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This guy is driving me insane and i dont know what to do...please help!

Hi everyone i really need some advice as this is literally driving me insane.

I've been talking to this guy for almost 3 months now. He was the first to show interest, and asked me on a date and I said yeah because I thought why not, he seems like a nice guy lets get to know him better and see where this goes.
After the first date he was telling me he knows exactly what he wants (ie me) and his head was screwed on and would be messaging me pretty regularly and things and it was pretty good. I started going over to his house, sleeping over, met his parents, doing...y'know *things*.

So about a month ago I asked him if he sees us becoming boyfriend and girlfriend at some point and he said he did. A couple of weeks ago we were talking about it again and he said how we haven't had any 'tests' yet because neither of us go out drinking all that much and stuff - basically tests of loyalty was what he was getting at and apparently we don't know each other all that well yet etc etc. And I said that's fine. I know what I want as I've made my feelings perfectly clear to him and I've made it clear that I feel I'm ready for this to move further and I'm happy to wait a bit longer whilst he figures out what he wants.

Then last night he was saying how he knows he isn't giving 100% and that he can be more invested and put more effort in but he doesn't want to force it he wants it to come naturally. He said he has a lot going on right now and that his head isn't "in that mode" because of stresses he's under and things. Everything he said to me i told him is things that can easily be resolved but only if he wanted to. And he responded with "I want to - i just want it to come naturally. I don't want to force it to be 100% but it's nothing to do with you it's just me i promise". He said he want's me to focus on me and doesn't want me to feel 'trapped' to stay with him and that he doesn't feel like he's bringing value to mine or anyone's life - only his parent.

I don't know what to think or feel. I really like him, a lot. It confuses me because he says how much he misses me (I'm currently away rn so i can't see him) and how much he wants to see me, and to text him in the morning etc but then says he's not in it 100% but at the start he knew for a fact he wanted me. I just don't know what to do now. Please, any advice here would be great.
[Edit] Just to add: He also said, when he said we haven't had and 'tests' yet, that he feels we're in a good place but also that it feels too good to be true.
1. You don't need to "test" each others loyalty.
2. Relationships require effort to work - it won't always just "come naturally".

This boy might think he has his head screwed on, but it doesn't sound like he knows anything about relationships.
(edited 1 year ago)
Bump: please i really need advice here
Agree with the above, he doesn’t seem that interested in putting the effort in.
Original post by Anonymous
Bump: please i really need advice here


He only wants sex
Original post by Anonymous
Bump: please i really need advice here


From what you've said about him struggling to handle the stress in his life: walk away.

Find yourself a guy that handles stress well. The mark of an adult is how they react when they're not getting what they want. It's easy to be nice as pie when everything's going your way. It's more challenging to take and pass pressure tests.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Whilst the mentally weak crumble.

Why have a mentally and emotionally weak man in your life when you can have a strong one?

You have a choice. You don't have to go with the first man that will have you. And you don't have to stick with any man that you've invested time and emotional attachment to. You can dump any man at any time. And you should always dump a man straight away if he's not good enough overall.

Because life's too short to spend it with 3rd best men. And sometimes you don't discover major flaws till you've been with someone for a while.

You deserve a 1st best man. Go get yourself one of them.

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