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Is this rape? Or taken advantage of?

This takes place sep, 2020, two weeks after I turned 15 years old. Me and my two friends decided we wanted to drink at an elementary school at night. This guy called me asking if him and my ex could come I said it was fine. Before they showed up me and my two friends passed the bottle (vodka) there was half left I finished the bottle. Then the guys showed up and (back up) before they came me and one of the friends decided to run through the sprinklers and I was wearing leggings and didn’t want them to stick to me so I took them off. (Fast forward) when the guys got there I put my sweatshirt back on it was extra large so no one could see my underwear while I waited to dry off to put my leggings back on. We decided to go on the roof of the school portable (me and my 1 friend and both guys). Then the guy this happened with 15 also at the time showed up sober with only a can of beer. We were all playing on the roof when I got dizzy and felt like I was going to fall off. He said he’d help me down. So he did. Then when we were down he hid underneath the roof part so no one could see him and he kept trying to pull me in and drunk me likes to joke with people so when he reached out his hand I gave him a high-five not understanding what he meant. Then he grabbed me and kissed me. Part after that was blurry I remembered him saying “do you want to go somewhere else?” And I remembered walking away with him. To wake up the next day with a really bad hangover and forgot what happened the night before then my 1 friend told me what happened. Me and the guy never talked after that till a month after I found out I was pregnant. That’s when he tried to block me. A year After the pregnancy I heard that throughout the years he had raped 4+ girls and half were intoxicated at party’s. My guy friend sat near him on the bus and heard from the guy this happens with that he would *** inside girls telling them he was infertile when he wasn’t just because it felt good. He keeps flaming he was drunk but him and his friend (my ex) rode their bikes there and back. He said “it’s not rape because we were both drunk” and “it was a bad idea at the time I’m sorry for everything that happened” then I continue to hear about every girls stories who have been either SA’D by him or raped. What is my story I recently have talked to a therapist and she says she can’t decided that for me. I thought it was taken advantage of because he’d asked me so many times before to sneak out but I never wanted to and made excuses. And I used to be okay with sex but now I can’t even be close enough to a car for him to put his arm around me or just being in a car alone with a guy my mind goes straight to that night and when I see the guy from that night I can’t look him in the face I get so much anxiety being around him and I don’t know why it’s just always felt that way since that night. Please help me tell me your opinion because one of the other girls is pressing charges against him and she wants me to tell my story..
I'm sorry that happened, that is rape. You cannot consent while drunk, so it was non-consensual and therefore rape. I hope you get the support you need, and also don't feel pressured to share your story if you don't want to.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
This takes place sep, 2020, two weeks after I turned 15 years old. Me and my two friends decided we wanted to drink at an elementary school at night. This guy called me asking if him and my ex could come I said it was fine. Before they showed up me and my two friends passed the bottle (vodka) there was half left I finished the bottle. Then the guys showed up and (back up) before they came me and one of the friends decided to run through the sprinklers and I was wearing leggings and didn’t want them to stick to me so I took them off. (Fast forward) when the guys got there I put my sweatshirt back on it was extra large so no one could see my underwear while I waited to dry off to put my leggings back on. We decided to go on the roof of the school portable (me and my 1 friend and both guys). Then the guy this happened with 15 also at the time showed up sober with only a can of beer. We were all playing on the roof when I got dizzy and felt like I was going to fall off. He said he’d help me down. So he did. Then when we were down he hid underneath the roof part so no one could see him and he kept trying to pull me in and drunk me likes to joke with people so when he reached out his hand I gave him a high-five not understanding what he meant. Then he grabbed me and kissed me. Part after that was blurry I remembered him saying “do you want to go somewhere else?” And I remembered walking away with him. To wake up the next day with a really bad hangover and forgot what happened the night before then my 1 friend told me what happened. Me and the guy never talked after that till a month after I found out I was pregnant. That’s when he tried to block me. A year After the pregnancy I heard that throughout the years he had raped 4+ girls and half were intoxicated at party’s. My guy friend sat near him on the bus and heard from the guy this happens with that he would *** inside girls telling them he was infertile when he wasn’t just because it felt good. He keeps flaming he was drunk but him and his friend (my ex) rode their bikes there and back. He said “it’s not rape because we were both drunk” and “it was a bad idea at the time I’m sorry for everything that happened” then I continue to hear about every girls stories who have been either SA’D by him or raped. What is my story I recently have talked to a therapist and she says she can’t decided that for me. I thought it was taken advantage of because he’d asked me so many times before to sneak out but I never wanted to and made excuses. And I used to be okay with sex but now I can’t even be close enough to a car for him to put his arm around me or just being in a car alone with a guy my mind goes straight to that night and when I see the guy from that night I can’t look him in the face I get so much anxiety being around him and I don’t know why it’s just always felt that way since that night. Please help me tell me your opinion because one of the other girls is pressing charges against him and she wants me to tell my story..


Gotta think whether you wanna put your kid through that.
I'd say it was rape if he was sober and couldn't reasonably establish consent with you considering you were blackout drunk. The more women that tell the same story, the better, as it will establish a pattern of behaviour.

If he does get charged, I believe they will put reasonable safeguards in place, like not forcing you to be in the same room as him.

I hope you don't feel ashamed of what happened. It takes a great deal of strength to tell your story when something traumatic like that happens. I have no idea why his friends haven't ostracised him.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm sorry that happened, that is rape. You cannot consent while drunk, so it was non-consensual and therefore rape. I hope you get the support you need, and also don't feel pressured to share your story if you don't want to.


Not trying to stir the pot, but when is drunken sex considered not rape? Plenty of people meet at a bar, get drunk and sleep over, but that isn’t considered rape by either party the majority of the time.
Original post by Anonymous
Not trying to stir the pot, but when is drunken sex considered not rape? Plenty of people meet at a bar, get drunk and sleep over, but that isn’t considered rape by either party the majority of the time.

My understanding is that he's sober so he has to reasonably establish consent.
Yes, it's rape, for 2 reasons. First, you were under the age of consent, and even though he was also 15 it's a criminal offence because it's an act that would be an offence if he was an adult. Second, being drunk means there was no reasonable belief that you could consent to sex.
Original post by Mentalhealth*12
My understanding is that he's sober so he has to reasonably establish consent.


That makes sense, but how would that be proven? He himself claimed he was drunk.

In this case as there are multiple victims it is clear is a disgrace and guilty, but if OP was the only victim, how could rape be proven if he just claims he was also intoxicated?
No
Original post by Anonymous
That makes sense, but how would that be proven? He himself claimed he was drunk.

In this case as there are multiple victims it is clear is a disgrace and guilty, but if OP was the only victim, how could rape be proven if he just claims he was also intoxicated?

The OP was underage and was drunk, so cannot consent. The act of rape is from start to finish, so the defendent history show he knew there was consent throughout.
Original post by Anonymous
No

Why do you think that?
If both parties are drunk, then neither party can consent. Nothing will come of a singular case like that where both parties are drunk.
This clearly wasn't in the UK, there's no point in asking out-of-jurisdiction questions. A legal standard in one country is not the same as another.
Original post by Anonymous #3
Not trying to stir the pot, but when is drunken sex considered not rape? Plenty of people meet at a bar, get drunk and sleep over, but that isn’t considered rape by either party the majority of the time.

IG because if both people are completely drunk then it's more mutual, however OP mentioned the offender wasn't really that drunk and had done this to many other girls, so in this case it deffo goes further than that. Plus OP said they basically got blackout drunk and even if a bit tipsy the other would've realised and not continued seeing as OP was really OUT of it.