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How to tell a girl you find specific things about her unattractive Watch

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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    no. I just can't believe that anyone whose attitude toward women is like that could be in a healthy relationship. I mean, it's just rude.
    Then I recommend that you grow up, my dear.

    I'm really not trying to be insulting, and my tone is one of calm consideration, however it may appear to you.

    But if you feel that honesty is not contributive to a healthy relationship, then I suggest you read up a little bit about how the best relationships work and last. Lying is not forbidden - it really depends on what you lie about. Your partner's appearance is something very important to you... and they also want to please you. Telling them what pleases you only makes their job easier.

    My earlier post to chaywa on communication may help illuminate my meaning when I mentioned the tone of a phrase.
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    (Original post by Demon_AS)
    Then I recommend that you grow up, my dear.

    I'm really not trying to be insulting, and my tone is one of calm consideration, however it may appear to you.

    But if you feel that honesty is not contributive to a healthy relationship, then I suggest you read up a little bit about how the best relationships work and last. Lying is not forbidden - it really depends on what you lie about. Your partner's appearance is something very important to you... and they also want to please you. Telling them what pleases you only makes their job easier.

    My earlier post to chaywa on communication may help illuminate my meaning when I mentioned the tone of a phrase.
    it's not honesty, it's rudeness. plain, outright, rudeness.

    if my boyfriend felt the need to, unprompted, tell me what about my physical appearance he didn't like, and suggest that I changed how I dressed and how I did my make-up. I would really have to resist the urge to punch him in the face.

    I would really be very shocked if you'd maintained a relationship with this sort of attitude. to use my own boyfriend as an example again, if he thought that pleasing him was my JOB, and that he had free reign to tell me to alter this and that about my appearance to suit him - again, I would be very unhappy with the boy.

    I would honestly be amazed if you'd managed to maintain a relationship with a girl, whilst being so cavalier about her feelings, and speaking to her in this way.
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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    it's not honesty, it's rudeness. plain, outright, rudeness.

    if my boyfriend felt the need to, unprompted, tell me what about my physical appearance he didn't like, and suggest that I changed how I dressed and how I did my make-up. I would really have to resist the urge to punch him in the face.

    I would really be very shocked if you'd maintained a relationship with this sort of attitude. to use my own boyfriend as an example again, if he thought that pleasing him was my JOB, and that he had free reign to tell me to alter this and that about my appearance to suit him - again, I would be very unhappy with the boy.

    I would honestly be amazed if you'd managed to maintain a relationship with a girl, whilst being so cavalier about her feelings, and speaking to her in this way.
    Seriously, it's like you're picking and choosing what I'm saying and twisting it to suit your argument.

    Fundamentally, my message was "just be honest about it, but be clear that you find her attractive for a whole load of other reasons". I also explained my phraseology as a personal idiosyncracy - I really think if you met me, you might understand what I meant better.

    I'm not going to argue this point, because I feel my earlier posts were clear enough on what I meant. If you wish to discuss it further, send me a PM rather than hijacking this thread lol. If you think you can intuit my meaning, then fine .
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    (Original post by Demon_AS)
    Seriously, it's like you're picking and choosing what I'm saying and twisting it to suit your argument.

    Fundamentally, my message was "just be honest about it, but be clear that you find her attractive for a whole load of other reasons". I also explained my phraseology as a personal idiosyncracy - I really think if you met me, you might understand what I meant better.

    I'm not going to argue this point, because I feel my earlier posts were clear enough on what I meant. If you wish to discuss it further, send me a PM rather than hijacking this thread lol. If you think you can intuit my meaning, then fine .
    I'm not picking and choosing anything, you told him to basically say "look, I think you're really pretty but your hair doesn't suit you, and neither does your make-up. I think you'd look better with something else".

    I think most girls would be absolutely devastated if the boy they liked said that to them (and also think they were a prick for saying it). it shows no respect for her feelings. woe betide the boy if he follows your advice.

    being "honest" about what you don't like about someone's appearance, especially the girl you supposedly like, without being asked for your opinion, is really rude. I wouldn't tell someone I liked that, although I think they're a lovely person, I don't like this and that about the way they look. v. uncalled for.
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    You don't like someone if you wanna change such a big thing about them, yes, she probably does it because she has low self esteem but you can't (or shouldn't) really change her to fit your views on what makes someone attractive...or is her personality not good enough for you?

    :clip:
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    I was going to say that if you're in love with someone you also love their "ugly" bits. But then you said it was her make up which made me change my mind. But then I thought that you should also love someone's "ugly" way of dressing you you truly love someone, but then I realised that isn't true.

    Anyway, good luck with getting her to tone down.
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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    I'm not picking and choosing anything, you told him to basically say "look, I think you're really pretty but your hair doesn't suit you, and neither does your make-up. I think you'd look better with something else".

    I think most girls would be absolutely devastated if the boy they liked said that to them (and also think they were a prick for saying it). it shows no respect for her feelings. woe betide the boy if he follows your advice.

    being "honest" about what you don't like about someone's appearance, especially the girl you supposedly like, without being asked for your opinion, is really rude. I wouldn't tell someone I liked that, although I think they're a lovely person, I don't like this and that about the way they look. v. uncalled for.
    If you didn't pick and choose my words, then you very clearly misinterpreted the tone of the intended comment.

    Also, you again failed to consider my idiosyncratic approach.

    Once again - no offence - but do try and keep an open mind if and when you re-read my previous posts. Perhaps then my meaning will be made clear to you. You've made up your mind that I'm rude and inconsiderate - which is fine, you're allowed that opinion, too - but perhaps you'll believe me when I tell you that I am not :p:.
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    (Original post by Double Agent)
    Dont try and change someone just beacuse they dont fit in with your views. I'm sure you have plenty of faults yourself, that no doubt she will be too tactful and polite to point out.
    Exactly. If you get together and she doesnt feel the need to slap on loads of tan/make up anymore then mission accomplished. If not, then it's just her self esteem.
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    A lot of people have mentioned that you shouldnt change her..Frankly nothing is changing, a lot of girls apply make up to feel prettier/more secure. Make up is actually really bad for your skin...if he finds her beautiful without it then its not that bad of a thing. And the way you should go about telling her, be very nice and your comment has to be more positive than negative otherwise your screwed. Say something like " hey you don't have to wear so much make up, i think your incredibly pretty without " Of course..twist and turn that to fit what ever need or situation but you get my point. Good luck
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    LOL going with the fat comment, just pick her up an say '**** me ur heavy! Must be all that fake tan and make up ur wearing!'
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    Hide her fake tan. And her lipgloss.

    Sawted.
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    Call up the producers of that show Snog Marry Avoid, on BBC3, and somehow trick her into going on it.

    To be honest, if she clarts herself in makeup like that, she's either happy the way she is, in which case you should accept that, or she secretly has quite low self-esteem, and feels like she can hide behind the makeup, or that it makes her look prettier.
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    Everyone looks better with fake tan and lipgloss...plastic fantastic...whats the problem?? Everyone will think your a footballer with a girl like her. Think positivly.
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    Wait til you see her without makeup and compliment her.
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    (Original post by bexicle89)
    Most immature men would take the mick out of it.
    You could make a small hint like "I like girls natural" if she ever asks you.
    If you're feeling quite daring you could say, 'Why do you wear all that fake tan, etc, you're pretty without it'
    I think those are quite subtle ways.
    If you must, this is good advice.

    However. You're not even going OUT with her, what on earth makes you want to think up ways to change her already??!?!?
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    At this stage I don't think it's really your place to tell her what she should and shouldn't be doing. However if you get serious and it's still bothering you then perhaps suggest she's good enough without using it but don't expect her to stop doing it unless she wants to.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've met a girl who I quite like and think she likes me etc etc

    Thing is, she's clever and funny and all that, and I do find her physically attractive in herself, it's just that she puts on loads of fake tan and lip gloss and everything, and it's just not what I go for. So how do I go about bringing that up without really hurting her feelings? I'm guessing it's gonna be impossible!

    Oh, and anon cos she might use this.
    "I think you're really pretty but I think I'd find you even more attractive without the makeup."
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    she probably feels comfortable with wearing fake tan and makeup etc so she prob wont stop for you! but if you start going out, let her know you think she is beautiful without it and she will feel more comfortable without it too. also if she says things like 'omg im so pale i need to put fake tan on' say to her she doesnt need it, and you like her natural...if you are too shy to say things like this to her then maybe comment about someone else wearing too much fake tan and she will think about herself, she may feel hurt but gradually she will stop wearing less because she knows she dont like it!
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    (Original post by Necro Defain)
    Tell her she's fat then once she's really insulted, break the ice by letting her no she's in fact not fat there's just something wrong with her face
    :laugh:
    Sorry, I just sprayed redbull all over my keyboard!!!! :eek:
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    My, oh my! I don't quite know what to say other than ohNO! has it absolutely spot on.

    You just don't tell someone that there's something you don't like about their appearance - it's just not something you do, quite frankly. I'm absolutely horrified that there are men out there who think it's acceptable to try and change someone because of a fault that you don't like and I'm so grateful I don't know any men like that.
    You obviously don't know women very well OP, because the majority of women receiving a comment like that would be in her right mind to kick you in the balls, to be fair.
    If you don't like her with her flaws (if you even think wearing lipgloss is a flaw) then you shouldn't be entertaining taking the relationship any further imo.
 
 
 
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