The Student Room Group

Is this a red flag in the talking stage.

If the person you're talking too still has pictures/videos of them with their ex?

I've been talking to this girl and things have been going great, she got out of a 3 year relationship, around 9 months ago.

I'm concerned as to why she still has pics/videos of her ex on her phone?

She has told me she hates him and wouldn't ever get back to him because of all the abuse she went through.

Obviously we aren't officially together and if we get to that point I would tell her to remove everything of her ex.

Is this a red flag or is it normal?
Original post by Anonymous
If the person you're talking too still has pictures/videos of them with their ex?

I've been talking to this girl and things have been going great, she got out of a 3 year relationship, around 9 months ago.

I'm concerned as to why she still has pics/videos of her ex on her phone?

She has told me she hates him and wouldn't ever get back to him because of all the abuse she went through.

Obviously we aren't officially together and if we get to that point I would tell her to remove everything of her ex.

Is this a red flag or is it normal?


Can be kept as memories, the length of the relationship was deep and surely both did things together worth being memorable and remembered for the feeling of hatred is not something to be visualised yet only to be experienced emotionally. As to the point of getting together when you do ask her and she’s happy with it then it’s fine yet I would think for memorable experiences and to reflect through good times I would say it’s normal and not a red flag. Unless the unthinkable occurs where they remain in contact or get in contact and start or one decides to meet the other!
Not necessarily a red flag.
But the fact that she has told you that she hates an ex could be a yellow flag, depending on what has occurred between them.
Might be indicative of malicious tendencies or being unable to handle the end a relationship without strong negative feelings.
It depends whether there have been any credible past allegations of criminal conduct against the ex, when and why they broke up.

A lot of people keep old photographs out of habit alone.
Sometimes collect them as a convenient way of keeping digital/printed memories of their past or because they are photography fans.

There are always a few individuals that behave in a creepy way when it comes to photos or exes.
Mostly the bunny boilers, crazy exes that won't accept the relationship is long over & keep a shine filled with photos and revenge porn types.
Throwing darts at the photo of an ex's face or keeping a giant cardboard cutout of the ex to use as target practice are obvious giveaway signs- that should be interpreted as gigantic bright red flags spelling out the words "RUN FOR THE HILLS UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE NEXT".

Plenty of people have amicable breakups because all mutual attraction has ended or one person has got bored with the relationship and they have both chosen to stay in touch as platonic friends.
I've stayed in touch with a few of the most reasonably behaved exes and try to meetup a few times a year when in the same country.
The majority of them send me postcards or photos at least once a year and we always send gifts for birthdays & Christmas.

If a guy that I was considering dating told me to remove all traces of ex bfs or to end contact with guy friends, I'd view that as an enormous red flag.
I'd know that the guy was not compatible with my lifestyle preferences and values.
Then immediately end contact with him before any more demands came my way or abuse attempts began.
It's not abnormal. I've photos with many of my exes saved, going back over a decade. I don't feel a need to try to erase my history - it still happened!

If anything, I would consider you thinking you are entitled to ask your partner to delete all traces of their ex off their phone to be the red flag here.
(edited 1 year ago)

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending