The Student Room Group

Please advice im so stressed

This guy and I have been talking for over a month now on snap we are both teens. It was obvious we liked eachother so a few days ago he admitted it and I said it back. Then he started saying how much he loved me and that’s fine bc I said it back. But I just feel weird this is my first kinda thing we are both muslims too.
But like ever since then he has just been showering me with I love yous and calling me stuff like babes baby and im not used to be that. I’ll put my hands up and say I say it back to him in the moment and it’s fine but then after I just cringe.

I feel like he likes me a lot more than I like him and just idk now I feel like just put off it’s complicated bc I still love him and he makes me feel happy but then after I just be like wtf. Another weird thing we haven’t even met up so it feels even more weirder idk if we met up if it would make it better but we live in different towns although rn i am staying with my sister and it’s quite close to him.

I feel bad at the same time bc he says how he has never felt this way for a girl and missed her so much I feel the same way but now I don’t know if I do. I don’t want to stop talking to him but then I just sometimes wish we didn’t admit it bc he is just doing too much for me. I can’t step back and say slow down bc i will hurt him and I did respond to all the love he was giving out to me in a way so it would just be random to him and idk sometimes it’s just nice

Idk what to do and I don’t want to waste my first love with someone who I won’t end up marrying esp bc of my religion so I don’t want sins. It’s just idk I expected smth different and sometimes he is just too much for me but then sometimes I like it. Idk how to explain it and ik if someone saw our convos I would be embarrassed.
I wish he would just be more cool about it if u get what I mean

I don’t want to drop him but I don’t know what I want I am so confused and sometimes I get rlly overwhelmed thinking about it all. Im scared I would feel more alone without him bc I have put so much effort into him this summer than my own bsfs - even tho I know we would still talk if I hit them up anytime.

I just wished he would act slightly different and he talks about the day we meet up it would be the best day then he even went further and said about in the future abiut a wife. If u saw the convo it would seem that I was fine with it bc I say it all back to him - and idk I find it embarrassing for myself. But I just dk if it’s normal for I love u to be in the convo every 5 mins. I wish I could just meet up instead to see where this is going. Like I feel like I thought in life I would find my future h in like uni or smth not at this age. And we will meet so many ppl along the way if u get what I mean. He does dedicate a lot to me and the funny thing is after all this like we havent even said about gfs and bfs so idk what he thinks we are bc we act like we are.

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Hey few questions:

Is this the first person you've ever said "I love you" to (romantically) and would you say you are 'in love' with him ??
hey slay sister!! we think what you're experiencing is called the ick! we think maybe you like the attention, and not him (can't blame you tbh - we're both the same. its the hamartia of the most slay of us). what we've found is, thankfully enough, any boy will give you attention. there will be plenty more to come.

stay slaying bestie xoxo
h
Original post by Anonymous
hey slay sister!! we think what you're experiencing is called the ick! we think maybe you like the attention, and not him (can't blame you tbh - we're both the same. its the hamartia of the most slay of us). what we've found is, thankfully enough, any boy will give you attention. there will be plenty more to come.

stay slaying bestie xoxo

given that she literally said that she told him she loves him, id at least give her some useful advice lol. sounds like she wants to be with him but needs to tell him her boundaries and not to be so clingy. then, if he isn't okay with it, she should move on.

but obviously, stay slaying queen
Original post by Anonymous
h

given that she literally said that she told him she loves him, id at least give her some useful advice lol. sounds like she wants to be with him but needs to tell him her boundaries and not to be so clingy. then, if he isn't okay with it, she should move on.

but obviously, stay slaying queen

Hey slay girlie!
Firstly we are queens, plural. Secondly, we did give her useful advice - we stated some observations, based on the information she gave us, and let her do as she please with that response, rather than force or try to influence her decisions in her relationships. Slay sisters help, but ensure they are not overbearing, particularly on the internet. But, just for your satisfaction, we will discuss our hypothesis in more depth.

Right off the bat, OP tells us that both of them are teens, and rather inexperienced ones at that. This indicates a certain lack of emotional maturity (no offence OP - one of us was in the same position as you, and decided to ignore the red flags to go through what was one of the most emotionally taxing and toxic relationships we've heard of). More evidence to aid this observation is in the fact that they never met. It's difficult to love someone you have not physically met and been able to communicate with naturally - particularly when as inexperienced as OP is.

Furthermore, the idea that she is more likely to be enjoying the attention and feelings it gives her than actually want a committed relationship is made extremely clear in some of her final thoughts, in which she writes "Im scared I would feel more alone without him bc I have put so much effort into him this summer." This statement indicates that she is worried her efforts will have gone to waste should she end or express how she feels, rather than that she will lose him as a person and potential partner.

OP, once again, we tell you that one of us has gone through this, and we ask you this: would it be better to express your feelings, learn from experience, and therefore be more efficient at finding a suitable partner when the time comes, or stick around out of fear of being lonely. You are not alone, and as you have said, have some great best friends that you can rely on. They are the treasure of your teens. Do not take them for granted; nourish yourself and your relationships with them. Everything else will fall into place. Treat us as your older slay sisters.

But obviously, stay slaying queen xx
Original post by arthur23
Hey few questions:

Is this the first person you've ever said "I love you" to (romantically) and would you say you are 'in love' with him ??


Yesss it is
Original post by Anonymous
Hey slay girlie!
Firstly we are queens, plural. Secondly, we did give her useful advice - we stated some observations, based on the information she gave us, and let her do as she please with that response, rather than force or try to influence her decisions in her relationships. Slay sisters help, but ensure they are not overbearing, particularly on the internet. But, just for your satisfaction, we will discuss our hypothesis in more depth.

Right off the bat, OP tells us that both of them are teens, and rather inexperienced ones at that. This indicates a certain lack of emotional maturity (no offence OP - one of us was in the same position as you, and decided to ignore the red flags to go through what was one of the most emotionally taxing and toxic relationships we've heard of). More evidence to aid this observation is in the fact that they never met. It's difficult to love someone you have not physically met and been able to communicate with naturally - particularly when as inexperienced as OP is.

Furthermore, the idea that she is more likely to be enjoying the attention and feelings it gives her than actually want a committed relationship is made extremely clear in some of her final thoughts, in which she writes "Im scared I would feel more alone without him bc I have put so much effort into him this summer." This statement indicates that she is worried her efforts will have gone to waste should she end or express how she feels, rather than that she will lose him as a person and potential partner.

OP, once again, we tell you that one of us has gone through this, and we ask you this: would it be better to express your feelings, learn from experience, and therefore be more efficient at finding a suitable partner when the time comes, or stick around out of fear of being lonely. You are not alone, and as you have said, have some great best friends that you can rely on. They are the treasure of your teens. Do not take them for granted; nourish yourself and your relationships with them. Everything else will fall into place. Treat us as your older slay sisters.

But obviously, stay slaying queen xx


QUEEN IM SORRY. I never meant to be a nasty girlie but I just misread and misunderstood your original message :frown: cos im a dumb *****. ignore my stupid ass as I came off very rude and didn't mean to. continue to slay xox

ps good luck OP, im sure you'll make the right decision
Original post by Anonymous
h

given that she literally said that she told him she loves him, id at least give her some useful advice lol. sounds like she wants to be with him but needs to tell him her boundaries and not to be so clingy. then, if he isn't okay with it, she should move on.

but obviously, stay slaying queen


Heyyy thanks for the advice but I think I am scared of losing him as well bc what if he was the one I just rlly want to meet him now bc I feel as though it would make my feelings for him stronger if u understand what I mean. But at the same time I’m scared I won’t be what he expected and I can’t just ask him he has to ask me first. The thing is he has honestly never ever been even 1% rude to me or mean he is always so kind but sometimes his kindness might be too much for me which embarrasses me bc I respond back in that way as well


Y



Original post by Anonymous
Hey slay girlie!
Firstly we are queens, plural. Secondly, we did give her useful advice - we stated some observations, based on the information she gave us, and let her do as she please with that response, rather than force or try to influence her decisions in her relationships. Slay sisters help, but ensure they are not overbearing, particularly on the internet. But, just for your satisfaction, we will discuss our hypothesis in more depth.

Right off the bat, OP tells us that both of them are teens, and rather inexperienced ones at that. This indicates a certain lack of emotional maturity (no offence OP - one of us was in the same position as you, and decided to ignore the red flags to go through what was one of the most emotionally taxing and toxic relationships we've heard of). More evidence to aid this observation is in the fact that they never met. It's difficult to love someone you have not physically met and been able to communicate with naturally - particularly when as inexperienced as OP is.

Furthermore, the idea that she is more likely to be enjoying the attention and feelings it gives her than actually want a committed relationship is made extremely clear in some of her final thoughts, in which she writes "Im scared I would feel more alone without him bc I have put so much effort into him this summer." This statement indicates that she is worried her efforts will have gone to waste should she end or express how she feels, rather than that she will lose him as a person and potential partner.

OP, once again, we tell you that one of us has gone through this, and we ask you this: would it be better to express your feelings, learn from experience, and therefore be more efficient at finding a suitable partner when the time comes, or stick around out of fear of being lonely. You are not alone, and as you have said, have some great best friends that you can rely on. They are the treasure of your teens. Do not take them for granted; nourish yourself and your relationships with them. Everything else will fall into place. Treat us as your older slay sisters.

But obviously, stay slaying queen xx
Original post by Anonymous
QUEEN IM SORRY. I never meant to be a nasty girlie but I just misread and misunderstood your original message :frown: cos im a dumb *****. ignore my stupid ass as I came off very rude and didn't mean to. continue to slay xox

ps good luck OP, im sure you'll make the right decision

Anonymous number three? More like Anonymous number QUEEN.

We apologise too - we got overexcited (we're super passionate about TSR) It was a misunderstanding on both ends, but like the slayifiers we are, we continue to bond and thrive together. We love you. Hope you slay forever xx
Original post by Anonymous
Anonymous number three? More like Anonymous number QUEEN.

We apologise too - we got overexcited (we're super passionate about TSR) It was a misunderstanding on both ends, but like the slayifiers we are, we continue to bond and thrive together. We love you. Hope you slay forever xx

thanks and im sorry again queen
ps please tell me you're a swiftie
Original post by Anonymous
thanks and im sorry again queen
ps please tell me you're a swiftie


OF COURSE WE AREEE!! How could we slay if we weren't? You should've seen how excited you just made us!! Hope you've been listening to August and slaying xx team anti-james 4ever
Original post by Anonymous
OF COURSE WE AREEE!! How could we slay if we weren't? You should've seen how excited you just made us!! Hope you've been listening to August and slaying xx team anti-james 4ever


of course but I listen to folklore all year round cos when I slay I slay with Taylor <3
Original post by Anonymous
of course but I listen to folklore all year round cos when I slay I slay with Taylor <3

We are obsessed with you. So glad we got over our slaystcles (slay obstacles) and found love. stay slaying queen xx
Reply 13
Drop him for the sake of Allah, Dating is haram sister and if you tell him it’s for this reason since he’s a muslim he should be able to understand. Anything further can lead to major sins such as zina. Most people in these comments aren’t muslim so you should take their advice lightly. May Allah help you
Original post by bcusz
Drop him for the sake of Allah, Dating is haram sister and if you tell him it’s for this reason since he’s a muslim he should be able to understand. Anything further can lead to major sins such as zina. Most people in these comments aren’t muslim so you should take their advice lightly. May Allah help you

They’re both Muslims, but they’re both old enough to make their own decisions. You’re allowed to get to know someone in company, I’m pretty sure.

Anyway, the problem sounds like love bombing. It can be a little bit cringy, awkward, smothering, sometimes nice, and confusing. It’s not necessarily bad on its own, but it might make you feel like you have to live up to expectations that don’t exist. It can also sometimes give you ‘the ick’. After all, you’ve never even met each other in real life. It’s not wrong to ask for things to go slowly.
Reply 15
Original post by SagaciousSag
They’re both Muslims, but they’re both old enough to make their own decisions. You’re allowed to get to know someone in company, I’m pretty sure.

Anyway, the problem sounds like love bombing. It can be a little bit cringy, awkward, smothering, sometimes nice, and confusing. It’s not necessarily bad on its own, but it might make you feel like you have to live up to expectations that don’t exist. It can also sometimes give you ‘the ick’. After all, you’ve never even met each other in real life. It’s not wrong to ask for things to go slowly.


You can’t “keep company” of someone of the opposite sex in islam. You need a mahram meaning someone who can help you get to know each other and IRL not online. They’re old enough sure but they asked for advice and i gave it them since they’re both muslims am not forcing them. You’re right about the other stuff though am just warning her to not continue in the relationship for both of their sakes.
Original post by bcusz
You can’t “keep company” of someone of the opposite sex in islam. You need a mahram meaning someone who can help you get to know each other and IRL not online. They’re old enough sure but they asked for advice and i gave it them since they’re both muslims am not forcing them. You’re right about the other stuff though am just warning her to not continue in the relationship for both of their sakes.

Not everyone follows their religion strictly, not everyone fasts, not everyone abstains from drinking/smoking/drugs/sex. It may be haram, but you can believe what you want to believe. We don’t force our own beliefs on others, but I appreciate that you are only trying to shed light on the situation. Try to make suggestions rather than directions.
Reply 17
Original post by Anonymous
Not everyone follows their religion strictly, not everyone fasts, not everyone abstains from drinking/smoking/drugs/sex. It may be haram, but you can believe what you want to believe. We don’t force our own beliefs on others, but I appreciate that you are only trying to shed light on the situation. Try to make suggestions rather than directions.

That’s a horrible excuse. I don’t force my belief on anyone and even if i tried it wouldn’t make sense since we’re both muslim? In islam you’re either a muslim or not you can’t pick and choose rules to follow. If you chose to ignore a rule purposely you’re a disbeliever. I can see why you say this since alot of religions do that.
Original post by bcusz
That’s a horrible excuse. I don’t force my belief on anyone and even if i tried it wouldn’t make sense since we’re both muslim? In islam you’re either a muslim or not you can’t pick and choose rules to follow. If you chose to ignore a rule purposely you’re a disbeliever. I can see why you say this since alot of religions do that.

Several denominations of Islam exist with their own understanding of Islam. Within many, there’s also sub branches so it’s not as straightforward.
Reply 19
Original post by Burnitdown
Several denominations of Islam exist with their own understanding of Islam. Within many, there’s also sub branches so it’s not as straightforward.


The main 2 are shia and sunni. Not to mention EVERY branch of islam is against dating and zina so once again, horrible excuse. Over 90% of muslims are sunni the rest being whatever

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