don't know which university you're at but the majority of them (if not all) have staff employed who are counsillors/therapists, and often a no-fee arrangement can be made. However, failing this, there are plenty of websites that let you know of counsillors in your area, fees I think vary between £10-£80 an hour, depending on each institution.

    You can try this website http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/

    Hope it all goes well for you, good luck with everything xxxxx
 
 
 
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