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Should I tell my exs new girlfriend that he’s talking to me

Me and my ex were together for almost 4 yrs. Within the first month, he asked me to move in. 2 months in he bought me an Engagement ring. At the time I thought that was weird but went along with it because I was in love. When he spoke about his previous relationships I suspected that they all overlapped because the dates didn’t add up. After a year, he was drunk and told me that he cheated on his ex that he was with for 10 yrs. When he sobered up, he told me I have no right to be upset about it because she was horrible to him, abusive and it has nothing to do with me because he learnt his lesson. He took no responsibility for it and blamed her.

The good times were great but the bad were awful. He was possessive, impulsive, the way he spoke to me was not good, even if I did something wrong he was nasty about it. I just held on to the good side of him.

We broke up amicably and agreed to stay friend while we figure out if we want this relationship. I didn’t reach out and after a while he blocked me everywhere but texts. We chatted over texts and met up several times. He gave me some bs excuse for blocking me, that I didn’t reach out and it was awkward but he still happily meet up and chat over text. I told him I suspect he has a new gf and just monkey branched but is hiding it. He didn’t comment on it.

Coincidentally, the same day he blocked me was the day he posted first pics of his gf (2-3 weeks after the break up). I still have him on my socials as he forgot to block my old account so I’ve seen everything. Whilst already with her, he was messaging me asking me if I’m seeing someone else, who I was out with, etc.

After the first 2 months of the break up I stopped all contact with him. He reached out after some time. He asked me some silly stuff like where something in his house was and i ignored it so he messaged again so I replied so he didn’t think I stole it.

Then after a few months he reached out again and we texted back and forth everyday for a month. Then i ended the conversation. He would tell me that he was doing something with his friends but in reality I saw pictures that the said thing was done with his gf. I never said anything and didn’t ask about his romantic life. I knew they moved in together into his new house a few months into their relationship.

At this point I felt like I’m far in the moving on process but maybe we can be friendly and he also has our dog. It would be nice to eventually maybe be able to see our (now his I guess) dog.

He reached out again on the day that would’ve been our anniversary which I thought was be weird. He didn’t acknowledge the date but just asked how I am and had general chit chat. He continued to text me for a month straight all day everyday. Even when the conversation was dying out and I stopped replying he would just send another text to keep it going.

I told him I had plans to go abroad and he asked me several times who I was going with but I didn’t specify names, just said he doesn’t know these people. He had a little tantrum and said he was just trying to talk but if I don’t want to then he won’t message me anymore. I didn’t react to it and just moved on to another topic.

Later, I was telling him about some gossip at work that people think I’m dating a colleague. And he asked me if I was dating them when I clearly specified that they’re false rumours.

Recently he told me that he’s travelling abroad. I asked him lots of questions like where, when, for how long, who with, etc. he said with some friends. I didn’t ask who specifically because I already knew he was lying and it’s none of my business really. He went away with his gf of 9 months and proposed to her exactly one month after our what would’ve been anniversary.

Part of me wants to have a somewhat of a friendship because we had some good times, a bond and he has the dog. I did think that maybe I’m still hoping for a relationship but when I reflect on it, i don’t. He wasn’t a good bf to me at all and I don’t want that again because I know he won’t change.

The reason why I haven’t blocked him on my old account is that I want to know when their anniversary is to get a better idea if he cheated on me. It doesn’t change things but it’s for my own peace of mind. Because if he has, I wouldn’t want even a superficial friendship of any kind.

I don’t understand why he goes above and beyond for me not to know about this girl. Because of that and that he talks to me a lot, I have a feeling that she doesn’t know he’s in contact with me. A huge part of me thinks, I don’t care enough and it’s not my business to tell her. But if I was in her shoes, I’d want someone to let me know. Also, I have no issues with being friends with exes as long as there’s no shady things going on and everyone is happy. When we were together at the start I told him I was mates with an ex because our relationship was childish and there are no feelings and probably never were. He almost broke up with over it and said he’s against it. Clearly he isn’t so much against it when it’s his ex. So yeah, to this day he thinks I don’t know about their relationship.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Should I say something to him? Should I let her know?
Reply 1
You should completely move on and not entertain him anymore. You seem really invested in him still, its sounding unhealthy.

If you tell his girlfriend, I bet he will convince her that you are just a crazy ex who still wants him and she will cling on to him even harder. You'll be wasting your time that could be invested somewhere else that benefits your life.
(edited 1 year ago)
I think you should tell her the truth. If it were you, would you want to know?

Show evidence of any contact if possible.

He can try and convince her all she likes. She may stand for it, she may not. At least you'll have told her.
Original post by xox416
You should completely move on and not entertain him anymore. You seem really invested in him still, its sounding unhealthy.

If you tell his girlfriend, I bet he will convince her that you are just a crazy ex who still wants him and she will cling on to him even harder. You'll be wasting your time that could be invested somewhere else that benefits your life.

Why do I sound that I’m unhealthy invested?
I don’t stalk them. I use my old account for other purposes but he posts very frequently so sometimes it comes up. So he’ll tell me he went to a cafe with so and so but then post a pic from the same day. I go on that account maybe once a week to post my art.
like I said I have him on there to see if he cheated. It doesn’t change the past but it would significantly change the future. I can’t say that I’m over the moon happy when I see stuff but I’m not deeply hurt by them either.

right now I’m down to a friendship because I feel like we were just not right for each other. I forgave him for the things he did for my own sake. However if he cheated that changes things and changes my opinion about him.

I do agree that if I reach out to her even with receipts it’s going to make me look crazy and like I’m just trying to get him back. That would be pointless

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