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    That sort of thing... so many more sophisticated ways of starting a personal statement...
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    "[Insert quote here]"
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    I would allow people to peek at the opening of my personal statement, though it is so exclusive and unique, someone would plagiarize me.
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    (Original post by Barry Chuckle)
    I would allow people to peek at the opening of my personal statement, though it is so exclusive and unique, someone would plagiarize me.
    So much for modesty...:p:

    From my experience, if a PS is perceived as being cheesy then it's been badly written. No point worrying about the cheesiness of other peoples PS when any admissions tutor would instantly see it.
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    And in my experience, when someone thinks they have an original well-written statement, it is usually the most cliche-ridden piece of ungrammatical, badly spelt rubbish you can imagine.
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    I think its wonderful. Plus engineers are very much in demand so I could probably get away with a clich-ridden piece of ungrammatical, badly spelt rubbish, like my friend 'Good bloke' there, but mine is superb. :yes:
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    I look forward to reviewing it.
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    (Original post by LH123)
    "Ever since I was born I had a great desire to study [blahblah]"?
    I know that 'ever since I was born' is a bit of an exaggeration, but sometimes it is true that a person has always connected with a subject; it's not a lie for me to say that there has not been a time since I started school that I have not been interested in History (argh TRIPLE negative :p: )... especially with the less vocational subjects which are geared towards entering a particular career, I think it's important to show that a true love of the subject is what motivates you.

    Then again I might just be being truly and desperately naive. :rolleyes:

    And the OP is coming across as mildly arrogant; I don't think all of the PS's online are "cheesy", and the whole point of a Personal Statement is to tell the universities why they should accept you; over-modesty probably isn't advisable. Nor is over-selling yourself, but you need to be able to show off what you've got to offer without sounding overly pompous. It is tough but if you want offers you sadly have to 'play the game' because everyone else does... :o:
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    It was an extreme example, yes.

    Fair enough to say you've been interested it through your school life, as long as you have reasons why.
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    (Original post by HoVis)
    I think it's important to show that a true love of the subject is what motivates you.

    Then again I might just be being truly and desperately naive. :rolleyes:
    Show, yes; tell, ideally not.
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    (Original post by LH123)
    "Ever since I was born I had a great desire to study [blahblah]"?
    I read a law one that ended with "there I plead guilty beyond reasonable doubt that I wish to study at your university".

    Ugh. How I cringed reading that.
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    (Original post by ѕнαℓiηα)
    I read a law one that ended with "there I plead guilty beyond reasonable doubt that I wish to study at your university".

    Ugh. How I cringed reading that.
    I bet the admissions tutor did too.
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    Do you think this cheesy?

    What inspires me most about chemistry is how hard it is to imagine how anything can be
    explained without the aid of a chemist. I believe this is really encapsulated by Luciano
    Caglioti: 'Chemistry is one of the broadest branches of science, if for no other reason than
    that, when we think about it, everything is chemistry.' It really is a central subject that
    supports most of biology and medicine and shapes many contemporary ideas from global warming to anti-cancer drugs.
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    I read a law one that ended with "there I plead guilty beyond reasonable doubt that I wish to study at your university"
    My eyes just burst.
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    I was getting annoying with it as well, I had written about 5 copies and still wasn't happy. Every ps I looked through seemed to start with 'As a child I have always had a great passion for...' or 'i am made for this job'. In the end I just wrote everything down and did the best I could and posted it here, I think that was on Tuesday, and I've already has help
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    (Original post by Barry Chuckle)
    For the record I have re wrote my PS and I'm quite pleased with it.
    I have played it simplish (that is not a word), kept it babble free and been quite modest.
    Careful though, my mate Phil applied to Cambridge and first year didn't get in, and they said it was because of his personal statement, it was an excellent PS but it was basically because he was far too modest (he hates talking about himself); next year he basically didn't change it except to 'big himself up' a bit, and he got in. Obviously it's going to be different in every case, but yeah; be careful!
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    me too
    i cant seem to nail it - it just seems so fake and irrelevant
    im applying for a competitive degree at a competitive uni
    even though i will exceed the typical offer of AAB - its not enough
    and i really need the personal statement to be spot on
    gah why is this so hard
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    (Original post by DeanK2)
    Do you think this cheesy?

    What inspires me most about chemistry is how hard it is to imagine how anything can be
    explained without the aid of a chemist. I believe this is really encapsulated by Luciano
    Caglioti: 'Chemistry is one of the broadest branches of science, if for no other reason than
    that, when we think about it, everything is chemistry.' It really is a central subject that
    supports most of biology and medicine and shapes many contemporary ideas from global warming to anti-cancer drugs.
    It has rather complicated phrasing, which makes it difficult to read. It is untrue, as any physicist will tell you. Finally, you aren't saying much yourself, as you have wasted space talking about what Cagliottii said. The admissions tutor wants to read what you have to say, not what some famous person you have googled had to say.
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    (Original post by ѕнαℓiηα)
    I read a law one that ended with "there I plead guilty beyond reasonable doubt that I wish to study at your university".

    Ugh. How I cringed reading that.
    Lol!!! I like the opener to a Philosophy one that someone suggested on a 'jokes in PS' thread:

    "I am, therefore I think I want to study philosophy"

    My friend applying for Philosophy didn't like that one for some reason... wonder why? :p:
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    When I did mine I had been doing it for weeks and I got sick of re-doing it over and over so one day I just sent it. I kinda wish I had spent a bit longer on it. So yeh make sure you won't regret not making it better. But it can never be perfect.
 
 
 
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