The Student Room Group

Uni is so lonely

I’ve been at uni for 3 weeks now and it’s so lonely. A big appeal for me with uni was the whole ‘lifelong friends’ thing, only that hasn’t happened.
The people in my course just aren’t my type of people, no hate to them but they’re mainly cosplay people who all talk about anime or speak like ‘Hooman’/‘doggo’- I just can’t have a conversation with them as we have nothing in common. I went out at freshers but that was all drink/s3x fuelled, nobody really stayed in touch after. And my flat mates just keep to themselves, we have a gc and I’ve tried organising things but they just don’t reply.

Do clubs help? I’m thinking of joining a-few like cheerleading etc, just to meet likeminded people. I’ve considered changing courses but I like what I’m doing, I just don’t want to be in a room alone for 3 years.
Right now I’m second guessing everything, I just feel like I’ve made a mistake. It’s hard seeing all my mates from college going out and having a good time at they’re universities. All helps appreciated.
Societies - Join one which is in your interest, and you will meet people with similar interests.
i get you! i started recently and was feeling the same too. the idea of meeting "my people" really excited me for uni, but when i got here it just didn't happen and hasn't happened. like, everyone here is lovely! but not my kind of people lol. just wanna say i totally feel the same - totally look into the societies! i haven't had the chance to join any yet, but i have friends at other unis who have met most of their uni friends at societies. so it's totally worth a shot! :smile:
Original post by a.ivi
I’ve been at uni for 3 weeks now and it’s so lonely. A big appeal for me with uni was the whole ‘lifelong friends’ thing, only that hasn’t happened.
The people in my course just aren’t my type of people, no hate to them but they’re mainly cosplay people who all talk about anime or speak like ‘Hooman’/‘doggo’- I just can’t have a conversation with them as we have nothing in common. I went out at freshers but that was all drink/s3x fuelled, nobody really stayed in touch after. And my flat mates just keep to themselves, we have a gc and I’ve tried organising things but they just don’t reply.

Do clubs help? I’m thinking of joining a-few like cheerleading etc, just to meet likeminded people. I’ve considered changing courses but I like what I’m doing, I just don’t want to be in a room alone for 3 years.
Right now I’m second guessing everything, I just feel like I’ve made a mistake. It’s hard seeing all my mates from college going out and having a good time at they’re universities. All helps appreciated.

Hi @a.ivi

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way.

It is not too late to make friends at uni, I do feel as though joining societies that are based around your interests and hobbies may help. This way you could meet and get to know people with the same interests as you.
Also, give it time. I didn't form a stable friendship group until I was well into my first year, people are still getting to know each other and are always changing friendship groups!

I hope this helps!
Aaliya ~ 4th year pharmacy student ~ University of Huddersfield
Honestly every uni experience is different. People meet people they gel with in second year or even third year. Don't feel pressured that this is meant to be the 'best time of your life' or you'll meet lifelong friends. It's not always true. Just take a day at a time, stay positive. Definitely join societies, try volunteering too?
Absolutely join societies! I've met so many similar people to myself by joining societies, more so than on my course. Usually you can try out a bunch of different societies for free before committing to anything as well.

Also, don't be too hard on yourself, you have only been there for 3 weeks, and making friends takes time.
Original post by a.ivi
I’ve been at uni for 3 weeks now and it’s so lonely. A big appeal for me with uni was the whole ‘lifelong friends’ thing, only that hasn’t happened.
The people in my course just aren’t my type of people, no hate to them but they’re mainly cosplay people who all talk about anime or speak like ‘Hooman’/‘doggo’- I just can’t have a conversation with them as we have nothing in common. I went out at freshers but that was all drink/s3x fuelled, nobody really stayed in touch after. And my flat mates just keep to themselves, we have a gc and I’ve tried organising things but they just don’t reply.

Do clubs help? I’m thinking of joining a-few like cheerleading etc, just to meet likeminded people. I’ve considered changing courses but I like what I’m doing, I just don’t want to be in a room alone for 3 years.
Right now I’m second guessing everything, I just feel like I’ve made a mistake. It’s hard seeing all my mates from college going out and having a good time at they’re universities. All helps appreciated.

Hi there

Im sorry to hear that you are feeling this way at the moment. Uni can definitely be a little lonely at times but there are plenty of social spaces and groups that you can join to meet likeminded people. First of all I definitely wouldn't recommend switching courses just because you feel like you don't have much in common with your course mates...this is perfectly normal! In fact I'm in my third year of uni and I would only really say I have 2/3 people on my course that I'm close friends with. The main thing is that you enjoy what you study and it is a field that you can see yourself perusing post grad.
Secondly, I would definitely recommend joining a society to meet people with similar interests. Most run taster sessions at the start of the year so its definitely worth going to a couple of these to get a feel of each society and find one that is best suited to you. It is early days so please be patient because friendships take time to develop. You will meet people throughout your entire tine at uni so just try and remain open minded and optimistic. Definitely look at joining a society!
Also I just wanted to mention that I know it can be tough to see your home friends going out and partying but I can assure you that you are just viewing a snippet of their experience at uni. Take it from someone who has been at uni for years, people post what they think will look good on social media (even if it's random people they've met that night). Try and take what you see on your friends socials with a pinch of salt because i have no doubt that they too are experiencing these lonelier moments.
Best of luck and let me know if theres anything that I can help with :smile:

Joanna
-Uni of Kent Rep
Original post by a.ivi
I’ve been at uni for 3 weeks now and it’s so lonely. A big appeal for me with uni was the whole ‘lifelong friends’ thing, only that hasn’t happened.
The people in my course just aren’t my type of people, no hate to them but they’re mainly cosplay people who all talk about anime or speak like ‘Hooman’/‘doggo’- I just can’t have a conversation with them as we have nothing in common. I went out at freshers but that was all drink/s3x fuelled, nobody really stayed in touch after. And my flat mates just keep to themselves, we have a gc and I’ve tried organising things but they just don’t reply.

Do clubs help? I’m thinking of joining a-few like cheerleading etc, just to meet likeminded people. I’ve considered changing courses but I like what I’m doing, I just don’t want to be in a room alone for 3 years.
Right now I’m second guessing everything, I just feel like I’ve made a mistake. It’s hard seeing all my mates from college going out and having a good time at they’re universities. All helps appreciated.

Hi A.ivi,

I'm sorry to hear that your first weeks at University have felt lonely, I actually had a similar experience during my first year where I felt I wasn't making genuine connections with anyone. My first piece of advice would be to try to be consistent - choose a society which you feel you would enjoy and try to attend as much as you can. Seeing familiar faces will strike up a conversation and soon you may feel you are making some genuine friends.

If you are into sports - such as Cheerleading, as you mentioned - team-based and social sports can be an amazing way to meet people. I am part of the Climbing Society at my university and the social nature of the sport lends itself to making friends. Equally, your subject society or a non-sports society which you are interested in would also be an amazing option!

I'd suggest you reach out to some societies and ask if you can come to something before buying a membership so you can try it out. It is never too late to give something a go! If you get along with people, be bold and ask if they would like to go out for a coffee or the like.

University can be really tough sometimes, and what you won't be seeing is that your friends from home potentially feel the exact same at some points in time. Social media is incredibly deceptive, so try as hard as you can not to compare yourself.

Best of luck, and feel free to reach out for any more advice!

Ellie, University of Exeter Student Ambassador
You have to give it time, my freshers and first term generally was awful to be honest. In freshers week I had an argument with my flatmate, when term started I got a third for my first project. In (I think) the fourth week, I fell ill with flu and stayed in my room for four days and nobody knocked on my door. It was like nobody knew I existed and very depressing to be honest. I can't remember when things picked up, it was probably around Christmas when I got to know the people on my course better.

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