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talking to another boy while in a relationship - am I wrong? Watch

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    basically, about 3 years ago when i was single, i was very close to this boy (K), and after about 10months we stopped speaking because i lied to him about kissing another boy. the only reason i didnt tell K is because the guy i kissed asked me not to tell anyone, and it wasnt a big deal, it meant nothing to either of us. when K found out he went mental and just cut off contact even tho i repeatedly apologised and tried to text/ring/email him.

    a few months later i meet my boyfriend who i have now been with for just over 2years. Him and K are also becoming friends at this point. a few months after me and my bf became official, K texts me acknowledging that he over reacted and wants us to be friends again, so we start speaking but never discuss what happened and are never as close.

    my bf has a slight issue with K because he thinks K is slightly flirty, but its not a big deal. last week K rings me when drunk, and tells me how he used to like me (he now has a serious gf) and that hes sad were not as close as we used to be. when i tell my bf about this, he goes completely mental that K told me he used to like me,and basicaly says he doesnt want me talking to K.

    so today i said in passing that i might ring K, thinking my bf may have calmed down. he gets really angry (hes at work on his break) has to go back to work, doesnt answer any of my 3 texts and only rings me back after ive rung him. he didnt come to see me as he usually does. i dont feel like he should be angry about this, as K is now in a serious relationship and only said he USED to like me. does anyone agree with my bf? sorry for the essay and thankyou anyone who reads it.
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    (Original post by secretsaregood)
    basically, about 3 years ago when i was single, i was very close to this boy (K), and after about 10months we stopped speaking because i lied to him about kissing another boy. the only reason i didnt tell K is because the guy i kissed asked me not to tell anyone, and it wasnt a big deal, it meant nothing to either of us. when K found out he went mental and just cut off contact even tho i repeatedly apologised and tried to text/ring/email him.

    a few months later i meet my boyfriend who i have now been with for just over 2years. Him and K are also becoming friends at this point. a few months after me and my bf became official, K texts me acknowledging that he over reacted and wants us to be friends again, so we start speaking but never discuss what happened and are never as close.

    my bf has a slight issue with K because he thinks K is slightly flirty, but its not a big deal. last week K rings me when drunk, and tells me how he used to like me (he now has a serious gf) and that hes sad were not as close as we used to be. when i tell my bf about this, he goes completely mental that K told me he used to like me,and basicaly says he doesnt want me talking to K.

    so today i said in passing that i might ring K, thinking my bf may have calmed down. he gets really angry (hes at work on his break) has to go back to work, doesnt answer any of my 3 texts and only rings me back after ive rung him. he didnt come to see me as he usually does. i dont feel like he should be angry about this, as K is now in a serious relationship and only said he USED to like me. does anyone agree with my bf? sorry for the essay and thankyou anyone who reads it.
    Do you really need to make your boyfriend jealous? Are you lacking that much attention?
    What did you think your bf was going to say when you told him about your convo with K? Did you think he would invite him round for a game of Nintendo WII

    Grow up and stop trying to court drama
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    Y'know, it's likely K still likes you. Obviously from the hissy fits he's been throwing about you with other boys (even though frankly it's none of his damn business what you do in your personal life and I woulda made that clear :P) and the fact that drunken calls always result in unearthed truths. So yeah I agree with your boyfriend that K still probably likes you and it's natural for him to have a bit of green eye - but if your relationship has enough trust (after 2 years I would expect it does) then he shouldn't have a problem with you talking to K. Perhaps try talking to him in person when your boyfriend is around, and if K gets a bit flirty make it clear you're not interested.
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    Sounds like a schoolyard drama. As the above poster said, why do you feel the need to constantly mention "K" and his advances to your bf?
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    (Original post by Rokit)
    Do you really need to make your boyfriend jealous? Are you lacking that much attention?
    What did you think your bf was going to say when you told him about your convo with K? Did you think he would invite him round for a game of Nintendo WII

    Grow up and stop trying to court drama
    Little harsh, Rokit! I doubt she was trying to make him jealous. Well, if a guy had drunkenly rung me up I'd probably have a little laugh about it later with the boyfriend, but maybe that's just the relationship we have I suppose as he knows I'd never let another guy try it on :P.

    Maybe you need more trust in the relationship OP.
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    (Original post by The Socialite)
    Little harsh, Rokit! I doubt she was trying to make him jealous. Well, if a guy had drunkenly rung me up I'd probably have a little laugh about it later with the boyfriend, but maybe that's just the relationship we have I suppose as he knows I'd never let another guy try it on :P.

    Maybe you need more trust in the relationship OP.
    No I stand by my words. Why would you go over to your boyfriend and say "Oh I had a chat with K yesterday and he said he likes me" What would you expect your boyfriend to say? Clearly you are trying to get a reaction out of him

    Then afterwards going back again to tell your boyfriend that you want to speak to this guy again.

    It is all unnecessary drama
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    (Original post by Rokit)
    No I stand by my words. Why would you go over to your boyfriend and say "Oh I had a chat with K yesterday and he said he likes me" What would you expect your boyfriend to say? Clearly you are trying to get a reaction out of him

    Then afterwards going back again to tell your boyfriend that you want to speak to this guy again.

    It is all unnecessary drama
    no - its just that he knew I was on the phone to K and he asked me about the conversation, what was said etc. i dont see that telling him the truth is asking for attention. also, if hes angry at K surely he should tell him rather than be off with me?
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    (Original post by secretsaregood)
    no - its just that he knew I was on the phone to K and he asked me about the conversation, what was said etc. i dont see that telling him the truth is asking for attention. also, if hes angry at K surely he should tell him rather than be off with me?
    Ok it must be fairly obvious to you that K likes you. Even a visually impaired, deaf person coulde sense that

    Do you think telling your boyfriend that K likes you is going to do any good? Guys are territorial and possessive as it is already

    If you want to keep your friendship with K and simultaneously keep your bf which might be impossible now then dont tell him anything. Just pretend like K is your gay best friend and you discuss shoes and clothes and hair bows

    If you would either be friends with K or stay happy with the bf then tell your boyfriend everything. Lord knows you will be forced to choose between both of them soon
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    (Original post by Rokit)
    No I stand by my words. Why would you go over to your boyfriend and say "Oh I had a chat with K yesterday and he said he likes me" What would you expect your boyfriend to say? Clearly you are trying to get a reaction out of him
    Err... I can tell you, as a bloke, that I'd much prefer that to the alternative. If my girlfriend told me that about someone she knows, we'd have a laugh about it because I'm 100% secure in my relationship with her and I know that some other bloke having a thing for her has absolutely no bearing on us. She'd not be interested in the bloke, at all, so why does it matter that he likes her? It doesn't. It's the sort of thing you say "Ahaha, aww shame, poor bloke with a crush" about, have a giggle, and forget about. Or joke about it later, whatever. I'd not even have a problem with the other guy for it. Why shouldn't he like her? I'd just pity him a bit, with his unrequited love :p:.

    What you're suggesting is altogether more suspicious. You're saying that, after being told all this by the guy, she should have kept it to herself. Then what if her boyfriend finds out from someone else? THAT'S when I'd be a bit "wtf? ". Simply because I'd wonder why she was keeping it secret. If it means nothing (to her) then it should be treated as such.

    So... hmm... yeah I think you're completely wrong that she shouldn't have told him. He shouldn't have reacted the way he did - he should be secure enough to trust her not to return the feelings and be like "haw haw haw, poor bloke, crying himself to sleeps".

    Basically OP: This "K" bloke might still like you, or he might not... if you don't feel the same and have no intentions of cheating on your boyfriend, then it's completely irrelevant whether he does or not. Just make sure your boyfriend knows that. If he trusts you it should be more than enough, if he doesn't then you have bigger problems that have nothing to do with "K".
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    (Original post by You Sit?)
    Err... I can tell you, as a bloke, that I'd much prefer that to the alternative. If my girlfriend told me that about someone she knows, we'd have a laugh about it because I'm 100% secure in my relationship with her and I know that some other bloke having a thing for her has absolutely no bearing on us. She'd not be interested in the bloke, at all, so why does it matter that he likes her? It doesn't. It's the sort of thing you say "Ahaha, aww shame, poor bloke with a crush" about, have a giggle, and forget about. Or joke about it later, whatever. I'd not even have a problem with the other guy for it. Why shouldn't he like her? I'd just pity him a bit, with his unrequited love :p:.

    What you're suggesting is altogether more suspicious. You're saying that, after being told all this by the guy, she should have kept it to herself. Then what if her boyfriend finds out from someone else? THAT'S when I'd be a bit "wtf? ". Simply because I'd wonder why she was keeping it secret. If it means nothing (to her) then it should be treated as such.

    So... hmm... yeah I think you're completely wrong that she shouldn't have told him. He shouldn't have reacted the way he did - he should be secure enough to trust her not to return the feelings and be like "haw haw haw, poor bloke, crying himself to sleeps".

    Basically OP: This "K" bloke might still like you, or he might not... if you don't feel the same and have no intentions of cheating on your boyfriend, then it's completely irrelevant whether he does or not. Just make sure your boyfriend knows that. If he trusts you it should be more than enough, if he doesn't then you have bigger problems that have nothing to do with "K".
    I totally agree, Kudos. OP your bf should be more secure. But this also depends on what you intend on doing with K. Do you just want to be friends with him? Or is it possible that some where in your head you might like K and you feel like being closer to him? ^^
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    just keep it a secret if you talk to him again

    after all, secretsaregood
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    If he reacts badly to K again, ask him what his problem is. Tell him K has no bearing on your relaitonship, because you are not going out with K, nor do you want to! Ask him if you should have lied - and if he thinks you should have done, ask him what on earth he would have thought if you hadn't told him before! You told him because you *don't* care about K, not because you do.

    Silly boy - either he's insecure about himself or he doubts you. Find out which it is - if it's the first prove he has nothing to be inseure about, if the second find out why; if it's irrational, probably best to move on if he's obsessively bad. Either way, if it's something that can blow over by next week, don't bother riling him up and messing with your relationship, even though he's in the wrong - though I'd definitely stand my ground.
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    emmarainbow i get your point but you're taking it a bit too far. the guy IS being controling and insecure but I don't think shes giving him many reasons to trust her. She still insists after everything to talk to this guy after he explicitly told her he liked her , and after we all deduced he SITLL likes her. It's almost as if shes obsessed with him.
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    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    emmarainbow i get your point but you're taking it a bit too far. the guy IS being controling and insecure but I don't think shes giving him many reasons to trust her. She still insists after everything to talk to this guy after he explicitly told her he liked her , and after we all deduced he SITLL likes her. It's almost as if shes obsessed with him.
    i havent spoken to him since hes told me he USED to like me , hes now in a serious relationship and my bf is his friend - even if he did like me still it would be extremelyyy difficult for him to do anything at all about it. i dont 'insist' on talking to him, but i do think my bf over reacted. as for no giving him many reasons to trust me - ive told him the truth about everything. im not obsessed in any way, i just dont see the need to lose my friend over something i dont see should affect my relationship in the present with either K or my bf.
 
 
 
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