The Student Room Group

2nd year at uni with no friends

Hi I'm about to start my second year at Coventry university and I have not friends whatsoever. I had stayed at halls in my first year went out a couple of times with a flat mate then we became quite distant as he started to hang with his course mates all the time. I tried to make friends in my course, yeah they are okay but they don't really talk much and after lecture they just go straight home.

I wanted to join the cricket society and I had applied but to afraid to turn up because I don't know anyone and I consider myself quite awkward it's my fear. so I joined the gaming society played for their team, they don't hang out much, in fact the leaders don't even talk to us, which makes it extremely difficult to find friends in this area.

I have friends online, which I know in real life but we never meet or go for a drink. I want close friends who I can talk to without feeling awkward. I want to go out like everybody else, concerts, clubbing, restaurants etc but no one seems to like me and I can't really to anyone else.

I'm just too awkward and I can't speak Infront of other people including family. I am this rediculous that I'm too afraid to get a job during summer, I'm literally pathetic. I have spoken to the university about this but they didn't understand me they just wanted to get rid of me.

I'm about to move in with two new flat mates, I'm afraid that they won't become friends with me. All I want is to have close friends who likes me as company. why is it so hard? I can't even talk to girls normally.

I really don't know what to do anymore as I spend most my time alone in my room doing nothing.
There is another thread running at the moment on a similar topic with lots of useful suggestions. Might be a good place to start? https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7243225&p=97482800&page=2#post97482800
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
Hi I'm about to start my second year at Coventry university and I have not friends whatsoever. I had stayed at halls in my first year went out a couple of times with a flat mate then we became quite distant as he started to hang with his course mates all the time. I tried to make friends in my course, yeah they are okay but they don't really talk much and after lecture they just go straight home.

I wanted to join the cricket society and I had applied but to afraid to turn up because I don't know anyone and I consider myself quite awkward it's my fear. so I joined the gaming society played for their team, they don't hang out much, in fact the leaders don't even talk to us, which makes it extremely difficult to find friends in this area.

I have friends online, which I know in real life but we never meet or go for a drink. I want close friends who I can talk to without feeling awkward. I want to go out like everybody else, concerts, clubbing, restaurants etc but no one seems to like me and I can't really to anyone else.

I'm just too awkward and I can't speak Infront of other people including family. I am this rediculous that I'm too afraid to get a job during summer, I'm literally pathetic. I have spoken to the university about this but they didn't understand me they just wanted to get rid of me.

I'm about to move in with two new flat mates, I'm afraid that they won't become friends with me. All I want is to have close friends who likes me as company. why is it so hard? I can't even talk to girls normally.

I really don't know what to do anymore as I spend most my time alone in my room doing nothing.


Hi, firstly you are not rediculous or pathetic. Your feelings are completely valid and I am so sorry that you are going through this, but please know that you are not alone. In fact I am in a pretty similar situation to you and I know how tough it can be at times. But you seem to be making all of the right steps it's just your anxiety regarding certain situations that is getting in the way (which again I totally get). However, you could potentially be about to meet those friends you want when you move into your new flat. Try not to overthink it and get yourself all worked up assuming that the worse is going to happen. Just be yourself because one day you are going to meet friends who love you for you. Sending you a big virtual hug (if I was at your Uni I would be your friend in a heartbeat) x
Original post by leahjf
Hi, firstly you are not rediculous or pathetic. Your feelings are completely valid and I am so sorry that you are going through this, but please know that you are not alone. In fact I am in a pretty similar situation to you and I know how tough it can be at times. But you seem to be making all of the right steps it's just your anxiety regarding certain situations that is getting in the way (which again I totally get). However, you could potentially be about to meet those friends you want when you move into your new flat. Try not to overthink it and get yourself all worked up assuming that the worse is going to happen. Just be yourself because one day you are going to meet friends who love you for you. Sending you a big virtual hug (if I was at your Uni I would be your friend in a heartbeat) x


thanks so much for your reply it's really helpful. I wish you were at my uni.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi I'm about to start my second year at Coventry university and I have not friends whatsoever. I had stayed at halls in my first year went out a couple of times with a flat mate then we became quite distant as he started to hang with his course mates all the time. I tried to make friends in my course, yeah they are okay but they don't really talk much and after lecture they just go straight home.

I wanted to join the cricket society and I had applied but to afraid to turn up because I don't know anyone and I consider myself quite awkward it's my fear. so I joined the gaming society played for their team, they don't hang out much, in fact the leaders don't even talk to us, which makes it extremely difficult to find friends in this area.

I have friends online, which I know in real life but we never meet or go for a drink. I want close friends who I can talk to without feeling awkward. I want to go out like everybody else, concerts, clubbing, restaurants etc but no one seems to like me and I can't really to anyone else.

I'm just too awkward and I can't speak Infront of other people including family. I am this rediculous that I'm too afraid to get a job during summer, I'm literally pathetic. I have spoken to the university about this but they didn't understand me they just wanted to get rid of me.

I'm about to move in with two new flat mates, I'm afraid that they won't become friends with me. All I want is to have close friends who likes me as company. why is it so hard? I can't even talk to girls normally.

I really don't know what to do anymore as I spend most my time alone in my room doing nothing.


My name is El and I'm sorry to hear about your recent struggles with socialising and finding the right people at University.

It's a tough and scary part of Uni and it can feel like it will make or break your time at Uni but it doesn't! You can still have a wonderful time and be independent from others. But regardless of this, I wanted to try and share some tips that may help you:

Become an ambassador! It's a brilliant way to meet new and more sociable people who are on similar courses to you throughout the years of University. You can meet people on masters, people in first year who are just as desperate to find friends as you and people in third year and even your year that you may have never noticed before!

I was very shy when I first joined ambassadors but it's helped me thrive and gain a confidence I never thought I would have. The jobs vary so you can be doing open days supporting people who are nervous and in need of someone with knowledge or simply online work if socialising isn't for you.

Next I would suggest voluntary work. It's truly wonderful to volunteer and it's fantastic experience to have on your CV. Due to it being voluntary work, you get to work when you want and how long you want- so if you're too anxious, just do an hour or two! Or simply do one day of work.

I did this during a really bad time struggling with my shyness and it was one of the best decisions I made as it was a great way to develop and improve myself for a proper job; it also helped meeting new people both as employees and customers! You never know who’s going to walk through those doors. Plus these means you can experience work nights such as going out for meals with your co-workers or simply just drinks! I remember at my voluntary work we would go to quiz nights, it was great fun!

My other option would be to: just do it. You won't make friends if you're sitting inside too worried about not having friends... sometimes we are our own worst enemy and staying in and or coping with the awkwardness of making new friends; won't help you. Everyone is awkward at some point! It happens! You just gotta keep at it until that awkwardness is gone. You're meeting new people and it's a big deal and they're just as nervous as you are. Remember that.

You won't get anything out of your societies if you don't go- so go! I know it's scary and it's daunting... but keep on going, expose yourself and face your fears. Exposure therapy is the best kind of therapy and this will truly help you develop and become who you want to become and meet the people you want and deserve.

Maybe as well you're just overthinking it all! You could be too worried about all this and making it into bigger deals than it needs to be. Sometimes we get like this and it's okay! Sometimes we just need to regulate ourselves and realise people aren't purposely being cruel or don't like us.

I would suggest trying to plan nights out or evenings with your friends rather than relying on others to mention it- if you want to go out drinking or shopping with them: ask!! Don't wait and don't beat yourself up because they went home... they probably don't realise you want them to be those types of friends! So be the suggester, make plans! Be the leader!! This would work with your room mates too. Having room mates is the perfect chance to practice and try out new things with people so I would suggest seeing them as people to explore with and improve your social skills.

Getting help from the university- I'm sorry it made you feel unwelcome... but I would suggest trying to get help through the Student Welfare as that's where people with disabilities and mental health struggles can go to get aid.

I went through this and managed to get a Mental Health Mentor who I had throughout the three years of Coventry and she helped me with everything! Including making friends.
Mental Health Mentors will help you with anything you require help in and so I would heavily suggest asking if your university has this to offer.

I hope this all helps you and if you need anything else or want to talk more, do not hesitate to reply back to this message.

Be kind to yourself and be patient with this situation- you will get there!

Good luck,
El
Coventry University Student Ambassador
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Hi I'm about to start my second year at Coventry university and I have not friends whatsoever. I had stayed at halls in my first year went out a couple of times with a flat mate then we became quite distant as he started to hang with his course mates all the time. I tried to make friends in my course, yeah they are okay but they don't really talk much and after lecture they just go straight home.

I wanted to join the cricket society and I had applied but to afraid to turn up because I don't know anyone and I consider myself quite awkward it's my fear. so I joined the gaming society played for their team, they don't hang out much, in fact the leaders don't even talk to us, which makes it extremely difficult to find friends in this area.

I have friends online, which I know in real life but we never meet or go for a drink. I want close friends who I can talk to without feeling awkward. I want to go out like everybody else, concerts, clubbing, restaurants etc but no one seems to like me and I can't really to anyone else.

I'm just too awkward and I can't speak Infront of other people including family. I am this rediculous that I'm too afraid to get a job during summer, I'm literally pathetic. I have spoken to the university about this but they didn't understand me they just wanted to get rid of me.

I'm about to move in with two new flat mates, I'm afraid that they won't become friends with me. All I want is to have close friends who likes me as company. why is it so hard? I can't even talk to girls normally.

I really don't know what to do anymore as I spend most my time alone in my room doing nothing.


Hi!
I’m Eleanor, also going into my second year at Coventry so hopefully I’ll be able to help.
Firstly, I’m really sorry you’re struggling, it sounds really difficult, definitely not ridiculous! It must be really frustrating to try to make friends on your course when everyone goes home. Although, not all your friends have to be on your course and it’s really great that you made the first step in applying for a society… even if you didn’t show up. Society’s really are a great way to make friends and find people that you click with… I was also really anxious about joining a society so I messaged the president of the society and explained that I was really keen to join but too nervous, it’s something I’m really glad I did so it might help you too! If you speak to the president of the cricket society I’m sure that they would make sure that you feel included and valued. I found that the first few sessions after joining a society were the most nerve wracking but that it was definitely worth it!
Something else that might be helpful is looking into the peer mentoring scheme, something I’m sure your student success coach could help you with! Have you tried meeting with your student success coach? They might be able to help you feel more confident about joining society’s and making new friends especially with all the events that will be happening in September.
With regards to a job, it’s totally normally to be scared, it shows that you care. Did you have somewhere in mind that you would like to work? If not then I would recommend going into various places and getting a feel for the environment, just to make sure you feel as comfortable as possible. Ask them if they’re looking for staff and even take a copy of your CV with you. Websites like Indeed can also be really useful too!
It sounds really exciting that you’re moving in with two flat mates and a really good opportunity to make a close friendship! Have you tried to meet up with them before you move in together or maybe tried messaging them so that you can get to know each other and what you have in common etc.
Something else I found really helpful (although a little scary at first) was being the first to ask my course mates out to do something- it turned out they were just as nervous as me but it got the ball rolling!
I really do hope this helps, and please please let me know if you need any help, you’ve got this!

Eleanor
Original post by Anonymous
Hi I'm about to start my second year at Coventry university and I have not friends whatsoever. I had stayed at halls in my first year went out a couple of times with a flat mate then we became quite distant as he started to hang with his course mates all the time. I tried to make friends in my course, yeah they are okay but they don't really talk much and after lecture they just go straight home.

I wanted to join the cricket society and I had applied but to afraid to turn up because I don't know anyone and I consider myself quite awkward it's my fear. so I joined the gaming society played for their team, they don't hang out much, in fact the leaders don't even talk to us, which makes it extremely difficult to find friends in this area.

I have friends online, which I know in real life but we never meet or go for a drink. I want close friends who I can talk to without feeling awkward. I want to go out like everybody else, concerts, clubbing, restaurants etc but no one seems to like me and I can't really to anyone else.

I'm just too awkward and I can't speak Infront of other people including family. I am this rediculous that I'm too afraid to get a job during summer, I'm literally pathetic. I have spoken to the university about this but they didn't understand me they just wanted to get rid of me.

I'm about to move in with two new flat mates, I'm afraid that they won't become friends with me. All I want is to have close friends who likes me as company. why is it so hard? I can't even talk to girls normally.

I really don't know what to do anymore as I spend most my time alone in my room doing nothing.


University is the place to meet new people and try new things, so join the cricket society! Of course, it is weird at first but it will become more relaxed quite quickly.

I'd say if you feel as if Cov Uni isn't for you, try transferring to a different Uni. There is still time as it is before September.

Also, making friends at uni is hard but try joining societies, that usually helps

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