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Girlfriend doesnt like me watching porn (or ******* at all for that matter) Watch

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    Tell her that your just trying to learn some new moves to use with her ;-)
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    (Original post by pendragon)
    That is a perfectly reasonable suggestion, I do not disagree. But I read the situation as her being against him 'lusting after other women' generally speaking and wanting him to stop watching porn entirely, along with an unfortunate incident of him not being able to perform once or twice - the latter point should just be a matter of common sense on his part, there is no need for it to arise and your suggestion would rectify it.
    She is against him watching porn because he is making her feel insecure by doing so. His inability to perform reinforces that feeling of insecurity. The more he watches porn, the more insecure she feels.

    Sometimes sex is just a shag, both come and that is all there is to it. And as long as they are both happy with that, then fine.

    But in this case, they are in a relationship and she wants emotional closeness as well as sex. His use of porn is preventing that closeness because it makes her feel he prefers the porn, and the women involved, more than her.

    His failure to perforn with her, albeit once or twice, adds to her insecurity. And so she asks him not to do the porn. He gets on his high horse and says she can't stop him and she gets more insecure. And so the cycle continues.

    If he wants the relationship to continue, and he actually does love her as much as he claims, he needs to reassure her. And in reality, the only way of doing that is to stop watching the porn, even if only for a short period of time, and concentrate on rebuilding her confidence in him.
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    (Original post by jinglepupskye)
    She is against him watching porn because he is making her feel insecure by doing so. His inability to perform reinforces that feeling of insecurity. The more he watches porn, the more insecure she feels.

    Sometimes sex is just a shag, both come and that is all there is to it. And as long as they are both happy with that, then fine.

    But in this case, they are in a relationship and she wants emotional closeness as well as sex. His use of porn is preventing that closeness because it makes her feel he prefers the porn, and the women involved, more than her.

    His failure to perforn with her, albeit once or twice, adds to her insecurity. And so she asks him not to do the porn. He gets on his high horse and says she can't stop him and she gets more insecure. And so the cycle continues.

    If he wants the relationship to continue, and he actually does love her as much as he claims, he needs to reassure her. And in reality, the only way of doing that is to stop watching the porn, even if only for a short period of time, and concentrate on rebuilding her confidence in him.


    Honestly, I don't think the key to her self-confidence is him stopping to watch porn; the roots of confidence are much less superficial then that. Frankly, there is no way he confuses masturbation with "emotional closeness" and other aspects you can only really receive during sex. You wouldn't say that a war film, no matter what emotions it illicits, is comparable to actual war? The emotions are a pale comparison, though that doesn't undermine their validity or their right to exist.

    Confidence is something that can be helped with support, but, honestly, if she feels that the root of her confidence lies in comparison with Kinky Katherine and Slutty Sally, then she needs a paradigm shift in how SHE views the world, and even if he stops watching porn, it will always be something - a girl that he looked at a second too long, a compliment that wasn't said, or a dress criticised. This insecurity isn't a fault on HIS part, but rather a fault on HER part.

    If the situation was reversed, and the guy was complaining that his girlfriend masturbated making him feel inferior in bed, the advice would mainly say the he needs to get over it, she's just in touch with her sexuality, 'The Awakening', D. H. Lawrence and all that jazz. It would be said that she doesn't think of porn as a substitute for him, that, in fact, it means she has a healthy libido - something good for him! These arguments can easily be reversed; his occasional inability to perform, most likely, is only partially linked to porn.
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    (Original post by jinglepupskye)
    moderate the porn viewing and masturbation so that both areas are in balance and they are both happy with their sex life
    That I agree with.
    (Original post by jinglepupskye)
    If he wants the relationship to continue, and he actually does love her as much as he claims, he needs to reassure her. And in reality, the only way of doing that is to stop watching the porn, even if only for a short period of time, and concentrate on rebuilding her confidence in him.
    This contradicts your other suggestion, rather than balance this is him giving it up entirely and if he does that temporarily I don't see that he can so easily resume a healthy balance alla your other statement (which I agreed with) without reawakening her anxieties.

    It seems that she needs to give up some of her insecurities and he needs to give up some of his porn, you can't expect him to give up porn altogether if he doesn't want to.

    If this problem is insoluble then the relationship should end, but I anticipate that she will go forward with more problems as a result of her attitude than he will as a result of his.
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    As long as you wouldn't mind her watching guys with 11 inch nobs, then she is being unreasonable...haha

    It depends on your relationship.
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    (Original post by kklol)
    wtf? insecure much? it's girls like you who ive the rest a bad name.

    it's so stupid when girl's won't allow a bloke to be a bloke and then wonder why he's unhappy.
    how can you tar all girls with the same brush in this respect? She was giving her opinion on it...nobody gives no-one a 'bad name'.

    Thats how she feels.

    She might be bothered more than other girls, other girls may be bothered more than her...
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    (Original post by geordiebabehh)
    how can you tar all girls with the same brush in this respect? She was giving her opinion on it...nobody gives no-one a 'bad name'.

    Thats how she feels.

    She might be bothered more than other girls, other girls may be bothered more than her...
    OMG... are you telling me that girls have different opinions from each other? :eek:
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    (Original post by pendragon)
    OMG... are you telling me that girls have different opinions from each other? :eek:

    ohhhhhh yes lol
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    I think it depends individually on relationship

    But personally I don't watch porns and in addition I wouldn't do it in frount of girlfriend Because how then she would feel ? She would probably worry and think why he is doing it while I'm availible for him ?

    Well, if she would want to watch porn then I would probably just sit with her and hug her, I would feel a bit weird to be honest
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    Yes but he doesn't do it in front of her. He doesn't even mentions it casually. She nags him about it, asks him questions. " WHAT DON'T TELL ME YOU WATCHED PORN AGAIN!!?", " AND YOU DARED TOUCH YOURSELF?? BLASPHEMY! GET OUT OF MY FACE". Seriously does that sound healthy to any of you? She clearly needs to get over her insecurity issues and grow up.
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    I think sometimes you have to put yourself in her shoes; how would you feel if she got off to looking at images of hot guys that aren't you? How woukd you feel if you accidentalky came across a browser on her laptop she'd forgot to close and enclosed were images of channing tatum shirtless and piled up? You'd feel betrayed, like you aren't enough for her. That, my friend, is exactly how she feels.

    Porn also sets a great deal of unrealistic standards for women, it can leave them feeling inadequate.
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    (Original post by suek)
    Wonder how many of the girls who are against porn/masturbating never do one or the other themselves in a relationship?
    Lol I was about to say this! I don't really understand why anyone would get annoyed by it, male or female.
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    This thread is from 2008 wtf lads
 
 
 
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