Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

good friend... feels a little too close

i have a good friend. we've only been friends for about two years which is a lot shorter in comparison than a lot of my other friendships. despite the fact he's dating one of my friends, we've always had a good friendship that's surprisingly not awkward.

i'm a straight girl fyi and he's a straight guy so i feel that people like the jump on the bandwagon that he's cheating on his girlfriend with me and stuff like that

but idk it's always been a good friendship that i've cherished but as time goes on i can't tell if he's a very affectionate guy or if he has some underlying romantic feelings. he's always saying he wants to call me to talk about things. there have been a few too many times when he reaches out to me instead of his girlfriend. his birthday and christmas cards read like letters of devotion. he dotes on me a lot, flexes my achievements to his family, pats my head. i don't know, i feel like i'm reading too much into things and maybe he just really is an affectionate friend but there are times when i get surprised that he talks to me about things rather than his girlfriend

Reply 1

Muttly

Only time will tell - but what makes you know he is an 'affectionate' guy? You clearly have doubts about him. Does that mean his outlook toward other girls is free and easy?

If he were to be your boyfriend would he do the same to other girls while still seeing you? Does he use some girls for sex, others for conversation?

The 'letters of devotion' do sound rather strange and a little possessive. This an eye opener for what it could be like if you were to have a relationship with this man?

You have your eyes open and don't seem likely to be blinded by love. Something is telling me you enjoy the focus of his offloads and quiet attention, but worry that he still has another girlfriend. If you return his 'affections' there is no going back if that relationship breaks down. Your friendship will be altered forever.

I would tread carefully and trust your gut instincts. If everything was ok you wouldn't be posting here? Just because someone is there and available doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them. There are billions of eligible men out there so don't rush in and believe everything to find a suitor has to be a done deal by tomorrow. Be selective, be picky and set your bar high. That way you achieve happiness not misery when you are together. Pick up on your bad choice, bad decision prospect when the warning signs are all there before you dive headlong into a relationship with someone who is 'flawed' - wait for the man who has no concerning character flaws and ticks all the boxes for you.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

i've had a boyfriend while being his friend fyi. i don't feel any romantic attraction to him and he feels more like family to me. i could never see me dating him. i just don't know if he is an affectionate person or if he might have underlying feelings since it seems to me and his friends that he puts a priority on me.