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Is it normal for a straight man to want to be with a transgender woman sexually,?

When I mean transgendered I mean the trans hasn't had a sex change, I'm asking because a guy i use to date and when we broke up we continued to hook up then he asked if I wanted a threesome with a trans woman I was shocked

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People have different varying amounts of genitalia preference. If he identifies a straight man, he can still be attracted to and want to have sex with a trans woman, because trans women are women, and he probably doesn't care about genitalia, it's more about the person.
It’s not normal, it’s highly unusual in fact.
Original post by themoonandback
People have different varying amounts of genitalia preference. If he identifies a straight man, he can still be attracted to and want to have sex with a trans woman, because trans women are women, and he probably doesn't care about genitalia, it's more about the person.

I’m no sexual health professor but this doesn’t sound right. If you’re heterosexual, how can you enjoy sexual relations with someone who has the same genitalia as you (since the other person hasn’t undergone surgical transition)? There must be another word to describe this type of attraction and therefore that makes him not-straight.

@becausethenight is there another sexual term to describe the OPs boyfriend? I’m a bit rubbish with remembering all the terms. I though it was pansexual but according to Google that just means general fluidity (which maybe is what this guy in the OP is?).
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Mesopotamian.
I’m no sexual health professor but this doesn’t sound right. If you’re heterosexual, how can you enjoy sexual relations with someone who has the same genitalia as you (since the other person hasn’t undergone surgical transition)? There must be another word to describe this type of attraction and therefore that makes him not-straight.


It's trans rights activist rhetoric.

Basically, they say that men having sex with pre-op trans women is the same as men having sex with biological women. Why? Because: tRaNs WomEN aRe WOmEN. And that you're doing a heckin transphobia by insinuating that men who have sex with trans women aren't really straight as you're implying that trans women aren't "real women".

They invoke all this rubbish about how genitals have nothing to do with gender because gender is a SoCIAl cOnstRUCt. Being a woman doesn't neccesarily mean you have XX chromosomes, it means that you perform the social role of a woman (see: gender performativity theory).

I’m a bit rubbish with remembering all the terms. I though it was pansexual but according to Google that just means general fluidity (which maybe is what this guy in the OP is?).


Pansexual is so 2015. Not many people use that anymore. We need to rEsPeCt traNs PeoPlE's LiVEd ExPerIenCES as their specified gender, not just in life but in the bedroom as well.

Don't get me wrong, I love, respect and stand by our trans brothers and sisters.
Original post by Jeanettemaree
When I mean transgendered I mean the trans hasn't had a sex change, I'm asking because a guy i use to date and when we broke up we continued to hook up then he asked if I wanted a threesome with a trans woman I was shocked


I love trans people. Mtf ftm transgenders. Love them all
^ #CreepyVibes
I can't speak for your ex but personally, I wouldn't want to have sex with a tran awoman.

Original post by Son of the Sea
^ #CreepyVibes


His post history is worse.
Original post by hungrysalamander
I can't speak for your ex but personally, I wouldn't want to have sex with a tran awoman.



His post history is worse.

Reading his other posts had me shuddering.
Original post by Mesopotamian.
I’m no sexual health professor but this doesn’t sound right. If you’re heterosexual, how can you enjoy sexual relations with someone who has the same genitalia as you (since the other person hasn’t undergone surgical transition)? There must be another word to describe this type of attraction and therefore that makes him not-straight.

@becausethenight is there another sexual term to describe the OPs boyfriend? I’m a bit rubbish with remembering all the terms. I though it was pansexual but according to Google that just means general fluidity (which maybe is what this guy in the OP is?).


No, sexual orientation is not based on genitalia, it's based on gender attraction. You can be attracted to someone of a given gender regardless of their genitalia. Gender is not derived from genitalia (and is not the same thing as biological sex either).

Also for what it's worth, suggesting someone attracted to a trans woman can't be considered straight because that implicitly assumes that trans women are not women and as such is inherently transphobic. As the definition of being straight/heterosexual is simply being attracted to someone of a different gender to you, which is the OP identifies as male and the trans woman in question identifies as female would put them in a heterosexual relationship if they were together. Whatever is in either persons pants is irrelevant...
Perceptions of what is normal or even logical vary a lot when it comes to issues directly connected with sexual attraction, relationship preferences and kinks.

Some guys do have a strong sexual preference for transgendered individuals of one biological sex or an attraction dealbreaker for transsexual individuals.
A few heterosexual, bisexual and pansexual guys have told me that they have some of these type of attraction dealbreakers.
Judging by the popularity of transgender porn, it is a lot more normal than most will admit.
Original post by artful_lounger
No, sexual orientation is not based on genitalia, it's based on gender attraction. You can be attracted to someone of a given gender regardless of their genitalia. Gender is not derived from genitalia (and is not the same thing as biological sex either).

Also for what it's worth, suggesting someone attracted to a trans woman can't be considered straight because that implicitly assumes that trans women are not women and as such is inherently transphobic. As the definition of being straight/heterosexual is simply being attracted to someone of a different gender to you, which is the OP identifies as male and the trans woman in question identifies as female would put them in a heterosexual relationship if they were together. Whatever is in either persons pants is irrelevant...


Interesting, I’ve always been under the impression that sexual orientation is to do with sex rather than gender.
This is probably why your project is important @becausethenight :redface:
Original post by Son of the Sea
Reading his other posts had me shuddering.


His? are you talking about me
Original post by Son of the Sea
^ #CreepyVibes

I agree super creepy
Original post by Jeanettemaree
His? are you talking about me


No, the Body Positivity account.
Original post by Son of the Sea
^ #CreepyVibes

Are you taking about him or me?
Original post by Jeanettemaree
Are you taking about him or me?


Him.
Original post by Jeanettemaree
When I mean transgendered I mean the trans hasn't had a sex change, I'm asking because a guy i use to date and when we broke up we continued to hook up then he asked if I wanted a threesome with a trans woman I was shocked


Someone shouldnt be with a trans person because they have a fetish for trans people. That is so dehumanising. You should be with someone who you like.
Original post by Jeanettemaree
When I mean transgendered I mean the trans hasn't had a sex change, I'm asking because a guy i use to date and when we broke up we continued to hook up then he asked if I wanted a threesome with a trans woman I was shocked

Well...what's normal? :tongue: People can use whatever labels they want to use - it's about you and how you define yourself, at the end of the day. There are cishet men who've had sex with men and are straight (and enough of them that it required epidemiology researchers to come up with a category for them, men who have sex with men)

I suspect what you mean is, "is my ex secretly gay", which... you'd have to ask him.

BTW, calling someone "the trans" doesn't come across as super polite.