Past Relationships Still Affect Me!

15

I know this is going to sound stupid, but is anyone else really messed up by previous relationships? My ex boyfriend really screwed with me a LOT in the two years we were going out, and its messed me up so badly. I find it really hard to trust my new boyfriend even though I'm completely in love with him. I think this is to do with how my ex left me (he was hanging around with a girl who he said was just his friend, and then as soon as we split up he was with her, then slept with me saying he wanted me back, and is still with her 6 months on) and how badly I felt, I'm so worried it would happen again.

My new boyfriend is so much nicer though and I just feel guilty of being so guarded with him sometimes, even though there really isn't a reason for me to be, I just get so paranoid sometimes, but now its not even over girls, its just me double checking that he wants to be with me constantly (its getting wearing to him now I think)

I need help to stop myself! What can I do to show that I do love my new boyfriend, and do trust him, its just a problem that I have within myself? I've told him everything, but I still think he's worried about me.

Reply 1

Keeno89

It's only natural. Once bitten twice shy. Trust me you are not the only one with insecurities after having bad experiences. In time you will learn to trust him. Their will come a point where you just accept new boyfriend will not do that I am sure.

Reply 2

goodmen

13

Its called being human

Reply 3

DamnitJanet

8

It's perfectly natural. Past relationships can have a BIG impact on how you are in later ones. If you've told your boyfriend all of this, hopefully he understands and tries to make it as easy for you as possible, but it really is something you have to work out on your own.

Reply 4

sexysax

14

It's definitely normal and natural so try not to worry! I'm exactly the same though as I've been hurt badly in the past and it's not easy to just forget that now. Chin up! :smile:

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Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Dumped for another girl
Dumped for another girl
Dumped for another girl...

I think its fair to say I'm now screwing up my current relationship with my lack of trust. It is natural, but it will (I'm hoping?) go away.

Reply 6

myrtille

15

Yeah, a little bit.

My first boyfriend dumped me out of the blue, when I thought things were ok. And it took me ages to get over him.

So now, if my boyfriend is just a bit quiet one day, or if he's a little bit grumpy, I start expecting the worst. I'm so afraid of losing him.

I think it's normal, but maybe we'll get used to it after a while.

Reply 7

itsmyname

18

Apparently the girl i like isnt going out with me because of the same reasons.....trust issues and being hurt

Reply 8

linkdapink

OP

15

Thanks guys. I just thought someone might have said something like a magical cure. I've told my boyfriend everything, and how I love him and trust him, but just panic and worry. He understands, but sometimes gets frustrated at me for not trusting him, then apologises. He know's its hard for me, I just wish it wouldn't upset him. I feel bad, and so does he!

Reply 9

tis_me_lord

14

linkdapink

Thanks guys. I just thought someone might have said something like a magical cure. I've told my boyfriend everything, and how I love him and trust him, but just panic and worry. He understands, but sometimes gets frustrated at me for not trusting him, then apologises. He know's its hard for me, I just wish it wouldn't upset him. I feel bad, and so does he!

No magical cure I'm afraid. I have both trust issues, and pessimism about relationships generally being able to last both because of past relationships.

The jealousy thing especially is bad for me, its been ages and I'm still not back to my normal myself. Once upon a time I was a normal trusting person and I really wish I could just go back to that. Luckily my girlfriend is very understanding about all my problems!

I suppose that gradually it will get better in time as long as he just proves himself to you. But let him know that this wont be very easy for you, and it wont necessarily get better anytime soon.

Reply 10

linkdapink

OP

15

I'm not even jealous though! I know that my new boyfriend would not do anything and absolutly adores me, I just worry that one day he's just going to stop liking me. Which is ridiculous! Its like I don't want to get too close cos I feel he's going to leave me, then know that he won't leave me ever

Past Relationships Still Affect Me!

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