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Girlfriend doesnt like me watching porn (or ******* at all for that matter) watch

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    watch some porn together!
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    (Original post by noggins)
    ask her kindly to stroke you while you both watch the pornos, then everyobody is happy
    LMFAAAOOOOOOO :laughing:

    Naaa she still wudnt b happy wiv him seein d prn innit
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Alright, as a chick I will say that I probably watch as much porn as the next guy, so lets avoid the cliche of 'omg, wai grrlz hatez teh pr0n?' Some guys are just as disgusted by the notion of a girl pokin' the lovebox while watching porn as some girls are (especially if we bring in those guys who hold true to the 'virgin-whore' dichotomy).

    As for this girl, she sounds insecure, especially if you are her first. I highly agree with the idea that you should tell her that when you do ****, it is her that you're thinking of, not the women in the video. Hell, make it a bit of a dirty talk. I know nothing turns me on more than my guy having dirty thoughts about me (in fact, I demand to know the full details.)

    Or, if you want something comparable, tell her it's no different than reading a trashy romance movie or enjoying a romantic comedy or whatever chick-flick-***** some girls enjoy these days. Does she want to **** George Clooney or does she simply like the premise and imagines you to be the romantic love interest? Does she want a brooding noble-man to rip her bodice or does she want you to do it? Etc.
    I want to rep you so bad.... (which isn't a euphemism....)
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Ok guys lets stop the (partially) irrelevant arguing.

    This is an issue that I really want some sincere advice for, of which I have recieved alot in this thread so far that I am grateful for.

    Something that will probably help you, and some of you have guessed it:

    Yes, she is insecure. In the past i have MADE her insecure, i won't go into why. And me watching porn is just worsening the issue.

    But I am not being controlled in such a way that I am going to stop.

    It seems to be that half of you think she should take a reality check, and half see where she's coming from.

    I have previously told her that it just makes it 'easier to come' when i need a release and she's not there. I don't think this made much ground.

    I know she is probably immature (tbh so am i..) and its her first relationship but I cannot be so harsh as to say this. We have been going out nearly a year and I am completely in love with her, neither of us have had 10% of a relationship that this has become. Its loving, we suit eachother, we are on exactly the same wavelength. I am not being too blunt with her and she will get upset and it will be up to me to apologise to maintain the relationship.

    We had a falling out about it a few days ago where I stood my ground. We were then not talking and I left the house.

    However since then we have not brought the issue up again and have been getting on really well, maybe she is beginning to realise its unfair?

    I mean partially off topic, she raised it again recently because i was unable to ***. This was after i deliberately masturbated before seeing her so that I would last longer for her, but obviously misjudged it. Maybe I need to understand my body and capabilities a bit more, so that I can masturbate but still be at optimum performance for her?

    No offence but please less completely one sided and dramaatic advice such as that from kklol.

    I want to make her feel less insecure at ease about the situation but I do not want to stop because of it.
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    (Original post by jinglepupskye)
    Would you be so blase about it if your boyfriend didn't come when you had sex because he had been knocking one off earlier?

    Instead of thinking, 'what a horrible, needy, unfeeling cow she must be', put yourself in her place for a second and see how you would feel in the same situation.

    It's more to do with the efffect on their sex life that is making her concerned, as it seems that he would rather play with himself then do anything with her.
    Don't put words in my mouth. Since you quoted me its pretty stupid to allude that I said she was a "horrible, needy unfeeling cow". I said I wouldn't have a problem with it.

    If the above situation was the case then I would talk to my boyfriend and ask what we could do as a couple to make our sex life better.
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    (Original post by kklol)
    he's. a. bloke. :rolleyes:

    some of you lasses really need to stop waiting for prince charming and step into the real world. who was it who said women aren't as rational as men?

    they had a point. thinking with the heart and not with the penis
    Fixed.

    I can definitely see her point about the porn, mainly because I feel similarly. I can understand the urge for masturbation, but I don't see and have never seen why porn is in any way "necessary". My boyfriend doesn't watch porn (though I know you'll all say he's lying), he just thinks of me. I would never tell him not to masturbate, though ... in fact, sometimes if I'm not in the mood but he is he will do it in front of me. (Too much information?)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok guys lets stop the (partially) irrelevant arguing.

    This is an issue that I really want some sincere advice for, of which I have recieved alot in this thread so far that I am grateful for.

    Something that will probably help you, and some of you have guessed it:

    Yes, she is insecure. In the past i have MADE her insecure, i won't go into why. And me watching porn is just worsening the issue.

    But I am not being controlled in such a way that I am going to stop.

    It seems to be that half of you think she should take a reality check, and half see where she's coming from.

    I have previously told her that it just makes it 'easier to come' when i need a release and she's not there. I don't think this made much ground.

    I know she is probably immature (tbh so am i..) and its her first relationship but I cannot be so harsh as to say this. We have been going out nearly a year and I am completely in love with her, neither of us have had 10% of a relationship that this has become. Its loving, we suit eachother, we are on exactly the same wavelength. I am not being too blunt with her and she will get upset and it will be up to me to apologise to maintain the relationship.

    We had a falling out about it a few days ago where I stood my ground. We were then not talking and I left the house.

    However since then we have not brought the issue up again and have been getting on really well, maybe she is beginning to realise its unfair?

    I mean partially off topic, she raised it again recently because i was unable to ***. This was after i deliberately masturbated before seeing her so that I would last longer for her, but obviously misjudged it. Maybe I need to understand my body and capabilities a bit more, so that I can masturbate but still be at optimum performance for her?

    No offence but please less completely one sided and dramaatic advice such as that from kklol.

    I want to make her feel less insecure at ease about the situation but I do not want to stop because of it.
    I would like to add that you seem like a really decent guy who cares about his girlfriend's feelings (minus whatever you did to make her insecure).
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    (Original post by kklol)
    i'd never order my gf to stop putting on make up,having periods, whinging and crying during the titanic

    because all of the above are essential parts of being a bird

    so, fair is fair. dont stop your men from knocking a few out and watching hot ass chicks take it up the cornhole online. fair is fair and a man has to do what a man has got to dol
    you are sheer genius.
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    (Original post by Sarky)
    Don't put words in my mouth. Since you quoted me its pretty stupid to allude that I said she was a "horrible, needy unfeeling cow". I said I wouldn't have a problem with it.

    If the above situation was the case then I would talk to my boyfriend and ask what we could do as a couple to make our sex life better.
    Thef first part of my post was in answer to your post the second paragraph was a general response to some of the comments expressed on here.

    And for the record the girl does seem to be trying to talk to her boyfriend about what he is missing in his sex life with her that makes him spend half his life watching porn and knocking them out.

    I've said before and I will repeat it, if he can't understand where his girlfriend is coming from, then maybe he needs to draw a line under the relationship as it seems he is still not ready for the give and take that an adult relationship actually involves.

    Some of the girl's comments on here have actually left me wondering what happened to female equality. Is the girl really supposed to just sit and watch him playing with himself all the time and then be grateful for the scraps of sex that he throws in her direction? Should he drag her round by the hair as well?
    • #4
    #4

    My girlfriend used to be insecure, although for very different reasons (which weren't anything to do with me, so take that into account when considering this advice), and the only way we made any progress was through her complete trust in me. I hadn't broken her trust, but insecurity does things to trust, especially when you say (and mean) exactly what you would say if you were lying ("I don't think you're fat", for example). Once she trusts you, assuming you are both mature enough to talk sensibly about your problems without getting over-emotional (easier said than done), you will be able to see if a compromise is possible. Then decide if both of you can accept it or not. This worked for us, it may or may not be any use to you.

    Remember nobody posting here, myself included, knows what's going on here in full. That means nobody can say for definite that they have the right course of action for you. They might be well meaning (I know I am), but none of us will be able to pick up the pieces if our advice turns out to be crap. Be careful who you listen to, take it with a pinch of salt and try to do the right thing.

    Good luck.
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    jinglepupskye You are becoming quite the troll...on this thread at least and I think everyone is just avoiding you because...again the rule... if u feed a troll.. yeah.. but haven't you learnt anything from my circular logic post? Your arguments make no sense and believe me I would expect nothing less from Teesside university but please stop saying it with such bitterness. You have such hatred towards men its baffaling. You are acting very immature and are unable to let it go for a while now...please...its over, build a bridge and get over it. If you are unable to build a bridge due to your mental instability please seek the aid of a structural engineer...or rather a psychiatrist because he might be the only one that can help you. Secondly the persons who throw the immature argument first on the table are usually the immature ones. I mean seriously...who uses age and maturity insults in an attempt to " be mature ". Circular logic at it's finest.

    P.S - Subject closed, I mean it, I don't want you trolling any more, if you wanna give your opinion, be polite about it and stop being so bitter and no more insults, this argument between us ends here because you're not in grade 7 so I expect you to act like you aren't. Please try to act your age next time you post.
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    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    jinglepupskye You are becoming quite the troll...on this thread at least and I think everyone is just avoiding you because...again the rule... if u feed a troll.. yeah.. but haven't you learnt anything from my circular logic post? Your arguments make no sense and believe me I would expect nothing less from Teesside university but please stop saying it with such bitterness. You have such hatred towards men its baffaling. You are acting very immature and are unable to let it go for a while now...please...its over, build a bridge and get over it. If you are unable to build a bridge due to your mental instability please seek the aid of a structural engineer...or rather a psychiatrist because he might be the only one that can help you. Secondly the persons who throw the immature argument first on the table are usually the immature ones. I mean seriously...who uses age and maturity insults in an attempt to " be mature ". Circular logic at it's finest.

    P.S - Subject closed, I mean it, I don't want you trolling any more, if you wanna give your opinion, be polite about it and stop being so bitter and no more insults, this argument between us ends here because you're not in grade 7 so I expect you to act like you aren't. Please try to act your age next time you post.
    You're the one throwing around insults. I don't even know how you inferred hatred for men from ANYTHING she said. Her arguments make plenty of sense. Perhaps instead of simply waffling on about nothing in particular you could point out any inconsistencies or illogical parts that you can see her argument?

    P.S. It's not up to you to tell people to stop posting.
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    I never told her to stop posting I just said stop being insulting and immature when you do post. I wanna end this in a mature way so we stop flaming thats it.


    P.S – As for the...hatred/bitterness...lets take a look at the track record shall we

    I would like to direct your attention to :

    Exhibit A - "Some of the girl's comments on here have actually left me wondering what happened to female equality. Is the girl really supposed to just sit and watch him playing with himself all the time and then be grateful for the scraps of sex that he throws in her direction? Should he drag her round by the hair as well?"

    Exhibit B – A statement that clearly shows maturity - “Doesn't it make you you laugh when some 16 year old kid who has probably never even been in the same room as a girl, tries to come over all macho and knowing about something that he knows nowt about? Go away and grow up, baby.”

    Exhibit C – “If she doesn't like you watching porn then why is it such a big deal to give it up, or get all high and mighty about 'male needs'? :rolleyes:

    Exhibit D - Example of what its like to be ONE SIDED – “To be honest I think she should dump you. The simple fact that you're willing to lie to her gives her plenty reason not to trust you or to feel insecure. Being part of a relationship involves compromise and change on both sides. If you can't accept that acting like Jack the Lad is no longer acceptable, then for her sake dump her and don't bother getting a proper girlfriend until you've grown up a bit. “
    ( Also note the constant use of insults about the maturity of the OP and/or everyone else noting that 1 she must feel very insecure about how mature she is and 2 she uses the internet tough guy technique to boost her "maturity levels".)

    I rest my case.
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    Zamolxes, your first 'circular logic' argument is invalid. The Bible does not state that masturbation is wrong, infact it is not even mentioned. Church doctrine is split on the subject- some saying 'true love waits... But masturbation doesn't' and others saying abstain from anything that might stoke your sexual fire.
    [/Direct Response]

    The view that makes the most sense to me comes somewhere between the two. The thought is that, seeing as sexual intimacy was designed to bond people together in a marital relationship, activities that promote that intimate 'oneness' are encouraged.

    I don't see much 'oneness' in people masturbating separately, so porn is out of the picture for me. But when I reach the level of relationship where I will become sexually active (i.e. with my husband) masturbation will not be. Especially since I don't want a billion kids. :P

    That's it for me on this thread: OP, good luck with your girlfriend- sounds like you're really enjoying your relationship with her. As I said, this whole thing is a personal choice and she can't make you do anything- just simply respond to that choice.

    But if you need a release that bad because she's not there, surely you won't need porn to help lol.
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    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    jinglepupskye You are becoming quite the troll...on this thread at least and I think everyone is just avoiding you because...again the rule... if u feed a troll.. yeah.. but haven't you learnt anything from my circular logic post? Your arguments make no sense and believe me I would expect nothing less from Teesside university but please stop saying it with such bitterness. You have such hatred towards men its baffaling. You are acting very immature and are unable to let it go for a while now...please...its over, build a bridge and get over it. If you are unable to build a bridge due to your mental instability please seek the aid of a structural engineer...or rather a psychiatrist because he might be the only one that can help you. Secondly the persons who throw the immature argument first on the table are usually the immature ones. I mean seriously...who uses age and maturity insults in an attempt to " be mature ". Circular logic at it's finest.

    P.S - Subject closed, I mean it, I don't want you trolling any more, if you wanna give your opinion, be polite about it and stop being so bitter and no more insults, this argument between us ends here because you're not in grade 7 so I expect you to act like you aren't. Please try to act your age next time you post.
    I LOVE men! I absolutely adore men! But none of the men that I know would prefer to spend time watching porn and knocking one out, rather than making out with a real live girl. The OP needs to work out why he is so dependent on porn that he is failing to come up to expectations with his girlfriend, as that is the real problem.

    As for you...

    I will make allowance for the fact that you are new to the Student Room and perhaps don't realise that people can post what they like and that only the moderators can prevent them if they break the t&cs. Expressing an opinion is allowed. You should also note that personal attacks are not allowed on this, or any other forum, so perhaps you should spend some time thinking about that.

    I would also point out that casting aspersions on people's choice of university is ridiculous. I CHOSE to go to Teesside because it offered the course, physiotherapy, that I wanted to do and I wanted to live at home. My choice, not yours.

    And as a final thought:

    Imagine that I am the OP and I post saying that I am constantly watching porn and playing with myself and when I have sex with my boyfriend I basically just go through the motions until he comes. Would you be quite so quick to say, get in there girl, you do what you want and don't let anyone tell you it's wrong? I somehow doubt that you would be supporting the girl in that situation and would be telling the boy to find someone else.

    Thank you to the people who have defended me on here and who have given me positive rep to make up for the neg rep given by others. It was very kind of you.
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    (Original post by jinglepupskye)
    I LOVE men! I absolutely adore men! But none of the men that I know would prefer to spend time watching porn and knocking one out, rather than making out with a real live girl.
    No, the majority of men would prefer to have both - regular sex with an attractive girlfriend and the ability to access porn whenever they feel like a ****.

    Masturbation and a healthy sex life go together, they are not mutually exclusive. A healthy young man should be able to have more than enough orgasms a day for both purposes. Masturbation may be a less preferred alternative, but like oral sex it is something different that has its own merits in terms of sexual enjoyment, being generally more relaxing than sex.

    Men are quite visual when it comes to sexual arousal and porn is an effective masturbation aid. Its also fundamentally something that many men like and would not be thrilled about giving up - whatever moral or personal objections some women have towards it - so why should they, there are plenty of other women out there who are less insecure and depending on your perspective, more or less, enlightened on the subject.
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    (Original post by pendragon)
    No, the majority of men would prefer to have both - regular sex with an attractive girlfriend and the ability to access porn whenever they feel like a ****.

    Masturbation and a healthy sex life go together, they are not mutually exclusive. A healthy young man should be able to have more than enough orgasms a day for both purposes. Masturbation may be a less preferred alternative, but like oral sex it is something different that has its own merits in terms of sexual enjoyment, being generally more relaxing than sex.

    Men are quite visual when it comes to sexual arousal and porn is an effective masturbation aid. Its also fundamentally something that many men like and would not be thrilled about giving up - whatever moral or personal objections some women have towards it - so why should they, there are plenty of other women out there who are less insecure and depending on your perspective, more or less, enlightened on the subject.
    But the point is that the OP's interest in porn is reducing his ability to perform for his girlfriend. Should she just accept that situation or should she expect that he will moderate the porn viewing and masturbation so that both areas are in balance and they are both happy with their sex life?

    People don't seem to recognise that her request for him to stop the porn is more to do with him overusing it, rather than her being unreasonable. It's not about judgements on the morality of what he is doing.

    In the end he has a choice. He either listens to the concerns of his girlfriend and moderates his activities, or he continues as he is and she will leave him. And I think that he will find it extremely difficult to find any girl who is prepared to watch her partner knocking them out to porn and then leaving her unhappy in the bedroom. Maybe he's just not ready for sex with a partner?
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    Why are you still on this...seriously what the hell. Have you even read half the posts? that isnt the issue. He clearly stated in the first post that she doesn't like him watching porn because she doesn't like him thinking of other women " that way ". Which frankly needs a reality check because non of us find only one person attractive...that would mean game over if that one relationship ended.

    Secondly you keep saying things about him masturbating rather than having sex with her. This is again untrue because he clearly stated he does it in his free time when hes bored out of his skull...besides its hard to watch porn and not start to touch yourself at one point.

    Thirdly the thing about him not being able to come happend ONCE so stop dramatizing the subject...and its probably because he masturbated before, or so he says. Meaning what? not have an orgasm? ever? untill your gf decides its sex time?

    Fourthly you said that hes leaving her unhappy in the bedroom. AGAIN that is a false statement if you ever read any of the OP's posts he said he always makes her come and thats not the problem and even she acknowledges that. According to her the problem is him sometimes not being able to come which makes her feel insecure and increasingly controling. That is not healthy.. for a person or a relationship.

    And you...stop posting with such a burning fire please, it seems like you have a deep personal anger towards this and it is clouding your judgement. I'd like very much to actually stop posting in this thread as other people have sucessfully given the right advice to the OP. There is no need for you or me to keep posting here because were just ranting like 5 year olds. The only reason im replying to this is because number 1 you are making a ton of false statements, and number 2 you keep attacking the OP which frankly I think is a pretty cool guy given the way hes acted about all this while half the guys here would have dumped her for her insecurity hes actually trying to make her happy and trying to get some advice.

    Hes a nice kid..live him alone, end of story. And stop posting nonsense, please read the posts before making further baseless accusations. Thank you.
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    (Original post by jinglepupskye)
    But the point is that the OP's interest in porn is reducing his ability to perform for his girlfriend. Should she just accept that situation or should she expect that he will moderate the porn viewing and masturbation so that both areas are in balance and they are both happy with their sex life?
    That is a perfectly reasonable suggestion, I do not disagree. But I read the situation as her being against him 'lusting after other women' generally speaking and wanting him to stop watching porn entirely, along with an unfortunate incident of him not being able to perform once or twice - the latter point should just be a matter of common sense on his part, there is no need for it to arise and your suggestion would rectify it.
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    Tell her to get over it, I don't mind when bf does it because there's no reason why I should. It's like trying to restrict what you do in your spare time.
 
 
 
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