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How to make people more likely to talk to you at uni?

I'm about to start my 3rd year at uni but I still haven't really made any friends there. In fact, not counting family members, I literally haven't spoken to anyone sicne we finished our last semester in early April. I want to at least see if I could make a friend in my last year but since I wouldn't even know where to start doing it on my end, I've been wondering if there's anything I can do to make people more likely to talk to me? I'm not part of any societies or do anything outside my apart from going to lectures and working on projects, so that's pretty much my only opportunity to have someone want to talk to me. So what can I do to make it more likely?

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Original post by Anonymous
...I've been wondering if there's anything I can do to make people more likely to talk to me?

You talk to them.
Reply 2
Find activities to do, inside and outside of uni; volunteering, sport, social, hobbies, church.

Why haven't you done this before now?
Original post by DataVenia
You talk to them.

Again, don't know where to start with that, so was hoping to find some ways to make others start the conversation first.
Original post by Surnia
Find activities to do, inside and outside of uni; volunteering, sport, social, hobbies, church.

Why haven't you done this before now?


There's no such activities that really seem interesting to me, and the fact there's other people there also makes me less eager to join. I do go to church once in a while, but again I don't talk to anyone there.
Original post by Anonymous
Again, don't know where to start with that, so was hoping to find some ways to make others start the conversation first.


There's no such activities that really seem interesting to me, and the fact there's other people there also makes me less eager to join. I do go to church once in a while, but again I don't talk to anyone there.

Even if you don’t like any of the activities, you could still go, even for a few weeks just so that you can meet some new people and from there people will recognise you and start talking to you.

With the conversations, you just have to put yourself outside your comfort zone and do it. It can’t go that wrong anyway, else you will still not have any friends if you don’t do this
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
There's no such activities that really seem interesting to me, and the fact there's other people there also makes me less eager to join.

But that's the whole point, if you want to meet people for conversation! How will you manage at a workplace?
Make eye contact, smile, do small talk, be helpful, join in. These things signal to other people that you are approachable.
Original post by cheadle
Make eye contact, smile, do small talk, be helpful, join in. These things signal to other people that you are approachable.

How do I do those things in a non-creepy way though, as I've never really tried them before? And for small talk, what exactly should I say? And again, how can I make them engage in the small talk first?
Small talk is stuff like "How're you doing?" "How's it going?". If you get asked , you just say "I'm good, How're you?"
It's like a script - no one is really wanting to know the answers to the questions, it's a kind of social glue.
Watch other people doing it, and learn.
In terms of eye contact and smiles, just keep it brief.
Avoiding eye contact is a definite way of telling people to leave you alone, so just catching someone's eye with a brief smile and a "hi" is enough to say you're open to a chat.
If I walked into a room of people, I'd probably do a quick glance round, a quick "hi" to everyone, and leave it at that.
Not everyone is a rampant extrovert. Extroverts are great though at creating space for quieter people to just be themselves because they hog the limelight, so make use of them.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
And for small talk, what exactly should I say?

See a list of the best (and worst) topic for small talk here.

A good way to start a conversation is ask for information. If you're talking to someone on your course, you could ask "Do you known when assignment X is due?" (or whatever). It doesn't matter whether you already know the answer the answer or not - you're just trying to start a conversation. Regardless of their answer, you can follow up with some comment about the assignment itself (how easy/hard/interesting/boring it was), just to try to keep the conversation going. If your comment doesn't elicit a response, follow-up with a question: "Do you agree?" It'll feel forced at first, but hopefully it'll soon turn into a "real" conversation. If it doesn't, don't worry. Try talking to someone else (about a different topic, perhaps).
Another thing you can do is be a good listener and show genuine interest in other people. That takes the attention off you but it is also a positive social quality to be interested in other people.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm about to start my 3rd year at uni but I still haven't really made any friends there. In fact, not counting family members, I literally haven't spoken to anyone sicne we finished our last semester in early April. I want to at least see if I could make a friend in my last year but since I wouldn't even know where to start doing it on my end, I've been wondering if there's anything I can do to make people more likely to talk to me? I'm not part of any societies or do anything outside my apart from going to lectures and working on projects, so that's pretty much my only opportunity to have someone want to talk to me. So what can I do to make it more likely?

Hi,

It can really really tricky to make friends and engage with new people at uni cause there isn’t the same structure as school where you’re forced to sit next to the same people every day. It’s been particularly tricky in the last two years with lockdown limiting opportunities for socialising, we all deserve some sort of prize for making it through uni during the pandemic!

I know if can be really daunting, but actually from my experience, societies really are the best way to talk to new people and make friends. They create space for like minded people with similar interests to come together and, if you can get over the initial challenge of going to a meeting, they can be really great. Something good about societies is that a lot of them revolve around a specific activity like playing a sport or playing music. This can really help take away some of the pressure of meeting new people, as you have a specific purpose for being there that isn’t just talking. It also means other people are more likely to initiate conversation with you as you have a shared interest to discuss.

The beginning of the new academic year is a really good opportunity to meet new people as there will be lots of new students around but also people like yourself who are looking to have a fresh start and edge out of there comfort zones. You will likely also get the chance to mix with new people on your new modules.

I hope this has helped or provided a bit of reassurance. I’m going into 3rd year too and some of my closest friends I hadn’t met before this year, it’s never too late :smile:

Yasmin (Lancaster University student ambassador)
Original post by Anonymous
I'm about to start my 3rd year at uni but I still haven't really made any friends there. In fact, not counting family members, I literally haven't spoken to anyone sicne we finished our last semester in early April. I want to at least see if I could make a friend in my last year but since I wouldn't even know where to start doing it on my end, I've been wondering if there's anything I can do to make people more likely to talk to me? I'm not part of any societies or do anything outside my apart from going to lectures and working on projects, so that's pretty much my only opportunity to have someone want to talk to me. So what can I do to make it more likely?


Hi by any chance are you autistic as some of the things you've said relate to me (I'm autistic) you can have these traits and not be but I was just wondering as if you are then I have different advice than if not
Original post by Jess_Lomas
Hi by any chance are you autistic as some of the things you've said relate to me (I'm autistic) you can have these traits and not be but I was just wondering as if you are then I have different advice than if not

No I'm not, I just don't know how to talk to people.
My ex boyfriend used to know literally everyone it was crazy.

I noticed he had very open body language like extremely welcoming & a positive outlook. I'm super shy but whenever I want people to talk to me I open my body language completely like him. Seems to work most of the time.

Either that or talk first to them first.
Original post by AnnaBloveme
My ex boyfriend used to know literally everyone it was crazy.

I noticed he had very open body language like extremely welcoming & a positive outlook. I'm super shy but whenever I want people to talk to me I open my body language completely like him. Seems to work most of the time.

Either that or talk first to them first.


Also mentally you have to focus your attention on them. This stops you getting inside your own head and overthinking.

Pretend like it's your job to make them feel comfortable & relaxed. Like a counsellor lol.

people remember how you make them feel not what you say to them
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by AnnaBloveme
My ex boyfriend used to know literally everyone it was crazy.

I noticed he had very open body language like extremely welcoming & a positive outlook. I'm super shy but whenever I want people to talk to me I open my body language completely like him. Seems to work most of the time.

Either that or talk first to them first.


What does having "open body language" actually entail though?
Original post by Anonymous
What does having "open body language" actually entail though?


You can research it further but
- stand very tall & straight
- open relaxed shoulders
- feet apart
- palms open
- no crossed arms, looking at the floor etc.
Make yourself as "big" as possible basically you will feel silly but psychological it's a good way to seem approachable & non threatening
(edited 1 year ago)
For me I think the easiest way to start chatting with someone is to compliment their hair/clothing! dont be a creep about it obviously but if someones wearing a cool jacket or something and you give them a compliment it'll definitely make their day and make a good first impression! I think also joining societies will definitely be a big help, I know setting aside the time can be annoying but you'd have something in common with everyone there which is also a good way to start small talk
Original post by sumirerin
For me I think the easiest way to start chatting with someone is to compliment their hair/clothing! dont be a creep about it obviously but if someones wearing a cool jacket or something and you give them a compliment it'll definitely make their day and make a good first impression! I think also joining societies will definitely be a big help, I know setting aside the time can be annoying but you'd have something in common with everyone there which is also a good way to start small talk

So how exactly do I do it without being a creep then?
Also again, I'm just not looking to be the one to start the conversation if I can avoid it.

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