jealousy and low self worth

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
firstly please dont be too harsh in your responses

My self worth seems to get worse and worse.

I might sound snobby/judgy but I'm just saying how i feel. i have been going out with people who are a lot less educated and we don't have any common interests ior much to talk about. i find them online and they're tthee ones who are more interested in meeting up and don't keep ghosting me. they don't know anything about my culture or have any interest they've just lived in the same place their whole life. so i cant relate to them and feel empty inside but somehow its easier to deal with than being seen. numerous times they've revealed they had issues with drug addiction/pasts that involve dodgy things like court cases or dealing. i feel comfortable around them as sit's very routine and basic but we never leave the bedroom as the only place to go is like a pub. i have empathy for these guys and we've bonded over the darkes parts of ourselves. but i have to say it makes me feel worse and lower in ssellf worth i don't know why.

for some reason i cant meet or go for anyone else.

i also get career jealousy, seeing people from school do something impressive and high profile and get lots of attention for it. i feel like my life means nothing. i don't have any close friends either. i have a cool job and work hard but don't fit in there and am a bit of an office loner.

despite all this I've accomplished more than i thought i would but as I'm still lonely/isolated and very introverted it seems to mean nothing. i don't have any time to meet new people or join things due to my demanding job.


any advice at all? I've applied for counseling services but waiting months and months for anything. I do all the self care things i enjoy. i even started on anti depressents. Unfortunatly it doesn't work miracles
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Anonymous #2
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#2
I'm sorry about what you write here. It sounds like you really would benefit from some therapy. As you say, it doesn't work miracles, but it truly is sometingh that will help you gain more insight about the way you delve into relationships. I wish you luck and lots of motivation for your journey of learning to be more compassionate with yourself!
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Meduse
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#3
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#3
This may even just be a case of you needing to find people who are the same level as you, in terms of interests, intellect, goals, humour, etc. I know you say you have a demanding job, which makes things tough. Perhaps, if possible, you could sacrifice some time you spend with your current friends for another social activity?

Can you provide a bit more context about why you feel you can't meet new people (other than your job situation)? Are you too anxious? Do you get any particular thoughts/symptoms associated with your low self-worth?

Do you feel anything other than your friendships is contributing to your anxiety/low mood?

To clarify from above, counselling is a form of talking therapy, which you already said you're on the waiting list for.

If you've been referred/self-referred, unfortunately you just need to be patient or pay to go private. The second option isn't always available for people, so until then, something you can do is research some free CBT resources/activities to do. There are plenty online. Let me know if you want me to link some.

How long have you been on the antidepressants for? They take time to kick in and the ones you are taking may not be right for you. This doesn't mean there aren't others available to try, though.
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Dunnig Kruger
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#4
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#4
Also, why be a gangster's moll when you can be a doctor's / dentist's / lawyer's / chartered accountant's / chartered engineer's / IT professional's / ethical business owner's wife? Ethical business owners include CORGI plumbers, plasterers, electricians, builders, car mechanics.

Watch a few of the Owen Cook and Owen Cook Freetour videos. See if they resonate with you. One of his themes is why you shouldn't take drugs nor get involved romantically with people that do. His arguments on this are very convincing and make a lot of sense.

You are right that your life means nothing. In the grand scheme of things. Relative to the history of the universe. You'll be here and gone in the blink of an eye. You can use the fact in more than one way. A sensible way to use it is to not take your life seriously. Especially the setbacks and negative stuff. And to aim to fit as many amazing adventures into your life as you can. You can use it to address your shyness. You're shy. You feel uncomfortable talking to people you don't know well. You feel tongue tied in many situations. So what if you open your mouth and make a fool of yourself? Of if the other person doesn't like you? Go ahead and speak up. None of it matters that much anyway.

The career jealousy is fine. Use it to motivate yourself to finding a great way to earn your living. Go work for a competitor and turn over a new leaf in how you interact with your fellow workers when you start there. Try a different job or career. Keep trying till you find your niche.
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Anonymous #1
#5
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
If you're going to go for drug dealing types, go for higher level ones. The ones making huge amounts of money. Don't go for low level dealers.

Also, why be a gangster's moll when you can be a doctor's / dentist's / lawyer's / chartered accountant's / chartered engineer's / IT professional's / ethical business owner's wife? Ethical business owners include CORGI plumbers, plasterers, electricians, builders, car mechanics.

Watch a few of the Owen Cook and Owen Cook Freetour videos. See if they resonate with you. One of his themes is why you shouldn't take drugs nor get involved romantically with people that do. His arguments on this are very convincing and make a lot of sense.

You are right that your life means nothing. In the grand scheme of things. Relative to the history of the universe. You'll be here and gone in the blink of an eye. You can use the fact in more than one way. A sensible way to use it is to not take your life seriously. Especially the setbacks and negative stuff. And to aim to fit as many amazing adventures into your life as you can. You can use it to address your shyness. You're shy. You feel uncomfortable talking to people you don't know well. You feel tongue tied in many situations. So what if you open your mouth and make a fool of yourself? Of if the other person doesn't like you? Go ahead and speak up. None of it matters that much anyway.

The career jealousy is fine. Use it to motivate yourself to finding a great way to earn your living. Go work for a competitor and turn over a new leaf in how you interact with your fellow workers when you start there. Try a different job or career. Keep trying till you find your niche.
No I’d never be with a drug taker or dealer now they are either recovering and going sober or used to deal in the past. They often do very boring or low level jobs now. I don’t have anything against the job but it means I don’t have to be insecure about my situation. Maybe that’s it

also it’s easy to suggest that but as a woman approaching her late 20s time is not on my side and I can’t spend in searching… I’m already being written off romantically

what you say about taking the risk and coming out of my shell I would dream to do that but I’m terrified and have no idea where to start. When I drink I get depressed rather than courageous. I’m also just numb and not motivated to face my fears (I have been in the past) …
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Anonymous #1
#6
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(Original post by Meduse)
This may even just be a case of you needing to find people who are the same level as you, in terms of interests, intellect, goals, humour, etc. I know you say you have a demanding job, which makes things tough. Perhaps, if possible, you could sacrifice some time you spend with your current friends for another social activity?

Can you provide a bit more context about why you feel you can't meet new people (other than your job situation)? Are you too anxious? Do you get any particular thoughts/symptoms associated with your low self-worth?

Do you feel anything other than your friendships is contributing to your anxiety/low mood?

To clarify from above, counselling is a form of talking therapy, which you already said you're on the waiting list for.

If you've been referred/self-referred, unfortunately you just need to be patient or pay to go private. The second option isn't always available for people, so until then, something you can do is research some free CBT resources/activities to do. There are plenty online. Let me know if you want me to link some.

How long have you been on the antidepressants for? They take time to kick in and the ones you are taking may not be right for you. This doesn't mean there aren't others available to try, though.
Thanks for the reply. Aside from work hours yeah I have social anxiety and little money right now so I always write off plans I make as it will cost something or take from my self care time which I need to stay stable. Been on the meds for several months now so used to them but maybe it’s time for a higher dosage I dunno

you are right about the meeting likeminded people but I really don’t know where… online seems easier but I’m tired of online stuff and want real things

any suggestions welcome
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Dunnig Kruger
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
what you say about taking the risk and coming out of my shell I would dream to do that but I’m terrified and have no idea where to start. When I drink I get depressed rather than courageous. I’m also just numb and not motivated to face my fears (I have been in the past) …
Why are you terrified? Please be as brutally honest about this as you can.

If drinking makes you depressed: don't drink. Or at least not more than 1 drink with your evening meal.
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londonmyst
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#8
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#8
Life is too short short to waste your valuable time on negativity and corrosive destructive emotions like jealousy that will bring you any
happiness.

Shift your focus to maintaining an ambitious, positive mindset and working towards building the happy future life that you want.
Consider taking a break from dating while you edit your dealbreakers and decide on the direction of your ambitions.

What is your favourite boozy drink?
What type of ambitions do you have for the next 2-5 years?
What type of interests and hobbies do you enjoy?
Are you happy with your body shape and diet?
Any health problems or traumatic incidents during your childhood and early adult life?
Have you considered changing your look?
Getting a makeover done by a highly skilled mua and having some professional photos taken at a studio or by an experienced freelance photographer?

I do understand some of how you feel.
My last relationship ended 8 years ago.
I walked out when I discovered that I was living with a sordid & sociopathic trustfunder lawyer who secret hobbies included hiring sex workers for very violent high risk sexual activities and hiding his std's from me.
I was raised in a very controlling and toxic household that included a violent mother in the habit of collecting all manner of foul lowlife as pals.
Escaped before a levels were over and will never speak to any of my ancestors or their vile cabals again.

I'm now happily single, living alone and hoping to buy a property in the next 13 months.
I won't be going down the marriage route.
Have no time to waste on dating for the next few years, too many other ambitions.
Good luck!
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Surnia
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
I always write off plans I make as it will cost something or take from my self care time which I need to stay stable.

you are right about the meeting likeminded people but I really don’t know where… online seems easier but I’m tired of online stuff and want real things
But you spend time online so why not use that in real life for your plans? And activities can be free - anything from a walk in the park, an art gallery or museum, volunteering - or you budget for leisure time.
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