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Heartbroken

My heart is breaking because of the adversity I've had to go through in life. I've been psychologically and emotionally bullied in school. People would treat me like an outcast for everything I did. I went to college gained no friends there. I think people thought i was weird. Is it normal not having friends from primary, secondary school and college? They have nothing to do with me. I remember I asked a girl for her number and she said she would give it me and when I reminded her about it she read my message and ignored it. That's how I'm being treated. I've been mercilessly humiliated for having crushes. When other people have crushes they don't get humiliated. I've been kicked for voicing my own opinion. And even when I did stick up for myself the bullying would become worse. I can honestly say ive gained trust issues and im heartbroken. I've never been in a relationship. I just feel apart from the world. I compare myself to other people that have had such a wonderful childhood. I know a lot of people don't remember their childhood because of the trauma they've gone through and its so sad because childhood years should be a lovely part of your life. Yet there are so many who go through childhood and its just gray. So far all throughout education its been a miserable, miserable place for me. I left high school because of i was diagnosed with a mental illness. When i told some of my friends who were fake about my illness they laughed in my face or blocked me on social media. I need help.... I go to therapy but I'm only allowed to have 6 sessions with this therapist and I need more than that as I'm so broken and there are a lot of places that need healing. I don't really have any friends I'm 19. I don't know what to do. I see people hanging out and I'm missing out on all these things. When I'm walking outside by myself I feel vulnerable because I'm on my own and it's honestly a lonely and fragile feeling. I do affirmations, I pray sometimes. I do everything to help myself. I mean I'm trying. I just need support. I'm supposed to be going to uni in a years time but I don't want to go. There have been so many things that have happened and I'm disgusted at this world and how horrid it is....
I’m sorry you feel like this, if you feel like you want to talk about anything I’d be happy to chat.
@JonathanPhillips hello, thank you for replying to my message. Honestly I don't know if life will get better. I'm doing everything I can. I feel so unloved by people it's hard to love yourself when you've been constantly told that you're not anything good. I know that people don't owe us anything. I hate my hometown though and when I leave I'm not coming back. It's a dump. For someone with bipolar I can't live the normal life that someone lives without my condition. I don't know if these things are happening because I have a higher purpose in life. I don't know I just wish I had the answers.
Original post by Monoanime
@JonathanPhillips hello, thank you for replying to my message. Honestly I don't know if life will get better. I'm doing everything I can. I feel so unloved by people it's hard to love yourself when you've been constantly told that you're not anything good. I know that people don't owe us anything. I hate my hometown though and when I leave I'm not coming back. It's a dump. For someone with bipolar I can't live the normal life that someone lives without my condition. I don't know if these things are happening because I have a higher purpose in life. I don't know I just wish I had the answers.


It must be difficult dealing with these struggles. I’d like to let you know that you are deserving of love, even when it feels like the world is against you, and I really hope things get better for you.

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