GF won't let me leave

My relationship with my gf has become more and more toxic. She is getting more and more controlling and rather abusive towards me.

She wanted to leave me last week. Having thought about it I have agreed to leave and I think being single is better for me so I can focus on myself and get my mental health back on track as I'm suffering a lot lately. She has backtracked and now refuses to leave, saying she won't ever give up and that she loves me. She's been crying down the phone begging me to stay, but I've made up my mind and I need to focus on myself (which I'm being guilt tripped into being called selfish). She promises to change and fix the issues, but they are never fixed and we end up going in circles and honestly it is tiring.

I don't know what to do other than go to the police because I feel it's borderline harassment. I don't really want to block her, but I can't carry on like this anymore.

It sounds like she's struggling with the breakup but you are absolutely entitled to leave a relationship if it's no longer healthy for you. I'd send her an email or message(so it doesn't turn into a back and forth) and just say you've thought a lot about your decision and it's not an easy one to make but you're sure it's the right choice and I'd just say that you feel it's best that you don't have contact for the next while to allow you both space to move on and heal. And wish her well. I'd also say that if she continues to contact you, you will block her to enforce your boundary. And then block if she contacts again. If you have mutual friends you could also get them to have a word.

Block her number and social media. But a final convo with her before that like meet up with her dont just do it suddenly unless it gets like really really bad. Don’t feel bad or pressured she just seems to be struggling but she will eventually get over the rs

Who is she a prison guard? Block all contact and call the police if she turns up at your address.

What if she hurts herself because I do that? I don't want her to get hurt.

No one can prevent you leaving. She only has that power as long as you give her permission to control you(r life) - so take that power back. Break-up and physically walk away / end the phone call / etc.

When my ex started crying and tried to guilt me with the same sob story that she used every time I had tried to end it with her I interrupted her with, "I'm sorry, but no, I cannot listen to this story again" and left. She probably thought I was a horrible person for that but oh well - sometimes we need to put our own needs first and that is never more true than when you're in a bad relationship. I'm now in a much happier and healthier relationship with a woman I am planning a future with.

Say that you want to end the relationship. Give your valid reasons. There is no negotiation on this, and you are not responsible for anything that happens afterwards, however, you would like her to stop contacting you for your mental health to recover and for you to be better off in the long run.

Then, say that you have a right to end the relationship because attempts to fix it have failed, and your feelings matter just as much as hers do. You still care about her, but your needs also matter. Tell her you’ll call the police if she keeps contacting you or making threats of violence, and if she threatens suicide, tell her you’ll call an ambulance.

Sign off with a clear ‘goodbye’ and end the call or walk away. You cannot lock yourself up for a ‘what if’.

It's hard, she keeps saying I don't care about her and that I'm disregarding her mental health by trying to leave which makes me feel guilty. I just have to put myself first.

Exactly. Say that there’s no trust, so although you care, the relationship is no longer healthy and is only harming you with its continuation. Being dependent on someone like this is also bad for mental health.

I think it's starting to get through. She seems to be calming down, but telling me she'll use dating apps presumably to make me jealous or try change my mind. I just said 'you do that, I'll continue to be single and fix my mental health'

Sounds like it’s going well!

It appears she's on a dating app showing me messages with a guy I've said idc, because why should I concern myself with what she chooses to do? Although I do find it a bit hurtful that she'd rather just go for a rebound rather than take time out. She can't be so 'heartbroken' like she claimed she was earlier otherwise she wouldn't be running to someone while the bed sheets are still warm.

She’s not going for the rebound. She’s trapping you in the relationship. It’s meant to make you hurt and jealous, but if you took her back, that random guy would be gone. He’ll probably be gone in a few days, anyway. Don’t be tricked by it.