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How can I help my friend?

My friend's mom died from cancer a few months ago. His dad came to me today and asked if I could maybe talk some sense into him. Whilst no one expected him to take it well, he has suddenly gone into a black hole, becoming angrier and angrier, to the point where he is starting to do things that are illegal like stealing and more. I do feel for him and have listened to his anger as no one else in my friendship group will. He says that we couldn't possibly understand how he feels and he is probably right, we couldn't. I do want to help to him but I don't know how I could talk some sense into him.
Reply 1
The most important thing is to let him know that you are always there for him to speak to. If you both have any hobbies/common interests, invite him to do those instead of channeling his anger into something illegal or risky. Have you suggested he seek support from someone? If you do, mention that it's okay for him to feel devastated and angry at the world right now, but that things will get easier. Checking up on him often without being too pushy is important. If you smother him, he may become more distant and more stressed out. While you may not be able to understand exactly how he feels, you can still be there for him and let him know that you care. Spending time with him and providing distraction can also be helpful.

It is also important that his dad doesn't get angry at him. Grief can always send people down a very dark path, even into crime. Your friend may be doing this for a number of reasons, but seeking an adrenaline rush could very well be one of them. It may be a distraction for him.

To understand a little bit more about what your friend may be feeling, here is a helpful website I think you should read: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/dying-with-cancer/after-someone-dies/coping-with-grief

Here is a link on how to support a grieving friend: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/supporting-a-grieving-family-member-or-friend

I hope this can be of some help. Please get in touch or reply back on here if you ever need any further advice, or even support for yourself. It can be very difficult seeing someone else deal with grief, so make sure you look after yourself too.
Original post by Meduse
The most important thing is to let him know that you are always there for him to speak to. If you both have any hobbies/common interests, invite him to do those instead of channeling his anger into something illegal or risky. Have you suggested he seek support from someone? If you do, mention that it's okay for him to feel devastated and angry at the world right now, but that things will get easier. Checking up on him often without being too pushy is important. If you smother him, he may become more distant and more stressed out. While you may not be able to understand exactly how he feels, you can still be there for him and let him know that you care. Spending time with him and providing distraction can also be helpful.

It is also important that his dad doesn't get angry at him. Grief can always send people down a very dark path, even into crime. Your friend may be doing this for a number of reasons, but seeking an adrenaline rush could very well be one of them. It may be a distraction for him.

To understand a little bit more about what your friend may be feeling, here is a helpful website I think you should read: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/dying-with-cancer/after-someone-dies/coping-with-grief

Here is a link on how to support a grieving friend: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/supporting-a-grieving-family-member-or-friend

I hope this can be of some help. Please get in touch or reply back on here if you ever need any further advice, or even support for yourself. It can be very difficult seeing someone else deal with grief, so make sure you look after yourself too.

Thank you I don't need support though. IMO though I think he needs to talk to someone who has gone through the same thing. But I don't know anyone who has.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you I don't need support though. IMO though I think he needs to talk to someone who has gone through the same thing. But I don't know anyone who has.

You could recommend that he try a support group? There should be some running in your local area by certain cancer trusts.

Maybe you could get in touch with Cancer Research/Macmillan?
Original post by Anonymous
My friend's mom died from cancer a few months ago. His dad came to me today and asked if I could maybe talk some sense into him. Whilst no one expected him to take it well, he has suddenly gone into a black hole, becoming angrier and angrier, to the point where he is starting to do things that are illegal like stealing and more. I do feel for him and have listened to his anger as no one else in my friendship group will. He says that we couldn't possibly understand how he feels and he is probably right, we couldn't. I do want to help to him but I don't know how I could talk some sense into him.


oh, that's sad
right, we cannot understand his situation

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