Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    so for 2 years up until 2 weeks before i started 6th form (so most of 6th form) i was majorly bulimic, to the point i'd throw up multiple times a day everyday. since coming to uni, i share a bathroom and therefore can't throw up without people hearing. it's really stressing me out, i have been sick a few times when noones been around though. i've eaten less but not lost any weight just cos my body hates me like that. so yea dunno my point really, just stressed cos it's on my mind. noone knows about it so it's really hard it being a secret but i don't want to tell any of my flatmates cos as soon as people know they watch you like a hawk. don't know how long i can hold out before i'm finding dark alleys to go out and puke in. its stressing me out that im not losing weight but the idea of me eating normally is prespostrous (sp?) i wouldnt know where to begin eating properly, i havent for 2 years.

    just for the record on an average day i will eat 500 ish cals usually comprising of yoghurt, fruit and cereal. sometimes i have a jacket potato too but ive stopped being able to finish them without feeling really ill.
    today i binged on cereal which was 2000 cals on top of the 300 i'd already eaten today. so i threw it up (although only got a bit up before interrupted by flatmate)

    so tomorrow im going to fast hopefully to make up for it.

    uh yea no point to this really, just needed to tell someone what i'm going through even if it is a bunch of anonymous people on an internet forum!

    oh and don't sugest the docs or counselling. been there done that, didnt help and im reserving it for if i ever get to how bad i was before, what im going through now is nowhere near as bad as what i was going through before uni. also, last time i went to a therapist i wasnt overly skinny and she told me i was making it up basically.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I know you don't want to hear suggestions of a doctor but you need some serious help. You are slowly getting obsessed about the need to throw up, and that your not losing weight, the obsession is not good and it is so unhealthy.

    If you carry on you will kill yourself. You need some serious help.

    And your flatmates will probably realise sooner than you think, if they see you losing weight and at some point they will hear you throwing up, the penny will drop.
    • #2
    #2

    can you put on the tap? i am in a similar position and i know how stressful it is!
    It sounds like your therapist wasn't very understanding or professional at all and i'm sorry because it was really brave to take that step!
    i really hope if your situation doesn't get better for you that you can maybe confide in somebody not necessarily a therapist but a friend. wish you the best!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    can you put on the tap? i am in a similar position and i know how stressful it is!
    Your kind of encouraging her! I understand your in a similar position but it sounds like you know that whatever your doing isnt good, so encouragement is hardly the way to go
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Jordan1990)
    Your kind of encouraging her! I understand your in a similar position but it sounds like you know that whatever your doing isnt good, so encouragement is hardly the way to go
    I know it's a bad habit but after a binge, once you have been sick you feel so much better, even as a one off. the OP has a bad relationship with food which goes back years and won't just be cured overnight i would just like them to be more comfortable and happy for the moment. I'm sure the OP has already considered ways to hide the noise anyway
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    How much cereal did you eat?!

    That aside, I'm gonna echo Jordan here. Please, please, please (and this goes for you as well, Anon 2) get some help. Doesn't have to be a doctor, doesn't have to be a counsellor. Could be a flatmate, an old friend, someone you meet in a club (though I'd suggest getting to know them a bit better before telling them all your issues!). From what you're saying, I think it's a lot more than Bulimia.

    Please don't fast tomorrow - Set yourself an aim, like eating one banana before say, 11, then between 11 and 3 eating a couple of pieces of toast, then by 7 having eaten a yoghurt or something. Did you know you lose more weight when you eat healthily and exercise regularly?

    ETA - Anon 2, you're spot on the money there. Anon 1 has a very complex relationship with food that none of us can truly help with, but a mental health care professional can.
    • #3
    #3

    Same here. I was in halls first year and had my own en-suite so it was fine, but this year i am finding it more and more stressful to hide it from my four housemates. I think i do a good job, i am quiet and quick and don't need to use hands, but sometimes i say i am going for a shower and do it while running the water.

    I know how horrible it is to have to deal with all of this. I feel so ashamed and worry constantly that people know, because i eat meals and then more in my room usually before throwing up. It's disgusting. I actually do wish i could just eat small amounts and not have to cope with the hassle of it all. Are you seeing anyone in the way of support? A therapist or anything? Do the uni know you have an eating disorder? Unfortunately i had to go into hospital after my weight got too low last year so everyone found out in that respect - though not sure whether many people know that purging is my main issue really.

    Please try to be safe. xxx
    • #3
    #3

    Gah sorry just read over your post again and saw the bits about none of your friends knowing and councilling etc...honestly, before coming to uni i felt the same, that i had tried everything and nothing could help. But then i started seeing a new therapist through a referral from my uni GP and she has really helped me, also uni have been greatly understanding and helpful. I was worried about not being taken seriously as it is a mental issue and not one you can see but that was not the case.

    I urge you to just consider perhaps opening up to someone. Even just one person at first. Who is your closest friend there?

    I also worry about you not having medical attention like regular bloods and such because purging often can seriously mess your electolytes and such up. Are you registered with a GP at uni? All you can do is try talking to them and if it doesn't help you have lost nothing, seeing a doctor will be completely confidential, you have nothing to lose, seriously think about it.

    I understand and i am sorry for you x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    hey thnks for replies. kissmenow- i ate a 500 gram box with 400 cals per 100 grams. so 5x400= 1000! lol dont be surprised, thts not much for a binge! my uni do know cos i had a letter about mitigating circumstances to get in but noones mentioned it since im here. yea next year in a house freaks me out, as does the idea of going home for christmas, i know itll all kick off! if i had the opportunity to puke after every meal here i would so i dont know what i'll do at home with lots of opportunity.
    but seeing as the weight is refusing to shift, hopefully noone needs to know.
    hmmm miht see a uni counsellor but in the past ive had such bad experiences
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I really hope you can get the strength from inside yourself to see a Uni counsellor.

    I'm thinking about going to mine (for different reasons) but am seriously chickening out... How about, you go to yours, I'll go to mine :p:

    Good luck :hugs:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    oh and anon 3, i cant tell any of my closest friends cos then theyll watch me and stuff and also ive tried so hard to put them off the scent so far theyd be like wtf if i suddenly said i had a prob (ive been all like oh isnt it so bad when ppl do tht etc ). i had regular bloods for a year but they were always ok so im assuming im resilient enough! ive seen my gp about constipation, insomnia and missed periods since being here and he's proved rather unhelpful! lol there are specialists i can see but im not ready for full recovery if tht makes sense
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    That aside, I'm gonna echo Jordan here. Please, please, please (and this goes for you as well, Anon 2) get some help.
    Thankyou

    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Please don't fast tomorrow - Set yourself an aim, like eating one banana before say, 11, then between 11 and 3 eating a couple of pieces of toast, then by 7 having eaten a yoghurt or something. Did you know you lose more weight when you eat healthily and exercise regularly?
    I think this is a very good idea and a step to going towards controlling your bulimia.

    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    ETA - Anon 2, you're spot on the money there. Anon 1 has a very complex relationship with food that none of us can truly help with, but a mental health care professional can.
    Exactly
    The thing with eating disorders is they get you psychologically, OP you seem to be aware that you have a problem, though I am not sure you are aware just how serious it is already and can be into the future. Of course you can only begin to get professional help when you admit you need and want it, unless people choose to be drastic and force you to be helped and I don't think you or anyone wants that

    Please get help!
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    so for 2 years up until 2 weeks before i started 6th form (so most of 6th form) i was majorly bulimic, to the point i'd throw up multiple times a day everyday. since coming to uni, i share a bathroom and therefore can't throw up without people hearing. it's really stressing me out, i have been sick a few times when noones been around though. i've eaten less but not lost any weight just cos my body hates me like that. so yea dunno my point really, just stressed cos it's on my mind. noone knows about it so it's really hard it being a secret but i don't want to tell any of my flatmates cos as soon as people know they watch you like a hawk. don't know how long i can hold out before i'm finding dark alleys to go out and puke in. its stressing me out that im not losing weight but the idea of me eating normally is prespostrous (sp?) i wouldnt know where to begin eating properly, i havent for 2 years.

    just for the record on an average day i will eat 500 ish cals usually comprising of yoghurt, fruit and cereal. sometimes i have a jacket potato too but ive stopped being able to finish them without feeling really ill.
    today i binged on cereal which was 2000 cals on top of the 300 i'd already eaten today. so i threw it up (although only got a bit up before interrupted by flatmate)

    so tomorrow im going to fast hopefully to make up for it.

    uh yea no point to this really, just needed to tell someone what i'm going through even if it is a bunch of anonymous people on an internet forum!

    oh and don't sugest the docs or counselling. been there done that, didnt help and im reserving it for if i ever get to how bad i was before, what im going through now is nowhere near as bad as what i was going through before uni. also, last time i went to a therapist i wasnt overly skinny and she told me i was making it up basically.
    Sorry to hear what you're going through, this advice may help but i'm not an expert on this at all.

    When you don't eat the right amount of calories for your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate), your body goes into "Survival Mode".

    This means you will NOT lose weight at all, and may even put it on.

    You need to be eating your BMR, and then exercise on top of that, and you will lose weight down to the point of being healthy.


    E.g. My BMR is 1800 calories (I am a bit overweight).

    If I ate 1800 calories, and then exercised, I would lose weight, might be slow, might be quick, but once you've got muscle building up your metabolism increases and weight loss is faster.


    Please, please, please don't make yourself vomit, you can cause extreme damage to your eusophagus (sp!) because of the strength of your stomach acid, possibly leading to Eusophogeal cancer.
    • #3
    #3

    I understand that. I don't want my housemates knowing for the same reasons, it's just awkward and too hard to get around people trying to stop you and such. One of my housemates sort of knows i have issues with my weight and also depression but sort of thinks most ot it is in the past because that is how i make it out to be, it's just so much easier that way. I have never talked about purging with anyone here, i just feel so ashamed.

    & yep totally understand what you mean by not wanting full recovery. Me either, otherwise i would weigh a normal weight and eat and keep my food down, heh! I am sick of this life but it's so much a part of me now, which is sad yeah, but true. Sometimes you just need to have someone you can talk to even if you don't want to totally change, my therapist is good for that. It's about finding a balance between having your ed and being able to do your work and get through uni, sometimes i do feel the ed is winning and that is even with the support i get at uni, that is why i worry. It just seems you are more able to sink without some sort of support network around you if that makes sense.

    Another issue i have is that i spend far too much money on food and am constantly broke because of it . Do you deal with that at all?

    Hang in there...i wish i could somehow pm you but obviously you don't want to out yourself and neither do i...lol, oh well!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand that. I don't want my housemates knowing for the same reasons, it's just awkward and too hard to get around people trying to stop you and such. One of my housemates sort of knows i have issues with my weight and also depression but sort of thinks most ot it is in the past because that is how i make it out to be, it's just so much easier that way. I have never talked about purging with anyone here, i just feel so ashamed.

    & yep totally understand what you mean by not wanting full recovery. Me either, otherwise i would weigh a normal weight and eat and keep my food down, heh! I am sick of this life but it's so much a part of me now, which is sad yeah, but true. Sometimes you just need to have someone you can talk to even if you don't want to totally change, my therapist is good for that. It's about finding a balance between having your ed and being able to do your work and get through uni, sometimes i do feel the ed is winning and that is even with the support i get at uni, that is why i worry. It just seems you are more able to sink without some sort of support network around you if that makes sense.

    Another issue i have is that i spend far too much money on food and am constantly broke because of it . Do you deal with that at all?

    Hang in there...i wish i could somehow pm you but obviously you don't want to out yourself and neither do i...lol, oh well!
    If the other person agrees a moderator could probably PM both of you each others usernames.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 13, 2008
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.