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I. Am. Very. Angry.... watch

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    ...mainly with myself.

    I posted a thread in here a few weeks ago saying about how i fancied a girl in my halls, and that i didn't know the best way forward to tell her, never having had feelings like it before and all that jazz.

    When i finally told her after over a fortnight later, i was told "sorry, but i'm not ready for a relationship right now", which i thought was fair comment. But now i find that less than a week later she's going out with someone who is doing my course. As you can imagine, i was not happy in the slightest and have become very withdrawn over the past few days in trying to deal with it.

    Envy is a terrible thing. I know that i have to respect her decision because she is still in essence one of my best friends, but i'm confused and annoyed at the manner in which this has happened. I've never been a person blessed with any kind of self-esteem, self-worth or self-confidence, and this has hardly done anything to aid it.

    It probably won't surprise you to hear that i've never had a relationship with a girl, and when i try to approach women, it always ends p being at the worst possible time. I just don't know where to go from here. I've broken my knuckle from taking out my anger on a brick wall, and i know you shouldn't bottle these things up because i'm finding myself close to bursting point, but there's no-one here that i trust enough to open up to.

    And don't for one second tell me to just go to bed and get some sleep either. There is no chance in hell that that will do anything for me, i was exactly the same last night and all of today.
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    I'm in the same boat mate
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    Tough break man :console:

    How does plenty more fish in the sea sound? Apart from annoying and clichéd...it's true though.

    Give yourself some time, you'll feel better soon.
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    She didn't fancy you. She is now going out with someone else. Why should you be angry with yourself? :s:
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    (Original post by 73337)
    She didn't fancy you. She is now going out with someone else. Why should you be angry with yourself? :s:
    Because if i'd known she fancied someone else then i wouldn't have imposed the question on her in the first place, i wouldn't have formed the emotional attachment, and i wouldn't have this problem.
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    (Original post by marcusmerehay)
    ...mainly with myself.

    I posted a thread in here a few weeks ago saying about how i fancied a girl in my halls, and that i didn't know the best way forward to tell her, never having had feelings like it before and all that jazz.

    When i finally told her after over a fortnight later, i was told "sorry, but i'm not ready for a relationship right now", which i thought was fair comment. But now i find that less than a week later she's going out with someone who is doing my course. As you can imagine, i was not happy in the slightest and have become very withdrawn over the past few days in trying to deal with it.

    Envy is a terrible thing. I know that i have to respect her decision because she is still in essence one of my best friends, but i'm confused and annoyed at the manner in which this has happened. I've never been a person blessed with any kind of self-esteem, self-worth or self-confidence, and this has hardly done anything to aid it.

    It probably won't surprise you to hear that i've never had a relationship with a girl, and when i try to approach women, it always ends p being at the worst possible time. I just don't know where to go from here. I've broken my knuckle from taking out my anger on a brick wall, and i know you shouldn't bottle these things up because i'm finding myself close to bursting point, but there's no-one here that i trust enough to open up to.

    And don't for one second tell me to just go to bed and get some sleep either. There is no chance in hell that that will do anything for me, i was exactly the same last night and all of today.
    I'm sorry to hear that happened to you mate..and can't really offer any advice, though maybe telling you "sorry, but i'm not ready for a relationship right now" bull .. she was saying in a nice but bull **** way, she didn't want to go out with you.. its ******* **** when it happens. Sorry mate, some women are just *****es though.

    But why feel angry with yourself?
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    Music, work, dvd's. Anything like that really. I know what you mean though i'm the same as you in that I always pick bizarre times to ask people and then get told "I'm not ready / not looking." Really doesn't help the confidence no matter how much they try to let you down easily.
    Over time I have learned to not give two ***** any more about anyone else that way I don't get hurt any more and it gives the impression of confidence (albeit false because I have absolutely no confidence in myself at all anymore for many different reasons) that I can cope with anything now.
    But yeah just find some work to do, read a book if you have one, watch mock the week or something you find funny, listen to some music whilst reading etc. Just do anything to occupy yourself.
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    Thanks for bringing in the optimism as i'm faced with a similar situation ... s*** happens i guess.

    Bursting out is probably a good idea at the moment, albeit i'd try and find somewhere where it's not entirely obvious (i.e. go out for a run or something), albeit if the damage to the knuckle is serious you may wish to go some place like A and E to get it looked at before it might come infected or shiz.

    It's going to be difficult but don't get too wound up on it, find activities (gym, swim etc.) that keep you both physically and mentally occupied at the same time (stuff like going to the library never works as lethargy kicks in), and ideally place you in areas with lots of other people. Seclusion is not the way forward.

    It may not seem it, but time does help heal wounds, albeit dwelling on it keeps it open. You now have the experience at least of asking someone out and this is something that can be easily replicated elsewhere, just don't rush into things.

    Good luck is probably all i can say
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    She was probably trying to be nice to you rather than tell you straigh that she doesn't want you.

    So what if you got rejection? There are lots of more interesting, better looking girls out there.

    Go out and try to start conversation with one girl you don't know that you find attractive a day. Ask her number.

    If she totally rejects you, so what. And I'm sure you will get some rejections, everyone does. If she says lets be friends, that can be OK, as having attractive female friends makes you more attractive to other women. And if she says yes, then you could go out for a drink with her, that would be good, then you can take it from there.

    Just my advice, you don't seem happy single, so make an effort. You have no chance with that girl, so try another one.
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    (Original post by darkeneddreams)
    I'm sorry to hear that happened to you mate..and can't really offer any advice, though maybe telling you "sorry, but i'm not ready for a relationship right now" bull .. she was saying in a nice but bull **** way, she didn't want to go out with you.. its ******* **** when it happens. Sorry mate, some women are just *****es though.

    But why feel angry with yourself?
    thing is, i know that she's not a *****. she's very kind, caring and down-to-earth, which is what attracted me in the first place. as well as being very attractive. i've also had people telling me that she wouldn't because "we're in the same flat and it would be awkward". it would only be awkward when it ended, so that's a bull**** argument as well, but i suppose i'll just have to live with it. i'd only just got over the last time this happened with a girl, which is just over two years ago now.
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    (Original post by marcusmerehay)
    thing is, i know that she's not a *****. she's very kind, caring and down-to-earth, which is what attracted me in the first place. as well as being very attractive. i've also had people telling me that she wouldn't because "we're in the same flat and it would be awkward". it would only be awkward when it ended, so that's a bull**** argument as well, but i suppose i'll just have to live with it. i'd only just got over the last time this happened with a girl, which is just over two years ago now.
    **** man, we fall for the wrong girls ................. however in the end it does work out, I've been with my gf for almost 2 years now.. I've had 2 times also, when I've been told "I'm not ready for an relationship.." ..its pretty ******, and they are the caring kind.. I didn't mean to sound like I'm saying she's horrible, I guess calling her a ***** didn't help. But she's hasn't really been honest to you, though thinking about it, would you rather be told "You not my type..." or "I'm not ready.." you don't want to hear either of them but thats just the way it is for now. Try and focus on your studies, have a laugh, and learn, have some fun, don't let her or your past worries get down on you mate.
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    I can certainly empathise, I have never had a relationship either, and the situation you described has happened to me in similar ways about six or seven times. She was probably trying to save your feelings, but I too would be a bit hacked off if a guy I liked that said that to me and then showed that he was quite obviously lying by going out with somebody else. She really should have said she sees you as a good friend, or whatever. The best thing is to focus on things beyond relationships, as well as your best friendships, and NEVER let rejection be a reflection of self worth. Attraction is a mysterious thing - there are the most amazing looking, charismatic men that I have known or been friends with, but I wasn't particularly attracted to them, yet with somebody else who not many people would probably think was amazingly attractive, I might fall for them.
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    (Original post by marcusmerehay)
    thing is, i know that she's not a *****. she's very kind, caring and down-to-earth, which is what attracted me in the first place. as well as being very attractive. i've also had people telling me that she wouldn't because "we're in the same flat and it would be awkward". it would only be awkward when it ended, so that's a bull**** argument as well, but i suppose i'll just have to live with it. i'd only just got over the last time this happened with a girl, which is just over two years ago now.
    Man, you need to learn to move on. She was trying to be nice by giving that excuse because she probably just wants to be friends, but knew you wouldn't want to hear that as a reason for you two not getting together. You seem very uptight where women are concerned, and they can sense this. You need to relax and try not to become so emotionally attached unless you are already in a relationship. Otherwise, you will have a very hard time with women and I assume you do not want this.
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    It happens to the lot of us. You will get over it just give it some time.
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    (Original post by Miyamoto Musashi)
    Man, you need to learn to move on. She was trying to be nice by giving that excuse because she probably just wants to be friends, but knew you wouldn't want to hear that as a reason for you two not getting together. You seem very uptight where women are concerned, and they can sense this. You need to relax and try not to become so emotionally attached unless you are already in a relationship. Otherwise, you will have a very hard time with women and I assume you do not want this.
    well...i see where you're coming from, although i wouldn't like to think i'm uptight as regards girls. For some unkown reason i think its more of a case of me seeking security by having a girlfriend, just a case of how my mind is.
    I certainly wouldn't like to be a control freak of any kind, as that's just modern-day slavery.

    I know this is going to be hard to get over, and i'll have to try and slug it out, but i've been in this position a couple of times before and i'm getting a bit fed up of it.
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    read 'men are from mars, women are from venus'. it might help you realise how different men and women are, and what the supposed 'right' way to talk to a woman is to appeal to her.
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    That's bad, I think everybody up at this time is pondering something !

    But (whilst trying not to use a cliche) there will be other girls.
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    (Original post by marcusmerehay)
    well...i see where you're coming from, although i wouldn't like to think i'm uptight as regards girls. For some unkown reason i think its more of a case of me seeking security by having a girlfriend, just a case of how my mind is.
    I certainly wouldn't like to be a control freak of any kind, as that's just modern-day slavery.

    I know this is going to be hard to get over, and i'll have to try and slug it out, but i've been in this position a couple of times before and i'm getting a bit fed up of it.
    Fair enough, I just assumed that you were a little uneasy given you said you've never had a proper relationship and you're always asking at the wrong time - normally that suggests it's a confidence issue. I hate to say this, but you need to take a step backwards. Stop thinking emotionally - just enjoy yourself around other women, and you'll have plenty of opportunities to start relationships. Of course it's more difficult to find a woman you really like/love this way but in all honesty there is absolutely no shame in wanting to be with someone purely because of the psychological security that 'unity' provides. People aren't meant to live their lives alone or devoid of intimacy - so go out and be open to meeting and being with other women.
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    (Original post by darkeneddreams)
    I'm sorry to hear that happened to you mate..and can't really offer any advice, though maybe telling you "sorry, but i'm not ready for a relationship right now" bull .. she was saying in a nice but bull **** way, she didn't want to go out with you.. its ******* **** when it happens. Sorry mate, some women are just *****es though.

    But why feel angry with yourself?
    And men can be horribly cruel too. That comment was completely uncalled for. Yes, she didn't want to go out with the OP, but she was trying to put it nicely. There are a lot of ways which are far worse than that. Christ.

    Anyway, OP, despite the fact that this is not what you want to hear, you've got to move on. I had a similar experience with a guy a couple of years back and spent an entire year just pining after him. And then someone else came along and changed that. There will be someone else, and they'll come along probably when you least expect it. For now, go out, hang out with friends, have a good time and wait for someone to come to you.
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    (Original post by Dionysia)
    And men can be horribly cruel too. That comment was completely uncalled for. Yes, she didn't want to go out with the OP, but she was trying to put it nicely. There are a lot of ways which are far worse than that. Christ.

    Anyway, OP, despite the fact that this is not what you want to hear, you've got to move on. I had a similar experience with a guy a couple of years back and spent an entire year just pining after him. And then someone else came along and changed that. There will be someone else, and they'll come along probably when you least expect it. For now, go out, hang out with friends, have a good time and wait for someone to come to you.
    It's funny that, I didn't mention guys are angels, or did I? There are many *******s out there too then. Does that even things out for you Dionysia? Also if you read my other post...

    (Original post by darkeneddreams)
    **** man, we fall for the wrong girls ................. however in the end it does work out, I've been with my gf for almost 2 years now.. I've had 2 times also, when I've been told "I'm not ready for an relationship.." ..its pretty ******, and they are the caring kind.. I didn't mean to sound like I'm saying she's horrible, I guess calling her a ***** didn't help. But she's hasn't really been honest to you, though thinking about it, would you rather be told "You not my type..." or "I'm not ready.." you don't want to hear either of them but thats just the way it is for now. Try and focus on your studies, have a laugh, and learn, have some fun, don't let her or your past worries get down on you mate.
    ..which is basically what your saying, however she could have been straight with him, hence the ****ging of her off... no need to blaspheme, geez.
 
 
 
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