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Writing to my biological half-brother - advice? watch

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    Hi everyone,

    I'm currently 18. I was adopted at 6 months old, and so never knew any of my biological relatives. This hasn't bothered me in a big way, but obviously it has always been at the back of my mind, and I've always been slightly curious as to what my actual relatives are like. I plan to contact social services some day in the near future and have them advise me on the best way to arrange a meet with my birth-mother (who I know is fairly keen to see me).

    I also have a half-brother, who I quite want to contact. I've been informed that he's about 2 years younger than me, which would make him 17 now (I'm almost 19). However, unlike the reassurance I have from my birth-mother, I have no idea about whether or not he'd like to talk to me. I know that his adoptive parents are willing to pass on any letters I write to him, but I also seem to remember my mum (adoptive) telling me a few years ago that he is/was apparently quite sensitive about his adoption. Aside from that, I have no knowledge about his stance on the matter. I have a suspicion that girls tend to be a bit more curious and emotional about this kind of thing - although, not being male, I could obviously be wrong about this.

    So I guess I want to ask the guys: if you were adopted and had a half-sister you'd never met, how interested do you think you would be in contacting her? If she wrote to you, do you think you'd write back? Would you want to meet up with her, eventually? Obviously this is only speculative (unless any guys on here actually are adopted), but I know that my boyfriend actually has a few half-siblings he's not so enthusiastic about. Admittedly, though, he has met them once or twice, so the curiosity may just have been abated earlier on.

    Ultimately, I will attempt to contact him one day, as I can't imagine just not ever trying to. But do you think now is an okay time, or should I wait a few years for him to get a bit older?

    Thanks for reading.

    I've had a thought: if anyone on here knows of any adopted guys around the age I specified, could they please PM me his first name? My half-brother has a fairly uncommon first name (so no Jameses, Toms, etc - thanks), and I'm sure that the name + adopted status would equal almost certain blood-related-ness. Thankyou
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    No time like the present. And no harm in writing him a letter - he doesn't have to reply if he doesn't want to.
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    I'd say go for it. You can always try again in a few years if he isn't interested now but you still want to contact him.
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    I think you should go for it. To be honest, how he is at 17 is going to be hugely different from how he reacted to his adoption when a child.
    Also, I think that it's important to realise that people can't ignore things which are right there. He may not actively want to meet you right now, but on your putting yourself forward and his receiving a letter from you his curiosity will naturally increase and he'll find it hard to just brush you aside again.

    I'm speaking as someone who knows they have several half-siblings. I personally would not and do not currently want to contact them. However if I were to receive correspondence from them I'm sure I couldn't just ignore that.

    Knowing you're adopted can make people feel rejected by their birth parents. However, if you write to him you show him that you want to know him. He might not want to contact you because of fear of a second rejection. But if you contact him then he can be reassured that you want to know him, that you want to talk to him, and he doesn't feel at risk that way.



    It's clearly on your mind and means a lot to you so I would say go for it

    Good luck!
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    Go out for a drink together when he's old enough?
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    I have a half-sister I've never met and would love to. I really think you should write the letter, you'll regret it if you don't. You are lucky that you have the support of the people involved to help you. I have to trace mine before I can write to her, and even then I should wait because she's pretty young, but I want her at my wedding (I'm otherwise an only child).

    So yeah I know exactly what you mean and really think you should go for it.
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    i think you should go for it OP, what do you have to lose? if he doesn't want to meet you or know you, he doesn't have to. he can ignore the letter or just reply saying he isn't interested. and if he does want to meet you and get to know you then you have gained yourself a brother

    you would always regret it if you didn't do it, even if you only wait a couple more years or something and then do it, you would still spend those two years thinking 'well i could have a brother here right now' you know?

    good luck
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    i have a half brother who i havent seen since he was 2, so i dont have much memory of him. hes 16 now and i feel like i should contact him too cos i want to know him like i know my other siblings. however im unsure he even knows about me so thats my only hesitation. but if i were you id go for it
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    I totally agree with the above posts, you should go for it and see what happens. You guys could become really close and stuff
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    Definately go for it. I would love ntohing mroe than to know my half-sisters, unfortunately they don't want to correspond, for very particular reasons which don't apply in your case. I wish you the best of luck- I know if I were him I would really appreciate it!
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    (Original post by soupfly90)
    Hi everyone,

    I'm currently 18. I was adopted at 6 months old, and so never knew any of my biological relatives. This hasn't bothered me in a big way, but obviously it has always been at the back of my mind, and I've always been slightly curious as to what my actual relatives are like. I plan to contact social services some day in the near future and have them advise me on the best way to arrange a meet with my birth-mother (who I know is fairly keen to see me).

    I also have a half-brother, who I quite want to contact. I've been informed that he's about 2 years younger than me, which would make him 17 now (I'm almost 19). However, unlike the reassurance I have from my birth-mother, I have no idea about whether or not he'd like to talk to me. I know that his adoptive parents are willing to pass on any letters I write to him, but I also seem to remember my mum (adoptive) telling me a few years ago that he is/was apparently quite sensitive about his adoption. Aside from that, I have no knowledge about his stance on the matter. I have a suspicion that girls tend to be a bit more curious and emotional about this kind of thing - although, not being male, I could obviously be wrong about this.

    So I guess I want to ask the guys: if you were adopted and had a half-sister you'd never met, how interested do you think you would be in contacting her? If she wrote to you, do you think you'd write back? Would you want to meet up with her, eventually? Obviously this is only speculative (unless any guys on here actually are adopted), but I know that my boyfriend actually has a few half-siblings he's not so enthusiastic about. Admittedly, though, he has met them once or twice, so the curiosity may just have been abated earlier on.

    Ultimately, I will attempt to contact him one day, as I can't imagine just not ever trying to. But do you think now is an okay time, or should I wait a few years for him to get a bit older?

    Thanks for reading.

    I've had a thought: if anyone on here knows of any adopted guys around the age I specified, could they please PM me his first name? My half-brother has a fairly uncommon first name (so no Jameses, Toms, etc - thanks), and I'm sure that the name + adopted status would equal almost certain blood-related-ness. Thankyou
    Hi, just a word of caution. If you do make contact, ensure that when you do meet that you have a 'retreat' plan yourself, you may wish to establish contact out of curiousity but then also withdraw when you actually meet him, by this I mean be careful about what info you divulge about yourself, you may not wish to continue contact. Speaking from experience !
    Best Wishes, Ted
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    Thanks for the responses everyone! The general consensus seems to be that I should go for it, which is nice because I guess it's what I was hoping everyone would say. Plus, making this thread has somehow increased my curiosity tenfold, so I'll definitely get letter-writing soon
    And thanks for the words of caution, Teddyboy - I'll definitely keep them in mind.
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    (Original post by soupfly90)
    if anyone on here knows of any adopted guys around the age I specified,
    Good luck with this, I would personally definitely like to hear about a relative I hadn't met.

    If you do find him via here, well, that'd be amazing! Keep us updated!
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    (Original post by soupfly90)
    Thanks for the responses everyone! The general consensus seems to be that I should go for it, which is nice because I guess it's what I was hoping everyone would say. Plus, making this thread has somehow increased my curiosity tenfold, so I'll definitely get letter-writing soon
    And thanks for the words of caution, Teddyboy - I'll definitely keep them in mind.
    you are very welcome soup, good luck, I'm sure you will get on fine you sound sound !
 
 
 
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