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i think i’m ugly - will i be able to find a bf/gf?

this question is less to do with self-confidence, and more to do with the objective statement that i am simply not the most attractive person in the world. i am probably the least attractive person in my friend group, and something that is playing more and more on my mind is that when i start uni this fall i won’t be able to find a romantic partner.

i am quite an average height for a woman, perhaps a bit shorter, and a bit overweight - not massively, but my broad shoulders make this more noticeable, plus the fact that i store most of my weight on my stomach. i have a fair bit of acne, and dark facial hair on my chin, cheeks, and upper lip - this is all due to my PCOS. i also have kinda a big nose lol which is fine but i sometimes feel a bit insecure about it.

like i said, i wouldn’t say i’m putting myself down here - there are lots of things i like about myself, such as my eyes, my brows, my intelligence, my personality (most of the time), and even my hair - however it is super super long, thick, and frizzy, and i hate wearing it down so i just put it into a ponytail most of the time. i’m reluctant to cut it because i am very proud of the length and the luscious thickness even though it’s hard to manage. i’m not very good at styling it in up-dos or anything as i like to have it scraped back when doing a bun but it always has lumps and frizz, and my braids are not very neat either. so in the last week or so i’ve been using lots of frizz treatment and oil and stuff and wearing it completely down at work - it looks pretty good but i really dislike the feeling and you can definitely still see my dark-ish sideburns lol.

i’ve also been experimenting with more makeup recently and i’m getting better at covering almost all of my acne with foundation/concealer, however it sits weird on my face sometimes… i know models and influencers use photoshop and whatever to make their makeup look smooth but even my friends and co-workers seem to have much nicer looking makeup, possibly because they don’t have loads of crazy hormones that produce spots and blackheads everywhere!

anyway i just want to know if there is anything else i can be doing to improve my appearance, but also if i’ll be able to find a boyfriend or girlfriend (i’m bi) in the near future - my only ex was a LDR who never actually met me irl. again, i do have good qualities - i pride myself on my intelligence, plus i’m funny, i play lots of different instruments, i have (imo) good music taste, my dress sense is alright, i planned lots of fun virtual dates for me and my ex and i care a lot about the people in my life.

any and all advice appreciated x
Original post by Anonymous
this question is less to do with self-confidence, and more to do with the objective statement that i am simply not the most attractive person in the world. i am probably the least attractive person in my friend group, and something that is playing more and more on my mind is that when i start uni this fall i won’t be able to find a romantic partner.

i am quite an average height for a woman, perhaps a bit shorter, and a bit overweight - not massively, but my broad shoulders make this more noticeable, plus the fact that i store most of my weight on my stomach. i have a fair bit of acne, and dark facial hair on my chin, cheeks, and upper lip - this is all due to my PCOS. i also have kinda a big nose lol which is fine but i sometimes feel a bit insecure about it.

like i said, i wouldn’t say i’m putting myself down here - there are lots of things i like about myself, such as my eyes, my brows, my intelligence, my personality (most of the time), and even my hair - however it is super super long, thick, and frizzy, and i hate wearing it down so i just put it into a ponytail most of the time. i’m reluctant to cut it because i am very proud of the length and the luscious thickness even though it’s hard to manage. i’m not very good at styling it in up-dos or anything as i like to have it scraped back when doing a bun but it always has lumps and frizz, and my braids are not very neat either. so in the last week or so i’ve been using lots of frizz treatment and oil and stuff and wearing it completely down at work - it looks pretty good but i really dislike the feeling and you can definitely still see my dark-ish sideburns lol.

i’ve also been experimenting with more makeup recently and i’m getting better at covering almost all of my acne with foundation/concealer, however it sits weird on my face sometimes… i know models and influencers use photoshop and whatever to make their makeup look smooth but even my friends and co-workers seem to have much nicer looking makeup, possibly because they don’t have loads of crazy hormones that produce spots and blackheads everywhere!

anyway i just want to know if there is anything else i can be doing to improve my appearance, but also if i’ll be able to find a boyfriend or girlfriend (i’m bi) in the near future - my only ex was a LDR who never actually met me irl. again, i do have good qualities - i pride myself on my intelligence, plus i’m funny, i play lots of different instruments, i have (imo) good music taste, my dress sense is alright, i planned lots of fun virtual dates for me and my ex and i care a lot about the people in my life.

any and all advice appreciated x

Hey! I understand a lot of your insecurities. PCOS runs in my family and I’ve been showing signs but not had a diagnosis. I get what you mean about the acne and darker/more hair - I have similar issues alongside quite a deep voice. I wouldn’t consider myself attractive but I have a boyfriend and have had several previous partners.

If you want to wear makeup, that’s totally okay, but don’t do it to look good! It can make your acne worse. Wear it because you like it, not because you want to hide who you are.

My hair is also extremely frizzy - I’m starting to grow it out and it is so hard to manage. I can’t be bothered to maintain it lol.

As long as you’re a good person, which it sounds like you are, you totally have a shot at getting a decent partner!
1. Weight: If you're pretty young and already overweight, you should really focus on getting that sorted now because your body will become more prone to weight gain as you age (and the longer you hold excess fat for, the harder it becomes to shift too). If you're only mildly overweight, then this is a great time to think about creating some healthy and sustainable diet & lifestyle changes that will slowly ebb away at that weight without being too difficult to maintain. The longer you are slim & healthy in your youth for, the easier it will be to carry these trends over into your mature years and set yourself up for a long life enjoyed with good health.

2. Hair: Curly hair can be lush! Please don't cut it, it will be such a shame. Curly hair actually tends to be more fine and prone to drying out and damage than a lot of other hair types so it needs to be managed in ways more specific to curly hair maintanence. Trying speaking to a hairdresser who has experience at working with curly hair for products and styling tips.

3. Skin:
a. Oil-based cleansers are kinder on your skin and very effective at unglogging and removing backheads. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Super-Facialist-Cleansing-Cleanser-Multi-Step/dp/B00KZYWQLM/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=super%2Bfacialist%2Boil%2Bcleanser&qid=1657874900&sprefix=super%2Bfacialist%2Boil%2Caps%2C98&sr=8-1-spons&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyNjA0QlpMMjlOUEhEJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNDcyMzQzM0NDVTcyRThPNlBIViZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNzQxMTM1MjdNTlhMNVNRT01ZVSZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU&th=1
b. Primer will can help with oil control whether you're using makeup or not.
c. Try "Dots for Spots" to get rid of acne and spots, they're very effective! https://www.amazon.co.uk/pimple-patch-hydrocolloid-acne-spot-treatment/dp/B087D6BC8S/ref=sr_1_7?crid=2QFDDCOV4F2DI&keywords=dots+for&qid=1652185282&sprefix=dots+fors%2Caps%2C62&sr=8-7
d. This facial scrub is also excellent at combating blackhead and spot-prone skin: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00BOUP082/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
e. Make sure you use a Vitamin E base moisturiser every day to help calm your skin (Vitamin E also combats spots).
(edited 1 year ago)
Different people often have very different attraction dealbreakers and beauty standards. :smile:
Try not to worry.
As long as you have a positive mentality, good hygiene, are active & reasonably healthy, eating a balanced diet, earning regular income, have at least average social skills and have realistic dealbreakers & expectations- there will be plenty of compatible single guys interested in dating or hooking up with you.

You may feel happier if you start using some virtual hairstyling & makeup sites to checkout whether there are any new looks that may suit you very well.
Have you considered paying for some makeup lessons with an experienced mua?

Most women store the majority of their body fat reserves on their stomach and upper torso.
These body areas are often the last visible source of weight fat to be lost.
Even without pcos, it takes most females a lot of time and effort to
Much easier to get rid of waterweight and a bloated stomach appearance.
Maybe start doing some short daily exercise workouts at home or work and drink more still unflavoured water.
If you switch to just drinking water, you can eliminate up to 15% of your calories from your diet. Keeping hydrated (2 liters of water a day) will also help make your skin glow. I'd also recommend trying an elimination diet to see if your acne is being caused by inflammation due to a certain food group. For instance, tomatoes are rich in antioxidants and can help with reducing acne scarring, but can also cause breakouts. It's all personal to you.

I'm sure you'll be fine regardless. You seem very personable, and your friendship group will probably expose you to new people who could be potential partner material.
Original post by RushingRiver
Hey! I understand a lot of your insecurities. PCOS runs in my family and I’ve been showing signs but not had a diagnosis. I get what you mean about the acne and darker/more hair - I have similar issues alongside quite a deep voice. I wouldn’t consider myself attractive but I have a boyfriend and have had several previous partners.

If you want to wear makeup, that’s totally okay, but don’t do it to look good! It can make your acne worse. Wear it because you like it, not because you want to hide who you are.

My hair is also extremely frizzy - I’m starting to grow it out and it is so hard to manage. I can’t be bothered to maintain it lol.

As long as you’re a good person, which it sounds like you are, you totally have a shot at getting a decent partner!

this made me feel so much better - thank you for your lovely comment! it's nice to know that someone else has faced similar issues (i also have a very deep voice but tbh i like it! :smile:).

i do try to keep face makeup as minimal as possible, but after 18 years of essentially never wearing it (except for the odd party, night out, or dance show) i am trying to experiment a bit, although i do recognise that it might backfire in the long term so i take it off in the shower as soon as i get home. i've also been testing out some new ways of doing eye makeup and stuff and i'm not very good but i am enjoying practicing haha.

i feel you with the frizz, i've been washing my hair in cold water rather than hot, leaving in my conditioner for longer than usual, braiding it at night to air dry and tame it, using leave-ins to try and calm it, but it still just frizzes up almost immediately!!

again, thanks for your kind response, i will try to keep this all in mind going forwards x
Original post by Feastful
1. Weight: If you're pretty young and already overweight, you should really focus on getting that sorted now because your body will become more prone to weight gain as you age (and the longer you hold excess fat for, the harder it becomes to shift too). If you're only mildly overweight, then this is a great time to think about creating some healthy and sustainable diet & lifestyle changes that will slowly ebb away at that weight without being too difficult to maintain. The longer you are slim & healthy in your youth for, the easier it will be to carry these trends over into your mature years and set yourself up for a long life enjoyed with good health.

2. Hair: Curly hair can be lush! Please don't cut it, it will be such a shame. Curly hair actually tends to be more fine and prone to drying out and damage than a lot of other hair types so it needs to be managed in ways more specific to curly hair maintanence. Trying speaking to a hairdresser who has experience at working with curly hair for products and styling tips.

3. Skin:
a. Oil-based cleansers are kinder on your skin and very effective at unglogging and removing backheads. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Super-Facialist-Cleansing-Cleanser-Multi-Step/dp/B00KZYWQLM/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=super%2Bfacialist%2Boil%2Bcleanser&qid=1657874900&sprefix=super%2Bfacialist%2Boil%2Caps%2C98&sr=8-1-spons&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyNjA0QlpMMjlOUEhEJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNDcyMzQzM0NDVTcyRThPNlBIViZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNzQxMTM1MjdNTlhMNVNRT01ZVSZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU&th=1
b. Primer will can help with oil control whether you're using makeup or not.
c. Try "Dots for Spots" to get rid of acne and spots, they're very effective! https://www.amazon.co.uk/pimple-patch-hydrocolloid-acne-spot-treatment/dp/B087D6BC8S/ref=sr_1_7?crid=2QFDDCOV4F2DI&keywords=dots+for&qid=1652185282&sprefix=dots+fors%2Caps%2C62&sr=8-7
d. This facial scrub is also excellent at combating blackhead and spot-prone skin: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00BOUP082/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
e. Make sure you use a Vitamin E base moisturiser every day to help calm your skin (Vitamin E also combats spots).

this was a really helpful response, thank you so much for all of your advice. i've been meaning to lose some weight for a long time but i never seem to find an exercise regime that sticks, and my family doesn't have the healthiest diets in the world so whenever i'm hungry my snacks are more junk-foody than healthy, i suspect this is a big reason why i struggle to ever lose weight. i used to be a lot more involved in sports and stuff when i was in school so i'm hoping that when i start uni soon i can pick something up again - i'm thinking football or karate haha as these would both be pretty new to me and seem super fun. in the meantime i walk to work when i can (about 40 mins each way) and i will try to implement some more exercise into my daily routine, my brother got an exercise bike not too long ago so i've been thinking about borrowing it (he never uses it lol).

the links are super helpful, thanks again! i will definitely invest in something with vitamin E and some spot dots too :smile:
Original post by londonmyst
Different people often have very different attraction dealbreakers and beauty standards. :smile:
Try not to worry.
As long as you have a positive mentality, good hygiene, are active & reasonably healthy, eating a balanced diet, earning regular income, have at least average social skills and have realistic dealbreakers & expectations- there will be plenty of compatible single guys interested in dating or hooking up with you.

You may feel happier if you start using some virtual hairstyling & makeup sites to checkout whether there are any new looks that may suit you very well.
Have you considered paying for some makeup lessons with an experienced mua?

Most women store the majority of their body fat reserves on their stomach and upper torso.
These body areas are often the last visible source of weight fat to be lost.
Even without pcos, it takes most females a lot of time and effort to
Much easier to get rid of waterweight and a bloated stomach appearance.
Maybe start doing some short daily exercise workouts at home or work and drink more still unflavoured water.

thank you for such a reassuring and kind post, this really made me feel a lot better. makeup lessons is actually a very good idea that i hadn't considered, so i'll have a look around to see if i can find any such service nearby. and yes i think daily workouts are a good way to start, i tried a super intense one a couple months ago and foolishly thought i could stick with it but evidently not haha. i only really drink water (and tea) but i don't drink nearly enough of it so i'll try keep that in mind. thank you once again for all your help :smile:
Original post by Mentalhealth*12
If you switch to just drinking water, you can eliminate up to 15% of your calories from your diet. Keeping hydrated (2 liters of water a day) will also help make your skin glow. I'd also recommend trying an elimination diet to see if your acne is being caused by inflammation due to a certain food group. For instance, tomatoes are rich in antioxidants and can help with reducing acne scarring, but can also cause breakouts. It's all personal to you.

I'm sure you'll be fine regardless. You seem very personable, and your friendship group will probably expose you to new people who could be potential partner material.

i only drink water (and tea) rather than any fizzy drinks or whatever but i still don't drink nearly enough water, so i'll definitely try and up my intake a bit. i hadn't thought of an elimination diet, that's a really good idea - to be honest i've been meaning to experiment with cutting back on milk and gluten for a while as it's supposedly really bad for PCOS and i do have admittedly a lot of white pasta and bread in my diet!

thank you so much for your reassurance, i really appreciate it :smile:
You're so sweet. Your personality certainly shines through in your posts. Positive energy is a big plus for most people.

If you want to focus on abdominal exercises, you can try pushups, situps, crunches, bicycle crunches, and exercises like the plank. A lot of women also do bulgarian squats as a thigh exercise.
Yes, some people admit to having questionable taste
Hi I have PCOS aswell
Even though I only eat about 1000 calories a day I'm about 2 or 3 kg overweight.
I feel unhappy with my body but now I'm 31 I dont to be dropping lower.
I've had an eating disorder since I've been about 15.

I feel afraid of food as I gain so quickly.
Do you have any advice? Do you think it is better to eat very little and not exercise? Recently I've been eating super healthily but I don't have much energy
I also have a 30GG chest which creates pain too
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by stickylikehoney
Hi I have PCOS aswell
Even though I only eat about 1000 calories a day I'm about 2 or 3 kg overweight.
I feel unhappy with my body but now I'm 31 I dont to be dropping lower.
I've had an eating disorder since I've been about 15.

I feel afraid of food as I gain so quickly.
Do you have any advice? Do you think it is better to eat very little and not exercise? Recently I've been eating super healthily but I don't have much energy
I also have a 30GG chest which creates pain too

heyy im probably the worst person to be trying to help but oh well im 18 and 45/46kg im really skinny and an A cup so we couldnt be more different idk if im currenlty underweight - im not according to the NHS's BMI chart but you never know with that lol but ive been clinically underweight my whole life i used to have doctors give me a meal plan to help me put on weight to help with my hypotension lol but no one knows apart from my close friends that since i was maybe 14 ive suffered from anorexia i was never fully diagnosed my doctors suspected it but i never said anything and my mum usually did all the talking for me at the doctors lol
i dont know much abt losing weight diets all i know is 1000 calories doesnt seem enough for you to function properly! and while 2 or 3kg overweight doesnt seem so big to me i can tell it makes you unhappy so id suggest working out and eating enough calories in order to maintain ur weight so you dont burn too much? im starting to work out and do exercise so my appetite improves and i eat more so maybe you could do the same but to burn more that way u dont need to eat less cus i can't imagine it making you feel any better also what i did and still do a lot when i cant stomach even the sight of food is to eat a little and fill myself up with loads of water or milk or just have a few eggs cus that gives me the satisfaction of yeah ok ive eaten i dont need to have a full lunch or dinner or whatever and ye ik thats rlly unhealthy but im working on it lol but its just an idea BUT PLS DONT DO IT DETRIMENTALLY sending you virtual strength xx
Original post by Anonymous
heyy im probably the worst person to be trying to help but oh well im 18 and 45/46kg im really skinny and an A cup so we couldnt be more different idk if im currenlty underweight - im not according to the NHS's BMI chart but you never know with that lol but ive been clinically underweight my whole life i used to have doctors give me a meal plan to help me put on weight to help with my hypotension lol but no one knows apart from my close friends that since i was maybe 14 ive suffered from anorexia i was never fully diagnosed my doctors suspected it but i never said anything and my mum usually did all the talking for me at the doctors lol
i dont know much abt losing weight diets all i know is 1000 calories doesnt seem enough for you to function properly! and while 2 or 3kg overweight doesnt seem so big to me i can tell it makes you unhappy so id suggest working out and eating enough calories in order to maintain ur weight so you dont burn too much? im starting to work out and do exercise so my appetite improves and i eat more so maybe you could do the same but to burn more that way u dont need to eat less cus i can't imagine it making you feel any better also what i did and still do a lot when i cant stomach even the sight of food is to eat a little and fill myself up with loads of water or milk or just have a few eggs cus that gives me the satisfaction of yeah ok ive eaten i dont need to have a full lunch or dinner or whatever and ye ik thats rlly unhealthy but im working on it lol but its just an idea BUT PLS DONT DO IT DETRIMENTALLY sending you virtual strength xx


hi, if you have anorexia maybe you should tell the doctors so they can help you??

I eat 1000 calories a day and I feel unhappy and hungry. PCOS is a disease which causes weight gain, so the symptom of weight gain from PCOS seems to have given me a mild eating disorder which I've lived with for 15 years now (im 31). When I was 18 I weighed about 8 and a half stone and maintained a 10-12 size frame by skipping meals. But I'm 31 now so I've filled out even more and got bigger, now I think I'm a bit over 9 and a half stone and I'm 5ft and 30gg and usually a size 12 (sometimes I can get away with 10). I'm a bit overweight maybe 2 or 3kg. I have really large breasts and thighs.

Recently I was eating more and going to the gym more but then I weighed myself and I had gained weight. That's why I went throw a low-mood patch and stopped going to the gym and doing weights and just went back to eating little cos I wanted to see scale number go lower. As you are naturally slender that probably works for you but it doesn't work for me. I feel afraid of food.

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