My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a couple months ago, and I then became her carer shortly after. My boyfriend of 4 years, lives an hour or so away from me so more often than not we need to call to keep in contact. There’s often updates about mums health or I need to call him so I can vent and talk everything through when I’m feeling so much. He’d been avoiding calling me, cancelling our scheduled calls to go out with a friend instead. I have to schedule them in atm because I’m caring for mum most of the time, I only have certain evenings free. He’ll cancel coming to see us a good few times now due to various ‘I’m not feeling well enough’ comments despite then going out to see a friend on one of those evenings he was going to get a train here which made me feel a little upset.
He recently admitted that it’s ‘hard to watch’ seeing my mum so ill, so he doesn’t really like coming here for that reason. Then he also said recently that he doesn’t like calling and finds it hard to hear about everything and that it affects him too and he doesn’t have the energy for it.
I completely understand that this affects him too, And not disregarding that he has bad days and he needs his time. That’s okay but I really feel I’m on the back burner, and I’m struggling to figure out if I’m just being sensitive. I was having a really hard day not long ago, I had some bad news regarding mum and I needed to tell him, so I texted him that I had something important to tell him so I called him. The call started off with a ‘whatever you’re going to say make it quick because I need to go back downstairs’ which started me off feeling worse. I told him the news, he asked me when I found that out, I said ‘just now’ in an anxious and a raised tone as I was on the verge of tears. And his very quick reaction was ‘why are you talking to me like that? Disregarding the news I had told him. I think I just said something like ‘like what? I just told you something awful and you’re concerned about the tone in which I told you?’ I left the call feeling awful and he messaged me saying ‘I’m always here if you need to talk to me especially through these times but I’m not going to be spoken to unfairly.’ I was just sitting there in shock, followed with ‘I’m not in the mood to talk to you now’ when I tried to text him to sort it out. I just need to write these things down because these sort of things have happened and now I’m starting to question if I’m in the wrong. I just need some advice.