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dating people with autism

How do neurotypical people (men in particular) feel about dating girls or people with autism? I've been worried it will be a deal breaker for other people since I suppose there's a bigger responsibility on the partner to take care of them or be aware of them. I feel really bad sometimes, as there are certain things I feel I wouldn't be able to do in a relationship that could be a dealbreaker, or that being around me and having to weather my tendencies, and accept that I can't do things that other neurotypicals can could be too much for another person.

Opinions? It's really been getting me down recently.

(repost because i put it in the wrong thread last time)
It depends on the person! There are some valid reasons for why some people might not be comfortable dating somebody with autism, however, the person that’s right for you will be someone who’s willing to work through all the challenges, and there WILL be people who are. If someone wouldn’t want to date you because you’re autistic, that’s okay, it’s nothing to do with you and it’s not your fault, they’re just not the right person for you.
I've dated a woman with autism before, and my current partner believes she is autistic (although she doesn't wish to get this confirmed, and that's fine). When you care about someone enough you are prepared to work with it to make things easier for them.

Keep in mind that dating absolutely anyone long-term comes with its own set of challenges. Everyone has a past, a medical history, and will continuously come up against obstacles in their personal and professional lives. You need to work together on them for a relationship to last.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Sbjx
It depends on the person! There are some valid reasons for why some people might not be comfortable dating somebody with autism, however, the person that’s right for you will be someone who’s willing to work through all the challenges, and there WILL be people who are. If someone wouldn’t want to date you because you’re autistic, that’s okay, it’s nothing to do with you and it’s not your fault, they’re just not the right person for you.

thank you! this is so reassuring :smile:
Reply 4
My mother shows ASD symptoms (never pursued a diagnosis because her generation “wasn’t” ASD)
but she and my dad are solidly together. Always have been. They have abilities that complement each others’ limitations. Yes neurotypicals have limitations too :smile: - mum makes ASD look like a super power sometimes.

I have no doubt there’s someone for you. You just have to find them :smile:
Original post by Mortey
My mother shows ASD symptoms (never pursued a diagnosis because her generation “wasn’t” ASD)
but she and my dad are solidly together. Always have been. They have abilities that complement each others’ limitations. Yes neurotypicals have limitations too :smile: - mum makes ASD look like a super power sometimes.

I have no doubt there’s someone for you. You just have to find them :smile:

That's so kind. Thank you very much. It sounds stupid but after all these kind messages, I have a bit of faith again, haha!
I have had one girlfriend and she was autistic. We broke up but it definitely wasn't because of her autism. I'd do it again. It sounds like you have a lot of insight into the way your mind works which will probably help in any relationship you get into.

As others have said, there will probably be people who won't want to date you because of your autism and that's fine. Even putting autism aside, not everyone is a perfect fit for everyone and that's okay.
I have no problem dating someone with autism. It’s all cool if we got the right energy and connection. You shouldn’t hide yourself because of someone else. The happiest relationship are the ones that you can enjoy being who you are.
That's so nice to hear. I hope I meet someone as laid back and accepting as you are someday ^^
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
I have had one girlfriend and she was autistic. We broke up but it definitely wasn't because of her autism. I'd do it again. It sounds like you have a lot of insight into the way your mind works which will probably help in any relationship you get into.

As others have said, there will probably be people who won't want to date you because of your autism and that's fine. Even putting autism aside, not everyone is a perfect fit for everyone and that's okay.


You're totally right. I've had to be aware of my mind and how it works because I spent most of my life undiagnosed. I suppose that's also why I'm so aware of how difficult I can be to handle and keep up with sometimes. Thank you for replying, I appreciate it ^^
I'm autistic and have never dated yet, but I've been practicing some things to help me be a better date someday when I'm ready for that. For example:

I don't see the line until I've crossed it. So I ask my friends to let me know when I'm getting close to crossing some line I'm unaware of. Maybe I could be brave enough to warn my date... hopefully I'd be dating a friend who already knows.

A noisy environment is very bad for me. I can't filter out background noise like neurotypical kids can do quite naturally. I'm working on developing that skill "artificially" by listening to an orchestra play. I have the musical score (sheet music) for one instrument and use the score to locate and distinguish that single part from all the others. It's actually working! But it will take time to teach myself that way of listening. On a date, I would need a quiet environment, as free of "neural noise" as possible.
Original post by Artim
I'm autistic and have never dated yet, but I've been practicing some things to help me be a better date someday when I'm ready for that. For example:

I don't see the line until I've crossed it. So I ask my friends to let me know when I'm getting close to crossing some line I'm unaware of. Maybe I could be brave enough to warn my date... hopefully I'd be dating a friend who already knows.

A noisy environment is very bad for me. I can't filter out background noise like neurotypical kids can do quite naturally. I'm working on developing that skill "artificially" by listening to an orchestra play. I have the musical score (sheet music) for one instrument and use the score to locate and distinguish that single part from all the others. It's actually working! But it will take time to teach myself that way of listening. On a date, I would need a quiet environment, as free of "neural noise" as possible.


Since getting my diagnosis, I've had to reevaluate a lot of things that I do and how they may affect people I'm friends with, so I understand what you're saying. I think the hardest thing for me so far has been managing my hyperfixations on people because they can be overwhelming for everyone involved. I managed to get through the last one without the person realising, which was a relief.

I wish sorting out my problems was as easy as listening to orchestra music, it's really cool that you've managed to do that. I just know there are so many things that a future boyfriend would have to keep in mind with me, and it worries me. Because they're small things, but they could singlehandedly ruin my day. And they're things that I can't train away. Everyone on the thread has been so kind and helpful, so I'm not as upset as I was before, but obviously, there's still a little niggling voice reminding me.

That being said, it's nice to know there are so many nice people in the world. Maybe I'll get lucky and meet a guy who doesn't mind dealing with all my idiosyncrasies. ^^
I do indeed know what you mean. When I can't escape the "neural noise," I drown it out with some noise of my own! Then I've really messed up, lol.

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